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klotzi
Gast
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 Verfasst am: 10. Jan 2006 16:03 Titel: Sind da Fehler drinnen? |
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Hallo. Geht um ne Reise nach New York:
| Zitat: | First of all, a few general facts about New York:
The city has about 8.100.000 inhabitants and a size of ca. 800 km². Although it’s not the American capital, it is the biggest city in the United States. New York is divided into 5 boroughs: Manhattan, Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten Island. The most famous borough is Manhattan (also called “Big Apple”) with its big scyscrapers and the Central Park, but it’s also the smallest quarter of New York.
We first visited the Empire State Building. This is the highest building in New York since 11th September 2001, when the World Trace Center was destroyed. It has 102 floors and is 381 meters high or 443 meters including its broadcast antenna. Although it was already officially opened in 1931, I think it looks very modern. We entered the huge entrance lobby and after many security checks we took a very fast elevator to go to the top. There is a public observatory and a small shop where you can buy gifts and some food. The view was fantastic: You could see nearly the whole city, even the Statue of Liberty which is very far away. We took many photos and after a few minutes we left the observatory. This was a great impression for me!
The next highlight was Central Park. Although it’s only 5 % of Manhattan’s floorspace, it seemed much bigger to me. For New York’s inhabitants it’s like an oasis they can escape to from their hectically city life. We made a short walk through the park and I found it very nice. There were countless trees, a few lakes and I think the people who made sports on the lawn or a walk through it really enjoyed this. After that we visited the World Trade Center, two twin towers which were the highest builgings in New York from 1973 until 11th September 2001, when they were destroyed by Islamic terrorist who into the buildings with civil aircrafts. The Northern tower was about 417 m high, or 512 meters including a broadcast antenna, and the Southern one about 415 meters. We didn’t visit the public observatory on the top of the Southern Tower, but we made a walk around the two towers. It was really impressing and I wondered how human beings could build such a big thing. After this walk we went into the winter garden of the World Trade Center. This was a big glass hall which connected the two towers. Although it was only an entrance lobby, it was bigger than most of the buldings I have ever seen before, and inside this hall there were a restaurant and many palm trees.
After taking many photos of it we made a tour through New York’s China Town. I don’t know exactly which China Town it was, because New York has three ones. These China Towns were built in the 19th Century as a result of discriminatory land laws which restricted the land sales to Chinese people to a limited geographical area. Although I’ve never been to China, I felt like being there. Everything was Chinese – the shops, the people, many traffic signs and even a McDonald’s store! Most of the buildings contained smalls Chinese shops where chicken, fish and other Chinese food were sold, but this food didn’t look tasty to us, e.g. heads of chickens, so we didn’t buy anything there. It was exciting to walk through a real small China within an American city.
After our visit in China Town the guided bus tour ended. We went back to hotel, ate something and in the evening we explored the centre of Manhattan on ourselves. We started with the Times Square, not far away from our hotel, where 7th Avenue crosses the Broadway and which is named after the daily newspaper “New York Times”, which had its office there in the early 20th century. It’s an enormous place with hundreds of advertising sings of the biggest companies in the world and many screens showing TV-shows, news and other things 24 hours a day. It was fantastic! It really seemed to be day and not night because of all the lights. Many restaurants, theaters, even TV-Studios and the NASDAQ are located at or around Times Square, the heart of New York. I think most of the people there were tourists, thus many street salesmen where there who sold faked sun glasses, CDs and other things.
After that we explored the Broadway, which goes through the Times Square. The Broadway is a major street and the oldest north-south main thoroughfare of New York City. We didn’t walk down the whole street, this would have taken too long, but we walked down the area near Times Square. In this area of the Broadway, which is often called Theatre Disctrict or “Great White Way”, you can find many theaters and music halls. Like the Times Square, every year millions of tourists visit this place. Although I didn’t find it very interesting because I’m not interested in theaters that much and there weren’t so many lights as on Times Square, it was nice to see if you compared this to other streets in New York which looked like normal streets in other citys. The Broadway was the last thing we saw on this day before we returned to our hotel.
