letter of motivation

Nadine Meißner · Anmeldungsdatum: 08.08.2007 Beiträge: 3 Wohnort: Berlin

hallo, es wäre wirklich super,wenn sich jeman von euch mal meine letter of motivation durchlesen könnte. ich habe sie schon zu oft gelesen, als das ich noch fehler finde. bin mir mit der struktur auch recht unsicher. danke im vorraus!!lg Nadine
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Dear Madam or Sir,

I recently completed my A-level at the Rheingau Gymnasium Berlin. I am writing with reference to the possibility of obtaining work experiences within the host department of your business and would like to apply for 4 months starting in February 2008.

Within my exchange year in the USA/Indiana I was already given the oppurtunity to face the challenges of living in a foreign country and to gain cross-cultrural competence. Futhermore I improved my English and have now an excellent command of speaking and writing in English. At present, I am taking courses in Spanish to prepare for the employment. Moreover I will be working as an au-pair and atttend a language school from the end of september for 3 months in Barcelona to advance my spanish.

My unique mix of previous work experienes in the restaurant industry combined with my activities in the fields of sport, promotion, language and child-care make me an ideal candidate for your business. I dispose of linguistic knowledge in German, English and French as well as basic knowledge in Spanish.Being a good communicator I can easily establish relationships. You will benefit from my enthusiastic, flexible and patient personality combined with my responsible, organizational and initiative acting. I can easyily accommodate in a new environment and tackle all kinds of problems, which will make me an asset to your business.

I am especially interested in travelling, experienced different cultures and stayed in different hotels, where I had the perfect opportunity to look into the hotel branch. I am very keen to apply my skills and experience to your hotel, as my career goal is to work as a tour guide. Workin abroad is the consummate chance for me to advance my cross-cultural understanding and to expand my horizon. It will be a pleasure to understand the branch of tourism and my interests in people make it an enjoyment for me to work in your team. I have been to spain several times, it impresses me with it´s inimitable art and culture, spirited mind and cordiality.

I also informed myself in-depth about the challenging job of a club representative. In addition I spent several holidays in hotels offering extensive host programms. I am aware of the ambitious work club represantives have to complete and prepared to manage.

If you are looking for a bright, hard-working, outgoing and reliable girl please do not hesitate to contact me.
Your sincerely

MI · Administrator Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005 Beiträge: 1035 Wohnort: München

Nadine Meißner · Anmeldungsdatum: 08.08.2007 Beiträge: 3 Wohnort: Berlin

vielen, vielen dank für deine mühe. du hast mir wirklich weiter geholfen. Noch einen schönen ta.
lg nadine

Ukkat · Gast

hi nadine.

nächstes mal wäre es aber besser, wenn du deine anfrage nicht unter ankündigungen platzieren würdest sondern eher bei übersetzungen...

die anfrage wird dann auf jeden fall auch beantwortet!

Nadine Meißner · Anmeldungsdatum: 08.08.2007 Beiträge: 3 Wohnort: Berlin

uuups, danke Augenzwinkern

MI · Administrator Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005 Beiträge: 1035 Wohnort: München

Das hab ich auch übersehen...
Naja, hab's mal verschoben. Das andere Thema hab ich dann gelöscht, da es ja genau denselben Eintrag enthielt und somit sonst zweifach vorhanden wäre. Somit bekommst du vielleicht auch so mehr Antworten!

Gruß
MI

EDIT: Ich sehe gerade: Der Text war schon ein wenig verbessert. Das "it's" hast du aber noch übersehen und es hieße natürlich "I possess" anstatt "I possess of"

Tamesis · Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2006 Beiträge: 1 Wohnort: Magdeburg

Hey,

für zweiAuslandssemester in Finnland hab ich ein Motivationsschreiben erstellt. Da ich Fachübersetzen studiere, ist ein Auslandsjahr obligatorisch. Ich würde einfach mal jemanden bitten, über den Text zu schauen und evtl. grammatikalische Fehler zu korrigieren. Andere Anregungen sind auch willkommen. Okay, hier der Text:

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Statement of Motivation

Currently I’m studying technical translation in the first semester of the bachelor programme at the university of applied sciences in Magdeburg. I have choosen this course of studies because I love languages and I would like to work with languages in my future job.

Before my study I completed an education as a foreign language correspondent at Oskar Kämmer Schule Magdeburg in 2003. After that I worked for Continental Temic Haldensleben in the same year. In July 2004 I started to work for Nickel Personaldienstleistung GmbH Hamburg as an office clerk where I have had the chance to use my English skills because I have worked for an international company.

In line with my studies will be an academic exchange for one year. I would like to study at University Tampere in Finland for two terms in the study programme ‘Translation / Interpretation’. There are a lot of reasons for me to study at this University. One reason is that I was several times for vacation in Finland. I like the helpfulness and the way of life of Finnish people. I like to meet new people, get to know new countries and cultures. After I have heard that our university has a partnership with University Tampere I have started to get information which students have been on an academic exchange at this University. I have spoken to Nancy Polzin, who is now in the 7th Semester and she recommended it to me and told me a lot of details which were very interesting and helpful. The Finnish education system is one of the best and the technical mediums are up-to-date.

