| Autor |
Nachricht |
der_flori
Anmeldungsdatum: 04.09.2009
Beiträge: 2
Wohnort: berlin
|
 Verfasst am: 04. Sep 2009 21:16 Titel: Letter of Motivation FSJ |
 |
|
Letter of motivation
Dear Madam or Sir,
I am studying at `Otto-Nagel` Secondary school in Berlin-Biesdorf.
I’ll finish with my A-Levels and exams in 2010.
In Germany it’s still obligatory to do a national service in the German armed forces.
Instead I want to use this year to realize volunteer services and charity work.
By realizing such community work and social engagement, I can add a value contribution and support peacekeeping and international understanding. In the end, this is a small part that I can provide to tolerance and multicultural living.
I want to help AFS to make their charity projects and exchanges possible. To reach this possibility I want to help by doing volunteer or charity tasks. I think it's important to realize this by doing non profit work.
For me, gaining experience to advance my character is a goal of this work. This year is an important part to my future and to other persons, who could have that chance and opportunities. I want to spend one year to help others and to do volunteer tasks for charity.
Between 2005 and 2009 I already participated in five exchange programs in 3 different countries. In this period, I gained value experiences, which makes it possible for me to provide understanding and skills for the work with AFS and exchange programs.
I speak fluent English and French. I learned value language skills, conversation skills and linguistic instincts by living together with native speakers.
I'll have math and computing skills, which are my advanced courses right now. And I really have a lot of personal experience with exchange programs and situations. This will help to solve my tasks and challenges. For the FSJ, I hope to gain a lot of different experience by working in the AFS office. For me, this work includes many areas. I would like to work with the volunteers, with different exchange partners, with host families and by promoting exchange programs or manage office tasks. I would like to spend one year for volunteer services and to support AFS and possibilities of exchange programs for others.
Every exchange I made was an impressive experience and an unforgettable time. These experiences changed my way of life, my character and behavior. I respect every host family and participant for their engagement and character. I learned to live in new situations and environments, to get comfortable with different ways of living or traditions. This will really help me to live in different host families and to work and live independent and autonomous.
I am comfortable with nearly every situation, host family or accommodation. I do not expect any special accommodation, family or way of living. In fact I’ll like to experience new situations.
As a result I thought about my own situation and began to compare it to other ones. These experiences changed my way of living, my character and my behavior. That’s why I want to work with AFS to make these chances possible for other exchange students.
I’ll be hard-working, experienced, enthusiastic, reliable and independent.
Please do not hesitate to contact me.
Yours sincerely
Florian Wulff
Ich habe den Text schon selbstständig korrektur gelesen, aber in selbstverfassten Texten finde ich meistens nur wenige Fehler. Vielen Dank für die Mühe und Helfen
Florian |
|
 |
MI
Administrator
Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005
Beiträge: 1140
Wohnort: München
|
| Verfasst am: 07. Sep 2009 23:42 Titel: Re: Letter of Motivation FSJ |
|
|
Erster Kommentar: Keine Kurzformen in formalen Texten wie Bewerbungsschreiben.
Ansonsten habe ich mal einige grobe Dinge, die mir aufgefallen sind, erledigt, allerdings bin ich mit einigen Sätzen nicht so ganz zufrieden. Hoffentlich findet noch jemand anderes die Zeit, darüberzuschauen.
Insgesamt finde ich deinen Stil irgendwie etwas schwammig, aber da mögen andere ganz anders urteilen.
Gruß 
MI
| der_flori hat Folgendes geschrieben: | Letter of motivation
Dear Sir or Madam, frag mich nicht warum, aber die Engländer haben's in aller Regel so rum, anders wird's auffallen 
I am studying at `Otto-Nagel` secondary school in Berlin-Biesdorf.
I will receive my A-Levels in 2010.
In Germany there still exists a mandatory military service. "mandatory military service" ist, soweit ich weiß, der Fachbegriff dafür.
Instead I want to use this year to realize volunteer services and charity work. Der Satz ergibt für mich so leider keinen Sinn. "Instead"=Stattdessen - um dieses Wort zu benutzen, müsstest du meiner Meinung nach sagen, dass du auch diesen Dienst leisten musst. Also quasi einen Satz davor stellen wie, "I do not wish to do this military service, instead..."
By realizing such community work and social engagement, I can add a value contribution wohin hinzufügen? and support peacekeeping and international understanding. In the end, this is a small part that I can provide to tolerance and multicultural living.
I want to help AFS to make their charity projects and exchanges possible. To reach this I want to help by doing volunteer or charity tasks. Mir sind da die Unterschiede nicht ganz klar - auch der Bezug zum folgenden Satz nicht I think it is important to realize this by doing non profit work.
For me, gaining experience to advance my character is a goal of this work. This year is an important part to my future and to other people, who could have that chance and opportunity. I want to spend one year to help others and to do volunteer tasks for charity.
Between 2005 and 2009 I already participated in five exchange programs in three different countries. Bis zwölf ausschreiben In this period, I gained valuable experiences, which makes it possible for me to provide understanding and skills for the work with AFS and exchange programs.
I speak fluent English and French. I acquired language skills, conversation skills and linguistic instincts by living together with native speakers.
I will have maths and computing skills, which are my advanced courses right now and I really have a lot of personal experience with exchange programs and situations. This will help to solve my tasks and challenges. For the FSJ, I hope to gain a lot of different experience by working in the AFS office. For me, this work includes many areas. I would like to work with the volunteers, with different exchange partners, with host families and by promoting exchange programs or manage office tasks. I would like to spend one year for volunteer services and to support AFS and possibilities of exchange programs for others.
Every exchange I made was an impressive experience and an unforgettable time. These experiences changed my way of life, my character and behavior. I respect every host family and participant for their engagement and character. I learned to live in new situations and environments, to get comfortable with different ways of living or traditions. This will really help me to live in different host families and to work and live independently and autonomously.
I am comfortable with nearly every situation, host family or accommodation. I do not expect any special accommodation, family or way of living. In fact I would like to experience new situations.
As a result I thought about my own situation and began to compare it to other ones. These experiences changed my way of living, my character and my behavior. That is why I want to work with AFS to make these chances possible for other exchange students.
I will be hard-working, experienced, enthusiastic, reliable and independent.
Please do not hesitate to contact me.
Yours faithfully
Florian Wulff
|
|
|
|
der_flori
Anmeldungsdatum: 04.09.2009
Beiträge: 2
Wohnort: berlin
|
| Verfasst am: 11. Sep 2009 16:50 Titel: |
|
|
Vielen Dank für die Hinweise und Korrekturen und ,dass sich jemand die Zeit genommen hat dafür!! 
Ich habe die Bewerbung geschrieben und abgeschickt und werde jetzt wohl etwas länger warten müssen bis ich eine Antwort erwarten kann.
Also kann das Thema jetzt geschlossen werden. |
|
|
MI
Administrator
Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005
Beiträge: 1140
Wohnort: München
|
| Verfasst am: 12. Sep 2009 14:21 Titel: |
|
|
Danke für das Feedback. Thread bleibt offen, weil wir das hier generell so handhaben.
Viel Glück dir bei deiner Bewerbung!
Gruß
MI |
|
|
|
|
Registrieren
Login
FAQ
Suchen