On the next day, we continued our walk through the city and hat a lot of time for shopping. First we visited the Trump Tower, but we didn’t enter it. This is a scyscraper built by Donald Trump, a famous American business executive. It wasn’t very interesting as it wasn’t as big as most of the other scyscrapers and thus we went to Macy’s, the world largest store. I was excited about what it would look like, but when we were in, I realized that there was no real difference to other large stores, for example the “KaDeWe” in Berlin, Germany. We didn’t buy anything, because most of the things were very expensive compared to other stores in New York, so we continued our shopping tour with visiting other stores.
Except of these things we didn’t do many that afternoon. In the evening there was a special highlight: a guided bus tour by night through Manhattan. We saw the things we had seen by day, for example WTC, Empire State Building, but the greatest impression that night was another one: We went to a harbor outside Manhattan but with a great view onto it. You could nearly see the whole skyline behind the waterfront which is around Manhattan and everywhere were lights. It was fantastic. After that we had a small meal at the harbor’s snack bar and returned to our hotel. The next day, it was Sunday morning, we visited a church in Harlem, which is a quarter of Manhattan and where mainly Black Americans live. When we arrived at this church there was a service. We entered it and went up to the gallery so we had an overview and could see the whole church. People were singing gospel songs, dancing, clapping their hands, everything and everybody was loose. It was completely different to our services at church which often seem boring to young people, although in Germany you can come to church in normal clothes, but in the USA most of the people wear special clothes like dresses or suits. |
Sind da irgendwie Rechtschreib-/Grammatik-/Stilfehler drinnen?
Und weiß jemand andere Satzanfänge als "after this"? 
Vielen Dank  |
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Ukkat
Gast
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| Verfasst am: 10. Jan 2006 19:14 Titel: |
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Hallo.
Der Übersicht halber solltest du, wenn du den Text schreibst, deutliche Absätze machen, damit das ordentlich aussieht.
ist der erste satz,den du uns geschrieben hast, auch dein erster? Ist nämlich keine gute Einleitung.
Dann schreib lieber nen Satz über New York bzw., dass es sich um New York handelt.
SO nen paar kleine Korrekturen:
1.)
"The city has about 8.100.000 inhabitants and a size of ca. 800 km²."
schreib doch einfach: In city there live over 8 million people and it has a sitze of 800km2 ( vlt. nen Vergleichswert nennen, z.B. dreimal so groß wie Stadt x oder so ).
2.) Zahlen sollten generell bis 12 immer ausgeschrieben werden, von daher würde es dann "N.Y. is divided into five boroughs" heißen.
3.) Vermeide Klammern.... besser: The most famous borough is Manhatten which is also called the "Big Apple"....
4.) skyscraper
5.) "We first visited the Empire State Building."
also erstmal müsste es " we have visited" heißen und dann wäre mein Frage, ob du nen allgemeinen Text über New York schreibst oder ne Art Reisebericht. Falls letzteres der Fall ist, solltest du das irgendwie vorher schon anklingen lassen.
6.) "This is the highest building in New York since 11th September 2001, when the World Trace Center was destroyed. It has 102 floors and is 381 meters high or 443 meters including its broadcast antenna. Although it was already officially opened in 1931, I think it looks very modern. We entered the huge entrance lobby and after many security checks we took a very fast elevator to go to the top. There is a public observatory and a small shop where you can buy gifts and some food."
"it is the highest building in N.Y."
Da du einen Text über Amerika schreibst, solltest du auch die amerikanische Sprache anwenden und somit das Dateiformat ändern.
das "it has" verwirrt etwas, denn man könnte fast denken, dass sich das jetzt noch auf das WTC bezieht.
"is 381 meters high OR TO BE CORRECT 443 m if you include the broadcast antenna"
lass das "already" im nächsten Satz weg, denn das ist irgendwie doppelt gemoppelt und gleichzeitig widersprechend.
"I would say that it looks very modern."
7.) "This was a great impression for me!"
besser: This has impressed me very much. ( auf jeden Fall ohne Ausrufezeichen )
8.) "The next highlight was Central Park."
....was the Central Park....
9.) hectic city life.
10.) take a walk.....du machst ja den Weg schließlich nicht sondern läuft auf einem Weg.
11.) WTC, THE two twin towers which were the highest builDings .... Islamic terroristS who drove/ flew two planes into the two buildings.
...The northern tower ( würde sagen kein Eigenwort, also klein schreiben ) used to be about 417 meters high....