Nancy also told me that the University offers courses to learn the Finnish language. For me that would be a great oppurtunity because I am interested to learn languages like Finnish, Swedisch and Norwegian. I started to teach myself Finnish one year ago. But it is very complicated to learn without having a teacher on my side. And in our region there is no possibility to learn this language in adult education courses.

One last reason to spend my academic exchange at University Tampere is that I have plans to go abroad after finishing my study. Finland is one main reason. I could imagine to live there. But before that I would like to prove if it could be a good choice or a bad choice. Because living in another country is a completetely different thing as to vacation. For me it is a good opportunity to spend one year in Finland as an academic exchange and to figure out whether this country is the right choice for going abroad.

For study at the University of Tampere in the bachelors degree programme ‘Translation / Interpretation” I would like to attend courses where I can improve my English skills, where I can learn different aspects about the british english / american english culture and where I can learn the finnish language.

Thank you very much for your considering my request. I am looking forward for hearing from you soon.

bartix · Anmeldungsdatum: 19.01.2008 Beiträge: 1

"I am" statt "I'm"

Ich weiß nicht, ob man schreiben sollte, dass man Sprachen "liebt", wieder etwas informal.

Auch "job" empfinde ich als zu informal. Vllt. besser "working life" (dann doppelt sich allerdings das work, oder "professional life".

"Before my studies..."

"In July 2004 I started to work for Nickel Personaldienstleistung GmbH Hamburg as an office clerk where I have had the chance to use my English skills because I have worked for an international company. " --> zu lang, hinter clerk ein Punkt und dann: There I had... (und nicht "have had", nur "had", das selbe mit "have worked", kein Grund für den perfect)

Ich mag auch das "because" nicht, klingt komisch, ich würde den Satz komplett umstellen und sowas wie Folgendes schreiben:
"As this company is working in an international environment, I had the opportunity to improve my English skills."

Insgesamt verwendest Du in diesem Absatz zu oft "work", im mittleren Satz könntest Du statt dessen zum Bsp. auch "made an internship" (wenn es denn eines war) verwenden. In dem Satz finde ich es auch ein wenig unglücklich, einmal am Anfang einmal am Ende eine Zeit einzubaun (erst "After that..." und am Ende dann noch mal "...in the same year.")

"In line with my studies will be an academic exchange for one year."
--> "In line / Within my studies I will absolve an academic exchange year."

"...at the University of Tampere", "for two terms" würd ich weglassen, davor sagst Du ja schon, dass Du ein Jahr dorthin gehst. Auch study würde ich weglassen, programme reicht hier.

Denk dran, der Letter of Motivation sollte möglichst kompakt ausfallen!

Im nächsten Abschnitt mixt Du auch wieder bunt die Zeiten. Im Allgemeinen verwendet man den Simple Past, auch wenn im deutschen oft der Perfekt verwendet wird.

"I heard" ist sehr umgangsprachlich.

Wieder "the University of Tampere".

"...and told me a lot of details which were very interesting and helpful." --> Who cares? (Sorry ;-) )Nicht ausschweifen, du schreibst keine Geschichte.

"semester"

Insgesamt finde ich, schweifst Du in diesem und in den nächsten beiden Abschnitten zu sehr aus, versuch schneller zum Punkt zu kommen, kurz und kompakt!

Du schreibst mehr oder weniger, dass Du gern Finnisch lernen möchtest weil Du gern Finnisch lernen möchtest. Hebe lieber hervor warum. Zum Beispiel weil die finnische Sprache sehr außergewöhnlich ist und so gut wie keine Verwandschaften zu anderen Sprachen aufweist (Ungarisch hat wohl eine ähnliche Grammatik, Estisch hat teilweise ähnliche Vokabeln). Damit (durch Wissen in dem Gebiet) zeigst Du eher Dein Interesse.

schreib außerdem besser: "Scandinavian languages"

"Finland is one main reason." What for? Du meinst wohl ein "Hauptziel" von Dir?

"if it could be a good choice or a bad choice." schreib's anders

"different thing as to vacation." thing? --> ugs. und das "to" weg da

"For study at the University of Tampere in the bachelors degree programme ‘Translation / Interpretation”" und "where I can learn the finnish language" --> Du wiederholst Dich

"british english / american english" --> das erste english weg

"Thank you very much for your considering my request." das "your" raus

Wer bekommt den Brief eigentlich, dass der in Englisch sein soll? Ich war auch 8 Monate in Finnland, in Jyväskylä, war 'ne super Zeit, wird Dir ganz sicher gefallen. Und auf jeden Fall 'ne super Gelegenheit Englisch zu sprechen.

Viele Sachen sind auch Gefühl, würden sicher andere Leute auch anders sehen und Gewähr kann ich Dir auch keine geben, da mein Englisch auch kaum mit Muttersprachlern erworben wurde. Also seh es einfach als Vorschläge! Viel Erfolg mit Deiner Bewerbung!

