Bitte um Korrektur

panasync17mm · Anmeldungsdatum: 11.05.2009 Beiträge: 3

Ich soll demnächst einen Vortrag über Bill Gates halten. An sich kein Problem, doch der Haken (für mich jedenfalls) ist: der Vortrag muss auf Englisch sein. Er soll etwa 3-5 Minuten in Anspruch nehmen.
Da ich nicht besonders gut, eigentlich ziemlich schlecht in Englisch bin, würde es mir sehr helfen, wenn jemand meinen zurechtgebastelten “englischen“ Text korrigiert.
Danke im Voraus!

I want to give you a short presentation about Bill Henry Gates III.

Bill Gates was born on October, the 28. 1955 in Seattle. His father William Henry Gates Jn. was a very popular lawyer. Bill was the second child and only son of his parents. His mother who was a teacher earlier is now an active committee-member in many charity clubs. Bill was a very intelligent pupil who had been always the best one in his school class.

When Bill was 13 he went to Lakeside School, a private school famous for the intellectual success of their students.

Together with his friend Paul Allen he spent hours sitting in front of the computer. At night they often went to school to do a bit of computing. Once Bill told one of his teachers, that he is going to be a millionaire one day. He didn’t underestimated himself. At the age of 16, he sold his first software, which regulated the traffic lights in Seattle. When he had finished Lakeside School he went to Harvard and started studying law.

Gates married on Jan. 1, 1994 Melinda French Gates. The couple has two children: a daughter, Jennifer Katharine Gates, born in 1996; and a son, Rory John Gates, born in 1999.

In 1975 Bill Gates and Paul Allen founded Microsoft in New Mexico.

1978 Mircosoft earned the first million.
1997 Bill Gates was the richest bisinessman on the world. In the same year he built a house. The house costed 100 million dollar and called …

Today Microsoft is the biggest software company of earth.

That was my presentation on Bill Gates.

Wurggee · Anmeldungsdatum: 02.06.2010 Beiträge: 2

Eigentlich finde ich den Vortrag ganz gut.
Ich würde vielleicht am Anfang anstelle von "I want" lieber "I would like to" schreiben, da es sich meiner Meinung nach besser anhört.
Außerdem bin ich mich ziemlich sicher, dass es nicht "He had been always..." heißt, sondern "He had always been..."

Anna555 · Gast

I would like to give you a short presentation about Bill Henry Gates III.

Bill Gates was born on the 28th of October 1955 in Seattle. His father, William Henry Gates Jn., was a very popular lawyer. Bill was the second child and only son of his parents. His mother who was a teacher earlier is now an active committee-member in many charity clubs. Bill was a very intelligent pupil who had always been the best one in his school class.

When Bill was 13 he went to Lakeside School, a private school famous for the intellectual success of their students.

Together with his friend Paul Allen he spent hours sitting in front of the computer. At night they often went to school to do a bit of computing. Once Bill told one of his teachers, that he is going to be a millionaire one day. He didn’t underestimate himself. At the age of 16, he sold his first software, which regulated the traffic lights in Seattle. When he had finished Lakeside School he went to Harvard and started studying law.

Gates married Melinda French Gates on the 1st of Jan 1994. The couple has two children: a daughter, Jennifer Katharine Gates, born in 1996; and a son, Rory John Gates, born in 1999.

In 1975 Bill Gates and Paul Allen founded Microsoft in New Mexico.

1978 Mircosoft earned the first million.
1997 Bill Gates was the richest businessman in the world. The same year he built a house. It costed 100 million dollar and is called …

Today Microsoft is the biggest software company of earth.

That was my presentation on Bill Gates. Thanks for your attention.