Ich finde, dass du entweder die Höhenanzahl mit Antenne angeben solltest oder eben ohne, aber diese Mischformen sind nicht gut und verwirren den Leser, weil der sich danach fragt,ob die Antennen wirklich so wichtig sind?!
Und da es hier primär um New York geht, ist das dnek ich mal nicht so schlimm, wenn du nur eine Meterangabe machst.
12.) human beings.....vlt. eher humans benutzen
13.) "After this walk we went ino the winter garden of the World Trade Center. This was a big glass hall which connected the two towers. Although it was only an entrance lobby, it was bigger than most of the buldings I have ever seen before, and inside this hall there were a restaurant and many palm trees."
ich glaube, dass der Wintergarten immer noch steht, von daher sollte man "this is a big glass hall" sagen. :-)
14.) noch so ein genereller Tipp: Die Deutschen sind Weltmeister im Komma schreiben, was aber bei den Briten und Amis nicht so der Fall ist.
15.) "After taking many photos of it we made a tour through New York’s China Town. I don’t know exactly which China Town it was, because New York has three ones."
..China Town it was because New York actually has three....
16.) ...contained small ( ohne S ) Chinese shops....
Ich hör jetzt an der Stelle mal mit Korrigieren auf, weil ich merke, dass ich die Zeit dann heute doch nicht habe....muss auch noch nen bisschen was machen.
Hoffe, dass ich dir erstmal helfen konnte.
Und bitte nimm die Korrekturen nicht persönlich, es sind ja nur Verbesserungen und jeder macht ja mal Fehler.
Schließlich bringt es dir auch nicht viel, wenn wir den Text für vollkommen perfekt erklären und dein Lehrer dir dann was anderes erzählt. |
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klotzi
Gast
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| Verfasst am: 22. Jan 2006 17:08 Titel: |
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Hi!
Danke erstmal 
Ja, soll ein Reisebericht werden, aber die Einleitung hab ich hier weggelassen.
| Zitat: | 5.) "We first visited the Empire State Building."
also erstmal müsste es " we have visited" heißen |
Jo, das is eins meiner Probleme: Ich weiß nie, wann ich welche Zeit benutzen soll... 
Wieso muss es hier "have visited" heißen?
Ansonsten vielen Dank, vll. sieht ja noch einer mehr Fehler
Und nein, ich nehms natürlich nicht persönlich, wenn Fehler drin sind. Genau deswegen frag ich hier ja
Danke |
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Ukkat
Gast
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| Verfasst am: 22. Jan 2006 18:16 Titel: |
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Ehrlich gesagt kann ich dir das auch nicht erklären, warum das so sein muss.
war nen jahr in england gewesen und mach das jetzt immer intuitiv richtig ohne dir sagen zu können, warum ich das so mache.
Vorher gings mir aber auch so wie dir, dass ich bei der grammatik nicht durchsehe.
Teilweise ist das auch in der USA und in GB anders. Oft sagen die briten " have visited" , wenn die Amis die richtige Vergangenheit/Passiv,tw. mit "was", benutzen. |
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Christina
Anmeldungsdatum: 30.09.2005
Beiträge: 131
Wohnort: Ruhrgebiet
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| Verfasst am: 22. Jan 2006 19:00 Titel: |
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ehm....hier musst du aber simple past nehmen. Ein Reisebericht ist ein Reisebericht. Auch wenn kein konkretes Datum genannt ist bezieht es sich auf einen bestimmten Zeitpunkt. Present Perfect würde in diesem Zusammenhang nur benutzt, wenn du sagst , dass du auch schon mal das Empire Stat besucht hast.
Also hier ganz klar: alles im Simple past!!!
(und ich hab zu USA + GB da keinen Unterschied festgestellt was die Zeiten anghet...wäre auch nicht sinnig da die Grammar numal gleich ist Allerdings in verschiedenen Schichten .. ja !)
_________________
Alles Liebe
von der Irland - Fee....
May the most you wish for be the least you get.
May the best day of your past
Be the worst day of your future.
(irish blessing) |
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klotzi
Gast
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| Verfasst am: 23. Jan 2006 14:14 Titel: |
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Ok, vielen Dank
Hmm hat jemand noch n paar Fehler gefunden? |
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