DenniSkysurfer · Anmeldungsdatum: 29.01.2008 Beiträge: 2

Hallo!
Ich bewerbe mich an einer FH in Bad Honnef für Hotelmanagementund wolte fragen, ob vielleicht auch jemand einen Blick auf meinen LoM werfen kann?

Das wäre ganz toll, weil ich mir immer noch nich sicher bin der so ok is. Wahrscheinlich strotz er nur so vor fehlern.

Danke schonmal!
Dennis

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Dear Sir or Madam,

My wish to work in the hotel industry arose during my internship in a five star hotel in my hometown Hamburg where I worked for one month. Since recieving my A-Level in 2007 I visited many universities in Germany and abroad to get a better look into hotelmanagement bachelor-programs.

The fact that I majored in Englisch, German and geograpghy gives me the opportunity to have a perfect entrance into a hotelmanagement study-program. Englisch was important to obtain proficient Englisch skills. Because of the German major class I was able improve my general education and my feel for the German language. Last but not least was geography very helpful to gain knowledge about the industreis of foreign countries.

After I have visited the FH in Bad Honnef on December 7, I was sure that the FH Bad Honnef totally meets my expactations of a private university. Especially decisive for me is the wide range of offered languages and the large number of oppurtunities to gain experiende acquired in foreign countries through internships and semesters abroad. Considering that almost all lecturers already worked or are still working in the indsutry , the FH Bad Honnef offers a good cmpromise between hands-on training and management is the perfect preparation for the hotel indsutry.

The much smaller classes in private universities such as the FH Bad Honnef supply that the lecturer can better concentrate on each of the students and can therefore provide a more effective work climate. Moreover is the contact to the industry and the big network of former and successful students an advantage and very useful to find internships.

I want to study hotelmanagement so that I can intigrate my talents in my later job, e.g. My creativity, my reliability, my ambition, friendlyness and my helpfulness.
I am also intersted in traveling abroad and get to know foreign countries. I have been on holiday in Miami, Dubai and Hawaii, experienced different cultures and stayed in many different hotels around the world, where I had optimal oppoprtunities to look into the hotel business. I experienced hotels as a guest and as a staff member.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I am looking forward for hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully,
Dennis XXXXXX

Ukkat · Gast

"Dear Sir or Madam,

My wish to work in the hotel industry arose during my internship in a five star hotel in my hometown Hamburg where I worked for one month. Since recieving my A-Levels in 2007 I visited many universities in Germany and abroad to get a better overview ( Auf jeden fall nicht look ) into hotelmanagement bachelor-programs.

The fact that I majored in English, German and geograpghy gives me the opportunity to have a perfect entrance into a hotelmanagement study-program. English was important to obtain proficient Englisch skills ( wer sagt das? klingt nicht gerade, als wärst du der Meinung ). Because of the German major class I was able to improve my general education and my feel ( da würde im Deutschen jetzt nen Ausdrucksfehler dahinter stehen ) for the German language. Last but not least was geography very helpful to gain knowledge about the industries of foreign countries.

After I have visited the FH ( ein deutscher Begriff, der englischsprachigen Menschen nichts sagt ) in Bad Honnef on December 7, I was sure that the FH Bad Honnef totally meets my expactations of a private university. Especially decisive for me was the wide range of offered languages and the large number of oppurtunities to gain experience acquired in foreign countries through internships and semesters abroad. Considering that almost all lecturers already worked or are still working in the indsutry , the FH Bad Honnef offers a good compromise between hands-on training and management is the perfect preparation for the hotel indsutry.

The much smaller classes in private universities such as the FH Bad Honnef supply that the lecturer can better concentrate on each of the students and can therefore provide a more effective work climate. Moreover is the contact to the industry and the big network of former and successful students an advantage and very useful to find internships.

I want to study hotelmanagement so that I can integrate my talents in my later job, e.g. my creativity, my reliability, my ambition, friendlyness and my helpfulness.
I am also intersted in travelling abroad and get to know foreign countries. I have been on holiday in Miami, Dubai and Hawaii, experienced different cultures and stayed in many different hotels around the world, where I had optimal oppoprtunities to look into the hotel business. I experienced hotels as a guest and as a staff member.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I am looking forward for hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully,
Dennis XXXXXX"

also als erstes mal: mach die ganzen XXXX da weg...wie informal ist das denn...

ansonsten ist das erstmal ok soweit.

noch ne kleine Anmerkung:
versuch nicht soviele lange geschachtelte Sätze zu schreiben. im Deutschen ist das vielleicht normal, aber im englischsprachigen gehts eher um kurze Sätze...

und wegen deinem travelling abroad.
Es ist glaub ich nicht wichtig, wo du letztlich gewesen bist, denn die Orte klingen so, als würdest du Luxus vorziehen...

und dann noch so ne anmerkung, die ich vielleicht als Lesender der Bewerbung haben würdest:
Welche SPrachen kannst du noch?
Englisch und Deutsch gut zu können ist ja heute nichts aussergewöhnliches mehr ( leider ).

Hoffe ich konnt dir helfen.