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panasync17mm



Anmeldungsdatum: 11.05.2009
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BeitragVerfasst am: 11. Mai 2009 16:57    Titel: Bitte korrigieren Antworten mit Zitat

Kann mir jemand diesen Text korrigiern. Danke. Es ist dringend!
Hier ist der Text:

Christopher Columbus and the discovery of America

Columbus was born in Italy in 1451. First he went to the Italy’s king to spent money in his expedition but he said no and so he went to the Spanish King. The Spanish king and his queen were interested in finding a sea-route to India and so they would like to spent a lot of money. But Columbus didn’t find India, he discovered America.

Columbus was born in Genoa. His father was a weaver and many people think that Columbus has been a weaver when he was young, too. We don’t know when Columbus started being a sailor. It is possible; that Columbus sailed already he was young, because Genoa had a big seaport. In 1476 he sailed together with some other ship to England. But they didn’t arrive England. His ship sank but he could save himself and so he arrived Lisbon. Since this moment he lived there. His brother lived and worked there, too. In 1479 he married the daughter by the governor of the island Porto Santo. The single child in this marriage was Diego Columbus.

In 1486 he met Queen Isabella. At this time he had lost his wife. He met Beatriz Enriquez and later he married her. Then was his second son Ferdinand born. The king didn’t want to help him. But he didn’t give up and so he was successful. In April in 1492 told the queen and the king him, that they would finance the expedition.

The expedition existed of three ships. They started at the 3. August 1492 in Spain in a group of 90 men. In the evening of the 12.October they could see land. And at the next day in the early morning they disembarked at an island. Later they called it San Salvador. A few weeks later they disembarked at Cuba and Haiti. Columbus thought, that this Islands were next to Asia. In December one ship was broken. The two other ships started the return-journey at January in the year 1493. They arrived home in March. The king was happy and Columbus get the privileges with they had promise him.

In the last months of his life he was ill. He was really rich. He died in the year 1506 in Spain. He was a great man.
Goldenhind
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Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006
Beiträge: 399

BeitragVerfasst am: 11. Mai 2009 19:02    Titel: Re: Bitte korrigieren Antworten mit Zitat

panasync17mm hat Folgendes geschrieben:
Christopher Columbus and the discovery of America

Columbus was born in Italy in 1451. First he went to the king of Italy to ask him to spend money on his expedition but the king said no and so Columbus (wenn du ständig "he schreibst, weiß man irgendwann nciht mehr, wen du meinst) went to the Spanish King. The Spanish king and his queen were interested in finding a sea-route to India and so they were willing to spend a lot of money. But Columbus didn’t find India, he discovered America.

Columbus was born in Genoa. His father was a weaver and many people think that Columbus had been (past perfecta weaver when he was young, too. We don’t know when Columbus started being a sailor. It is possible; that Columbus sailed already when he was young, because Genoa had a big seaport. In 1476 he sailed together with some other ship to England. But they didn’t arrive in England. His ship sank but he could save himself and so he arrived in Lisbon. Since this moment he lived there. His brother lived and worked there, too. In 1479 he married the daughter of the governor of the island Porto Santo. The single child in this marriage was Diego Columbus.

In 1486 he met Queen Isabella. At this time he had lost his wife. He met Beatriz Enriquez and later he married her. Then his second son Ferdinand was born. The king didn’t want to help him. But he didn’t give up and so he was successful. In April of 1492 the queen and the king toldhim, that they would finance the expedition.

The expedition consisted of three ships. They started on the 3rd of August 1492 in Spain in a group of 90 men. In the evening of October, the 12th they could see land. And at the next day in the early morning they disembarked at an island. Later they called it San Salvador. A few weeks later they disembarked at Cuba and Haiti. Columbus thought, that those Islands were next to Asia. In December one ship was broken. The two other ships started the journey back in January in the year 1493. They arrived home in March. The king was happy and Columbus got the privileges which they/he had promised him.

In the last months of his life he was ill. He was really rich. He died in the year 1506 in Spain. He was a great man.

Ich habe jetzt nur die schwerwiegenden grammatikalischen Fehler berichtigt. Stilistisch ist der Text m.E. ebenfalls nicht sehr gelungen, zumal er eigentlich nur eine Aneinanderreihung von Hauptsätzen ohne verbindende Konjunktionen ist. Je nachdem, in welche Klasse du gehst, kann das aber noch in ordnung sein.

MfG Goldenhind
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