Bitte um Korrektur dieses Textes

Maxe · Anmeldungsdatum: 06.09.2005 Beiträge: 19

Hi, wäre toll wenn mal jem sich die zeit nehmen würde um hier drüber zu gucken.
ich möchte meine Formulierungen und sowas verbessern...das hier habe ich als übung für eine arbeit am Montag geschrieben!

Also, wäre super, wenn jem zeit findet! Seid ruhig hart bei der Korrektur, da hab ich kein Problem mit!

LG Maxe

A „love match“ is the opposite of a forced marriage. That means, that there is a real love between two persons, so that they want to spend their time and life together. If you are an Indian, you have to marry very soon and if you don’t find the right person till the time you have to marry you will get a forced marriage.

Jess doesn´t know what to do. On the one hand there are her parents and their culture, which dictate her what´s right or wrong. But on the other hand there is the football playing with Jules and the team, Jess´ purpose in life. She wants to play but she also doesn´t want to hurt and disappoint her parents. That is the reason why she lies very often. In common I would say, Jess is a honest person, expect with regard to playing football. Here you can see that she´s is in a cultural clash. All in all, Jess is a modest and sensible person, who is hard-working at school( she has done A-levels) in the same way as at home and in football training. She´s determined and knows exactly what she wants: She wants to play football professionally. Sometimes she is angry about her mother, when she thinks to know what’s best for Jess. But Jess respects her own nationality and she wants to be a good daughter. One thing, she doens´t want except is that firstly the boys needn’t help at home and can play football as long as they like and secondly that there exists the forced marriage for the Indian girls. She challenges the equality between the boys and girls and indirect between the different cultures. Jess is a little bit reserved and doesn´t want to take centre stage all the time. She knows, that she actually should change their clothes and get to know boys, so that she needn´t marry a boy she doesn´t like. But Jess isn´t so ladylike, she is wearing comfortable sport dress. She´s so football enthusiastic that she is prepared to do nearly everything for playing and a self-reliant person, who tries to talk things over honestly with somebody. For example, in the situation when she is telling her parents that football means all for her. At first her good friend Tony says, that he and Jess are going to marry, but then Jess is honest and say clearly what`s going on. She has a conscience and tries to help her mother at home where she can; maybe she does it to exculpate her lies for herself. When she spent the money, she got from her parents, on the football shoes and their parents find it out it gnaws at her conscience. But she´s easily persuaded by Tony for continuing football.

On the whole everybody knows that lying isn’t a good characteristic of a person. I would underline it, but I would say “nobody is perfect” and it´s ok, if you sometimes lie a little bit. But I think it itsn´t a good measure to accomplish your own will, because mostly the parents will found out, that you didn´t say the truth and then the relationship can be damaged and your parents don´t trust you anylonger. The consequences can be that you weren´t allowed to go out in the evening to meet friend, watching TV or going to the cinema. As you can see lying can have a lot of negative consequences. And you also want, that your parents are honest with you. You only can expect something from somebody that you live yourself. Firstly Jess is lying to her parents because she doesn´t want to hurt and disappoint them badly. If she would say them, that she plays football in a team, they probably wouldn’t let her go out anymore. That is a consequence which Jess in no way wants and so she is quiet.
She doesn´t respect her culture by going secretly away for playing, at least with her own eyes. In her opinion she hasn´t asked for being a good player, she is just one. I think you can see it with different points of view, but in my opinion it is ok, because every culture should accept this, what makes the person happy. And it´s no disgrace if a girl tries to play football professional. Sometimes you can´t keep in mind every rule, that exists. She must do this, because it´s her purpose in life and it doesn´t care what other people think about it. It´s a difficult way for her and she should try it with knowing about the bad experiences her father made. That doesn´t due to on the nationality but rather on the people themselves, who have prejudices against ethnic minorities.

D4redevil · Anmeldungsdatum: 14.05.2006 Beiträge: 47

Ist das nicht über Kick it like Beckham?
Insamt ist der Text auf jeden Fall schon gar nicht übel Augenzwinkern

Hier noch ein paar Vorschläge, für den kompletten Text hab ich leider nicht genug Zeit, vielleicht kann den anderen Teil jemand anders machen.

In common I would say, Jess is a honest person, expect with regard to playing football.

Was möchtest du mit dem Satz genau ausdrücken? Wenn du damit sagen willst, dass sie plant Fußball zu spielen, würde ich das so schreiben.

Generally, I am of the opinion that Jess is a honest person, who expects to play football.

Sometimes she is angry about her mother, when she thinks to know what’s best for Jess.

Sometimes, she is angry with her mother, because Mrs. Bhamra believes that she knows best what is good for her daughter and what is not.

One thing, she doens´t want except is that firstly the boys needn’t help at home and can play football as long as they like and secondly that there exists the forced marriage for the Indian girls

meintest du vielleicht one thing she does not want to accept ?

Wenn ja, würde ich das so schreiben:
One thing which she does not want to accept is that firstly, boys do not have to help at home and can play football as long as they like to and that secondly, forced marriages only apply to girls.

She challenges the equality between the boys and girls and indirect between the different cultures

Was willst du damit ausdrücken?

Jess is a little bit reserved and doesn´t want to take centre stage all the time

Jess is somewhat...

She knows, that she actually should change their clothes and get to know boys, so that she needn´t marry a boy she doesn´t like

She is aware that she should actually change her clothes and get to know boys so she does not have to marry a boy she does not like.

So ich hoffe das hat dir erstmal ein wenig geholfen, auch wenn ich den Text nur bis zu dem Satz "She knows, that she actually should change their clothes and get to know boys, so that she needn´t marry a boy she doesn´t like" durchgeschaut hab

smile