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Physinetz
Anmeldungsdatum: 21.09.2006
Beiträge: 41
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 Verfasst am: 13. Mai 2007 16:18 Titel: Textkorrektur : Bitte helfen auch wenn Muttertag ist ;-) |
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Hallo alle zusammen!
Habe eine Art Texterörterung als Hausaufgabe bekommen.
Der Inhalt soll hier nicht beachtet werden, nur die Sprachrichtigkeit.
Wäre super wenn jemand es mal korrigieren könnte. Ich weiß es ist bisschen lang, aber ich wäre demjenigen unglaublich dankbar !!!
The text claims, that the scene is described clear and brief. But when we look closely, we remark, that there is a long introduction, helping to get a picture of the setting and the atmosphere (see p.45 l.34 ff).Consequently the these , that the scene is described briefly is wrong. This can be also seen, when we consider the protagonists. There are many background information about them, such as the commencements of their relationship (see p.39 l. 31ff) or their former professions (see p.40 l.20). All things considered, the proceedings are detailed and show their everyday life and the rebound with many background information.
Furthermore, the text says, that the story is structured in a beginning, a middle and an end, which does not give leeway to further questions.
I have already mentioned, that there is a long introduction, followed by a middle, which comprises a rising conflict (see p.48 l.50 ff : tennis match) and the confession of Guy.
When Doris makes up her opinion to leave Guy, the end of the story is reached, whereas the question arises, whether the Malayan woman will return to Guy or not. The flashbacks inserted, such as the confession of Guy, when he explains the accomplishment of the relationship with the native woman, spans about 4 pages. To my mind, there are flashbacks in the story but they are presented at great length, that is why the these in the text is only to a limited extent suitable.
An omniscient narrator is characterized by both an interior view, like senses and emotions of persons, and an exterior view, which includes facts, an objective point of view and the proceedings.” All things mentioned, are given in the story :”She was gay … woman conceal their feelings better than men (p.61 l.60 ff) ;“he was twenty-nine, but he was still a school boy” (p.39 l.30 ff ). Besides, the allegation of the text, that the story itself embraces a period of little more than six months is right, what can be proved with the following quotation : “A second month passed, then a third, and suddenly the six months” (see p.62 l.13 ff).
Vielen Dank an diejenigen die sich die Mühe machen , auch noch am Muttertag ^^ zu helfen. 
Schönen Sonntag noch |
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Goldenhind
Ehrenmoderator
Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006
Beiträge: 399
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| Verfasst am: 13. Mai 2007 20:55 Titel: Re: Textkorrektur : Bitte helfen auch wenn Muttertag ist ;-) |
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| Physinetz hat Folgendes geschrieben: | The text claims, that the scene is described clearly and briefly. But when we look closely, we remark, that there is a long introduction, helping to get a picture of the setting and the atmosphere (see p.45 l.34 ff).Consequently the thesis , that the scene is described briefly is wrong. This can be also seen, when we consider the protagonists. There are many background information about them, such as the commencements of their relationship (see p.39 l. 31ff) or their former professions (see p.40 l.20). All things considered, the proceedings are detailed and show their Bezug von "their" syntaktisch unklar everyday life and the rebound with many background information.
Furthermore, the text says, that the story is structured in a beginning, a middle and an end, which does not give leeway to further questions.
I have already mentioned, that there is a long introduction, followed by a middle, which comprises a rising conflict (see p.48 l.50 ff : tennis match) and the confession of Guy.
When Doris makes up her opinion to leave Guy, the end of the story is reached, whereas die Konjunktion "wohingegen" finde ich hier ein wenig unpassend... the question arises, whether the Malayan woman will return to Guy or not. The flashbacks inserted, such as the confession of Guy, when he explains the accomplishment of the relationship with the native woman, span about 4 pages. To my mind, there are flashbacks in the story but they are presented at great length, that is why the thesis in the text is only to a limited extent suitable.
An omniscient narrator is characterized by both an interior view, like senses and emotions of persons, and an exterior view, which includes facts, an objective point of view and the proceedings.” All things mentioned, are given in the story :”She was gay … woman conceal their feelings better than men (p.61 l.60 ff) ;“he was twenty-nine, but he was still a school boy” (p.39 l.30 ff ). Besides, the allegation of the text, that the story itself embraces a period of little more than six months is right, what can be proved with the following quotation : “A second month passed, then a third, and suddenly the six months” (see p.62 l.13 ff).
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Ich habe bestimmt einiges übersehen, komme gerade von einem anstrengenden verlängerten Wochenende bei den Hansetagen in Lippstadt zurück...
MfG Goldenhind |
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Physinetz
Anmeldungsdatum: 21.09.2006
Beiträge: 41
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| Verfasst am: 14. Mai 2007 18:33 Titel: |
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| Zitat: | | When Doris makes up her opinion to leave Guy, the end of the story is reached, whereas die Konjunktion "wohingegen" finde ich hier ein wenig unpassend... the question arises, |
Wie würdest du dann sagen: ...das Ende der Story ist erreicht, wobei eine Frage sich auftut...
Danke Für deine Super Hilfe... |
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Goldenhind
Ehrenmoderator
Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006
Beiträge: 399
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| Verfasst am: 14. Mai 2007 21:54 Titel: |
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Wenn mich jetzt nicht alles täuscht wäre das dann "whereat" |
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Hendrik
Anmeldungsdatum: 17.05.2007
Beiträge: 3
Wohnort: Fayetteville, NC
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| Verfasst am: 17. Mai 2007 06:34 Titel: |
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hey,
i just picked goldenhind's correction and pointed out some more spelling mistakes.. its mainly wrong punctuation, though.
| Zitat: | The text claims no , that the scene is described clearly and briefly. But (i wouldnt start a sentence with 'but') When we look closely, however, we remark, that there is a long introduction, helping to get a picture of the setting and the atmosphere (see p.45 l.34 ff).Consequently, the thesis that the scene is described briefly is wrong. This can be also seen no , when we consider the protagonists. There are many background information about them, such as the commencements of their relationship (see p.39 l. 31ff) or their former professions (see p.40 l.20). All things considered, the proceedings are detailed and show their everyday life and the rebound with many background information.
Furthermore, the text says, that the story is structured in a beginning, a middle, (i am not a hundred percent positive..)and an end, which does not give leeway to further questions.
I have already mentioned, that there is a long introduction, followed by a middle, which comprises a rising conflict (see p.48 l.50 ff : tennis match) and the confession of Guy.
When Doris makes up her opinion to leave Guy, the end of the story is reached, and the question arises, whether the Malayan woman will return to Guy or not. The flashbacks, such as the confession of Guy no , when he explains the accomplishment of the relationship with the native woman, span about 4 pages. To my mind, there are flashbacks in the story but they are presented at great length, and the thesis in the text is therefore only to a limited extent suitable.
An omniscient narrator is characterized by both an interior view, like senses and emotions of persons, and an exterior view, which includes facts, an objective point of view and the proceedings.” All things mentioned, are given in the story :”She was gay … woman conceal their feelings better than men (p.61 l.60 ff) ;“he was twenty-nine, but he was still a school boy” (p.39 l.30 ff ). Besides, the allegation of the text, that the story itself embraces a period of little more than six months is right, what can be proved with the following quotation : “A second month passed, then a third, and suddenly the six months” (see p.62 l.13 ff).
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mfG Hendrik
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