Bitte um Korrektur

Waschbaer3108 · Anmeldungsdatum: 23.08.2006 Beiträge: 25

Hallo,

wär wirklich sehr dankbar wenn ihr euch meinen Text mal anschauen würdet und mir Grammatik-, Wort-,und Stilfehler sowie alles was ihr sonst so findet mitteilen würdet!

Vielen Dank!!

In 1992 the referendum weather talks with the black majority should continue to end white minority rule was endorsed.
But many whites were afraid of majority rule as the feared the blacks’ revenge. That’s why many of them, even members of his own party, called de Klerk a “traitor” for “selling the national interests”. (ME 53) Although most of the whites thought that the official abolishment of the Apartheid system was a relief, they still felt unconfident, sceptical and worried. Especially the Boer extreme right was full of defiance and anger.
On the other hand, the black population was not satisfied either. While the State of Emergency was ended, exiled persons were able to come back to South Africa and formerly banned organisations could operate freely, the everyday life stayed quite unimproved. They might have been able to hope for a better future, but their inadequate living conditions, their bad education and their professional and economic situation did not change. Particularly young people lacked the patience to await more negotiations and would have preferred a decisive battle against the system.
In April 1993 an assassination challenged the peaceful negotiations. Chris Hani, second most popular ANC leader after Mandela, was shot in the name of the extreme Boer right. This was an attempt to create so much chaos because of black protest that the Boer would be able to reinstall a white regime. But Nelson Mandela prohibited the outbreak of chaos with a speech on TV, in which he summoned his people to stay calm and restrained. So the negotiators could instantly continue their work.
The Afrikaner Weerstansbeweging (AWB) under Eugene Terre’Blanche was also determined to offer resistance but in the end it was not able to reach its goal of a united “volk”.
The Freedom Front (FF) tried to achieve the “volksstaat” politically. FF leader General Constand Viljoen and Nelson Mandela met several times and agreed to check if a volksstaat is feasible. This enabled the FF to take part in the negotiations and the upcoming elections. But the “volksstaatraad” has never found an appropriate territory

Goldenhind · Ehrenmoderator Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006 Beiträge: 399

weather= Wetter whether=ob
"But" gilt nicht als schöner Satzanfang, man benutzt dann lieber "However,"
Abkürzungen wie "that's" sind Umgangssprache und sollten in schriftlichen Texten nicht verwendet werden.
Was genau willst du mit "While the State of Emergency was ended" ausdrücken? "Während" im temporalen oder adversativen Sinn? In letzterem Fall musst du statt "while" "whereas" benutzen. Und möchtest du wirklich eine passive Konstruktion "wurde beendet" ausdrücken oder eher den Zustand des beendet sein betonen? In letzterem Fall würde ich schreiben "had come to an end".
Wer in dem Satz "They might have been able" mit "they" gemeint ist, wird nicht ganz klar.
"This was an attempt to create so much chaos because of black protest that the Boer would be able to reinstall a white regime" hier gefällt mir das "create" nicht so gut und die Satzkonstruktion allgemein nicht, wegen des "because of...". Außerdem: Müsste es nicht heißen "the Boers" (Plural)?
"But Nelson Mandela prohibited": "Prohibit" heißt "verbieten", das passt wohl nicht so gut, benutze lieber ein Wort für "verhindern".

MfG Goldenhind

Waschbaer3108 · Anmeldungsdatum: 23.08.2006 Beiträge: 25

Vielen lieben Dank! Wow, das sind ja fast so viele Verbesserungen wie Text... unglücklich

Passt es jetzt?

In 1992 the referendum whether talks with the black majority should continue to end white minority rule was endorsed.
However, many whites were afraid of majority rule as the feared the blacks’ revenge. That is why many of them, even members of his own party, called de Klerk a “traitor” for “selling the national interests”. (ME 53) Although most of the whites thought that the official abolishment of the Apartheid system was a relief, they still felt unconfident, sceptical and worried. Especially the Boer extreme right was full of defiance and anger.
On the other hand, the black population was not satisfied either. Whereas the State of Emergency had come to an end, exiled persons were able to come back to South Africa and formerly banned organisations could operate freely, the everyday life stayed quite unimproved. Blacks might have been able to hope for a better future, but their inadequate living conditions, their bad education and their professional and economic situation did not change. Particularly young people lacked the patience to await more negotiations and would have preferred a decisive battle against the system.
In April 1993 an assassination challenged the peaceful negotiations. Chris Hani, second most popular ANC leader after Mandela, was shot in the name of the extreme Boer right. The expected chaos should have given the Boers the opportunity to reinstall a white regime. But Nelson Mandela prevented the outbreak of chaos with a speech on TV, in which he summoned his people to stay calm and restrained. So the negotiators could instantly continue their work.
The Afrikaner Weerstansbeweging (AWB) under Eugene Terre’Blanche was also determined to offer resistance but in the end it was not able to reach its goal of a united “volk”.
The Freedom Front (FF) tried to achieve the “volksstaat” politically. FF leader General Constand Viljoen and Nelson Mandela met several times and agreed to check if a volksstaat is feasible. This enabled the FF to take part in the negotiations and the upcoming elections. But the “volksstaatraad” has never found an appropriate territory.

Goldenhind · Ehrenmoderator Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006 Beiträge: 399

Ein paar Kleinigkeiten sind mir noch aufgefallen:
Im 2. Satz meinst du wohl "as they feared".
Der Begriff "bad education" gefällt mir irgendwie nicht, bin mir nicht sicher, aber das heißt glaube ich mehr "schlechte Erziehung" als "niedriges Bildungsniveau".
"The expected chaos should have given the Boers the opportunity to reinstall a white regime." Durch das "should have" klingt es so, als sei es die Meinung des Autors. Ich würde schreiben "was supposed to give".

Waschbaer3108 · Anmeldungsdatum: 23.08.2006 Beiträge: 25

Vielen vielen Dank!

ja, supposed to give ist natürlich viel besser...Ich sitz schon zu lang vor dem ganzen....
Denkst du, man kann statt bad education low grade education sagen?

Jack · Ehrenmoderator Anmeldungsdatum: 09.04.2006 Beiträge: 549

Ich würde an der Stelle einfach "low level of education" verwenden, das heißt so viel wie "niedriger Bildungsstand" im Deutschen.