Korrektur: Summary

Englisch-Fee ;) · Anmeldungsdatum: 08.06.2006 Beiträge: 40

ich schon wieder... tut mir leid. hoffe, es ist trotzdem jemand bereit eine korrektur meiner summary vorzunehmen. hoffentlich sind alle zusammenhänge schlüssig und deutlich. im skript stand, "as a summary of work done, it is always written in the past tense". fand das auch etwas merkwürdig, aber wenn es so verlangt ist, past tense.
danke schonmal fürs gegenlesen.

The report “The Bahia Food and Drinks Bar – organic food as a bar concept” deals with the foundation of an organic food bar by six business students. After the graduation at university, they wanted to realise their own business idea in Glasgow. The special aspect about the bar is that only organic food and beverages are served. Food grown without conventional pesticides and artificial fertilizers is certified organic. It developed to a kind of fashion in the UK.
But before the business could be fully established, some decisions had to be made by the team of entrepreneurs.
First of all they had to find a suitable location for their bar concept. The choice had to been made between two business venues. In the end the arguments militated for the cheaper location, where the costs for renovation and start-up were less. Furthermore the “White Elephant” had not such big competitors in the surroundings.
A legal from also had to be identified for the company. The business starters chose a Limited Liability Partnership (LLP) in combination with a deed of partnership. So all business rules are fixed and misunderstandings among the partners can be avoided. In addition to that, a finance plan had to be created. The listing of all expenses and revenues showed that sleeping partners are a suiting form of financing the company. Combined with the LLP it is the most fitting solution for the entrepreneurs.
The business starters also had the idea to found a corporate citizenship project on the model of The Body Shop. They decided on supporting local homeless persons with food which is residual after a working day. The engagement in beneficial activities will complement with the organic food concept and will reinforce the up-market image of the Bahia bar.

The business idea of the entrepreneurs is planned in detail. All six persons involved have their strength and weaknesses and together all important positions and tasks can be covered. They worked on many projects successfully together, so they are a well-rehearsed team.
They have to consider that they start their first project and are not yet experienced, so they are beginning on a low level. High-targeted aims like an expansion should be regarded with caution.
More and more people are interested in environmental issues, but it is still a fact that many citizens prefer fish and chips instead of ecological cultivated food. So the entrepreneurs of the Bahia team have the mission to enlarge the idea further. If the Bahia team can arouse public interest with the corporate citizenship project, it will be a positive aspect concerning the image and reputation of the bar. It is a major aim of the team to be inspirational to other people with regard to healthy nourishment. Only organic food and drinks are sold, so the concept of the Bahia bar can be distinguished from other localities in the near. Combined with the corporate citizenship project, the image which should be conveyed is conclusive. It makes the Bahia Food and Drinks Bar unique.

Rot · Anmeldungsdatum: 02.04.2006 Beiträge: 4

Hallo,

ich finde dein Text hat es eigentlich nicht nötig hier korrigiert zu werden. Dein Sprachniveau ist sehr hoch, weshalb meine Änderungsvorschläge nicht zwangsweise Verbesserungen darstellen, sondern lediglich besser mit meinem persönlichen Stilempfinden harmonieren:

1. statt aspect, feature
2.[...] and artificial fertilizers is certified organic and has come into vogue in the UK.
3. Before [...] established, however, some...
4. Given that they start [...], they're beginning...
5. (Too) ambitious goals such as expansion should...
6. create, statt arouse
7. As only organic food... ('so' dann weglassen)
8. [...] conveyed seems conclusive.

Den Satz "It is a major aim of the team to be inspirational to other people with regard to healthy nourishment" verstehe ich nicht. Wenn Du in etwa ausdrücken wolltest, dass sie Menschen für gesunde Ernährung sensibilisieren wollen, dann würde "The team's major goal is to create public awareness for healthy nourishment." schreiben.

Hoffe Dir geholfen zu haben, Rot

Englisch-Fee ;) · Anmeldungsdatum: 08.06.2006 Beiträge: 40

ja, genau so etwas wollte ich mit dem satz ausdrücken.
vielen dank fürs drüber schauen! smile