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fe203
Anmeldungsdatum: 01.03.2010
Beiträge: 1
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 Verfasst am: 01. März 2010 17:56 Titel: Bitte um Korrektur |
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Hallo,
ich bräuchte Hilfe bei der Korrektur des nachfolgenden englischen Textes. Schon mal vielen Dank im vorraus!
Climate:
The climate in California can be divided up into three zones.
·On the coast the temperatures are lower by the influence of the rather chill Pacific than inside of the land. In the north there are often rainy winters. In summer there is often the fog which provides therefore for chiller temperatures.
·In mountains like the Sierra Nevada it often becomes rather hot in summer because of the height position the temperatures drop after sundown very fast. In winter must be calculated on very big snowy amounts.
·In the desert there is mostly sunny the whole year during the day and it is warm, however, at night it cools very strongly.
California is also known as the “Wine State “ (Fruit Belt) whose climate is ideally for the cultivation of grapes, oranges, lemons and avocados.
History:
The history of California began with the immigration of the first Indians for 13.000-15.000 years ago. The colonization of America by the Europeans began in the 16th century. During the Californian Gold Rush (in 1848-1854) thousands of people looked for their luck as a forty-niner in California. By the Gold Rush the Europeans take over the superior strength in the still young state within less years. The Indian population is destroyed almost completely or is forced to the assimilation. After the Civil War, many Chinese relocated to California what provided for various ethnic riots. In the 20th century oil was found at first what inspired the economy again. Then the success of the film followed whose most important centre lies in Hollywood. During the Second World War the harbours of California served as a starting point for the Pacific War. After the end of the Second World War, California was stamped by the rise of new youth cultures and protest cultures like the baby boom and the hippie culture. On economic side the triumphal procession of the high technology branch began which made the Silicone Valley to the centre of the information age.
Mein Lehrer meinte, dass hier schon einige Fehler seien. Hab eigentlich schon gründlich geschaut, aber trotzdem scheint es nicht perfekt zu sein. |
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MI
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Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005
Beiträge: 1140
Wohnort: München
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| Verfasst am: 04. März 2010 22:01 Titel: Re: Bitte um Korrektur |
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Leider alles andere als perfekt  . Ich mache mal den ersten Teil  . Wahrscheinlich habe ich auch noch etwas übersehen.
Gruß
MI
| fe203 hat Folgendes geschrieben: |
Climate:
The climate in California can be divided into three zones.
·At the coast, the temperatures are lower than elsewhere because of the influence of the rather chill Pacific. Die Satzstruktur erfordert meines Wissens das than vor der Begründung, die mit because of besser eingeleitet ist als mit "by". In the north there are often rainy winters. In summer it is often foggy which leads therefore to lower temperatures. "it is often foggy" klingt besser als "there is often fog" (auf jeden Fall ohne Artikel!), außerdem gefällt mir "provide" nicht wirklich. Du möchtest wahrscheinlich sagen, dass dies zu niedrigeren Temp. führt.
·In the mountains like the Sierra Nevada it often becomes rather hot in summer, but (?) because of the high position the temperatures drop very fast after sundown Das "because of" hat so keinen eindeutigen Bezugspunkt. Ferner gehören Zeitangaben wie "after sundown" ans Ende des Satzes (SVO) . In winter, a lot of snowfall is possible.
·In the desert it is mostly sunny the whole year during the day and it is warm, however, at night it cools very strongly.
California is also known as the “Wine State “ (Fruit Belt) whose climate is ideal for the cultivation of grapes, oranges, lemons and avocados. |
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