Bitte bitte ganz DRINGEND Probelesen!

Maximus1992 · Anmeldungsdatum: 23.07.2013 Beiträge: 1

Meine Frage:
Hi, ich bräuchte ganz dringend eure Hilfe. Habe hier einen "Letter of Motivation" für meine Studienbewerbung und bräuchte ein paar Probeleser da der Text auf Englisch ist. Bitte helft mir und spart nicht mit Kritik =)

Dear Sir or Madam,

I hereby apply for the Bachelor program International Hospitality Management at the International University of Applied Sciences in Bad Honnef, which is starting September 2013.

At first I would like to introduce myself to you. My name is Maximilian Wagner and I am 21 years old. I finished my general qualification for university entrance in 2011 at the Helene-Lange-Gymnasium in Fürth.

Due to my personality, I would shortly describe myself as a very friendly, open-minded man who is always interested in learning new things. The main points of interest in my life are learning new languages and therefore get known to as many different cultures and countries as possible. I think that the Bachelor program International Hospitality Management is the right thing for me, because of my disposition to working with people and organizing processes referring to economic viability. In addition to that, I am interested in working in an international surrounding for which I will be perfectly prepared in an international bachelor program. I love working in a team with people of different nations and at my current employment, at Fossil Europe GmbH, I recognized how important it is to work as one unite in a team.
In my leisure time I love to spend time with my friends, planning small trips, relaxing or doing sports. I am training at the local fitness center and playing volleyball. Furthermore I am trying to spend nearly every holiday in a foreign country to practice my languages. Currently I am able to talk in English, German, Spanish and French.

The reasons why I have chosen especially this Bachelor program are the international focus, the fact that the language of instruction is English, the possibility to study one year abroad as well as one semester of internship and the general interest in the whole hospitality industry. I think there is no other chance to get such a good education which fits my future plans as good as your bachelor program does. It simply combines the things I like the most and I am sure that I will have fun studying at your campus.

This leads me to my next topic. I want to study at the International University of Applied Sciences in Bad Honnef, because of so many aspects. I am very excited in studying with an international environment and the English language as language of instruction. The possibility to study abroad and to complete an internship at one of your renowned international partners is of high importance to me. In addition to that, the award as one of the Leading Hotel Schools of the World speaks for itself. The small student number per class is also a point of interest for me, because it creates some kind of familiar atmosphere and is way more effective than sitting in a crowded classroom. Last but not least, is the chance to do so many extra-curricular activities at your campus, such as learning new languages and doing different sports. In my opinion it is of high importance to offer many things apart from studying.

To sum it all up, I think the University of Applied Sciences in Bad Honnef would perfectly fit my expectations and wishes of studying. I am looking forward to my entrance exam on the 8th of August and hope that you will give me the chance to study at your campus.

Yours sincerely,

Meine Ideen:
Am besten wäre es natürlich wenn jemand mit Muttersprache Englisch oder langjährigem Auslandsaufenthalt mir hier helfen könnte.

alterHundalt · Gast

Hallo Maximus1992,

bestimmt ist Dein Englisch besser als meines,

trotzdem aufgefallen ist mir

vermutlich meintest Du

"...to work as one UNIT in a team"
und
vielleicht bist Du sogar "fluent" statt nur "able .."
in Englisch, Deutsch, Spanisch, Französisch.

"...studying withIN an international environment"
sollte es wohl lauten.