Korrekturlesen LETTER OF MOTIVATION

snufi · Anmeldungsdatum: 11.07.2007 Beiträge: 2

Hallo und guten Abend! Willkommen

Ich sitze heute schon einige Zeit, da ich eine Bewerbung für ein Praktikum in einem Hotel in China verfasse. Habe Lebenslauf schon fertig u bin beim Letter of motivation ...

Da ich heute schon so viel gelesen hab u ich schon ziemlich durcheinander bin kommt mir schon alles richtig vor ... Hammer

LETTER OF MOTIVATION Lehrer

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing with reference to the possibility of obtaining work experience within the front office department or the sales and marketing department of your hotel Hainan Kangle Garden.

I have completed my A-level at the Salzburg Tourism Schools Klessheim in 2005 and I currently study at the FHWien University of Applied Sciences of WKW business management in Vienna. In 5th term, all students attend a 15 weeks national or overseas work experience as this scheduled in the university curriculum. Personally, I would really like to be one of the students, who do their work experience overseas because foreign experience is very important for me and my life goals.

As you can see from my CV, I can offer a considerable amount of relevant work experience. In 2004 I worked in a famous five star hotel in the Caribbean for over 2 months and gained a lot of foreign experience. I really enjoyed my trainee programme in St. Lucia and when I went back to Austria I was sure, that this foreign traineeship was not my last in live. I have never been to China, so it would be a pleasure for me to work in our hotel as a management trainee. I am very familiar with a variety of computer software, including Excel, Microsoft Word and FrontPage. I have my own successful eBay shop for more than 3 years now and have very good skills in working with computers and on the internet on general. As your hotel provides an 18 hole golf course, I could assist at golf lessons or arrange some trial lessons for hotel guests, who are interested in trying to play some golf as well.

Additionally, I have excellent English language skills. In school, I went to the special English class, where I had more English lessons and did several projects like language studies in Cambridge. During my work experience in the Caribbean I learnt also a lot English, especially for the hotel business.

I am very keen to apply my skills and experience to your five star hotel in Hainan China, as my career goal is to become a project manager, who is responsible for opening new hotel resorts. I would be also very interested in the organisation of big events in the hotel business.
Therefore I am highly interested in the following tasks regarding the launch of new resorts and the marketing of new hotels:

• Discussion of hotel guests requirements in future
• Guest views: Motivation for booking a special hotel
• New trends in the hotel and tourism business

I am also especially interested in travelling abroad und get to know foreign countries. I have been on holiday in Miami, Cape Town or for example in Dubai and experienced different cultures and stayed in different hotels, where I had perfect opportunities to look into the hotel business. I experienced hotels as a guest and as a staff member.

I look forward to hearing from you and would welcome the opportunity to discuss my application in greater detail.

Yours sincerely,

Vielen Dank für eure Mühen ... Thumbs up!

Goldenhind · Ehrenmoderator Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006 Beiträge: 399

"I am currently studying" klingt imho besser.
Das "as this scheduled in the university curriculum" fügt sich irgendwie nicht in deinen Satz ein. Da fehlt wohl ein "is" oder so.
Ich würde schreiben "it is important to me" und "it is a pleasure to me" (mit "to" statt "for").
Das "Leben" schreibt man "life".
Das "our hotel" soll wohl "your hotel" heißen?
Ich würde schreiben "I have got my own succesful..."[/b]
Es heißt "in general".
Das mit dem Golf finde ich etwas merkwürdig, wenn du selber Golf spielst, solltest du das explizit sagen, wenn nicht, finde ich das erst recht komisch.
nach "Therefore" kommt ein Komma.
"Hotel guests' requirements"
"I am looking forward to..."

Außerdem finde ich, dass du das Wort "experience" zu oft benutzt.

snufi · Anmeldungsdatum: 11.07.2007 Beiträge: 2

Hallo Thomas!
Danke für deine Tipps - habs jetzt mal soweit ausgebessert und noch einen Satz vom Golf eingefügt ... es stehen 2 Sätze nämlich darüber im CV, aber ich erwähne es jetzt auch nochmal im Letter.
Welches Wort könnte ich statt experience noch nehmen - das ist mir selbst aufgefallen, aber es gibt kein anderes Wort, oder?

Hier mal die Verbesserung:
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing with reference to the possibility of obtaining work experience within the front office department or the sales and marketing department of your hotel Hainan Kangle Garden.

I have completed my A-level at the Salzburg Tourism Schools Klessheim in 2005 and I am currently studying at the FHWien University of Applied Sciences of WKW business management in Vienna. In 5th term, all students attend a 15 weeks national or overseas work experience as this is scheduled in the university curriculum. Personally, I would really like to be one of the students, who do their work experience overseas because foreign experience is very important to me and my life goals.

As you can see from my CV, I can offer a considerable amount of relevant work experience. In 2004 I worked in a famous five star hotel in the Caribbean for over 2 months and gained a lot of foreign experience. I really enjoyed my trainee programme in St. Lucia and when I went back to Austria I was sure, that this foreign traineeship was not my last in life. I have never been to China, so it would be a pleasure to me to work in your hotel as a management trainee. I am very familiar with a variety of computer software, including Excel, Microsoft Word and FrontPage. I have got my own successful eBay shop for more than 3 years now and have very good skills in working with computers and on the internet in general. One of my greatest hobbies is playing Golf and I am playing in the women golf team at my home club Zell am See, which is one of Leading Golf Courses in Austria, since I was a teenager. As your hotel provides an 18 hole golf course, I could assist at golf lessons or arrange some trial lessons for hotel guests, who are interested in trying to play some golf as well.

Additionally, I have excellent English language skills. In school, I went to the special English class, where I had more English lessons and did several projects like language studies in Cambridge. During my work experience in the Caribbean I learnt also a lot English, especially for the hotel business.

I am very keen to apply my skills and experience to your five star hotel in Hainan China, as my career goal is to become a project manager, who is responsible for opening new hotel resorts. I would be also very interested in the organisation of big events in the hotel business.
Therefore, I am highly interested in the following tasks regarding the launch of new resorts and the marketing of new hotels:

• Discussion of hotel guests’ requirements in future
• Guest views: Motivation for booking a special hotel
• New trends in the hotel and tourism business

I am also especially interested in travelling abroad und get to know foreign countries. I have been on holiday in Miami, Cape Town or for example in Dubai and experienced different cultures and stayed in different hotels, where I had perfect opportunities to look into the hotel business. I experienced hotels as a guest and as a staff member.

I am looking forward to hearing from you and would welcome the opportunity to discuss my application in greater detail.

Yours sincerely,

LG und danke nochmal Tanzen