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Englisch-Fee ;)
Anmeldungsdatum: 08.06.2006
Beiträge: 40
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 Verfasst am: 02. Apr 2007 12:52 Titel: Korrektur: Business Letter |
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Hallo Zusammen,
ich muss einen business letter verfassen und zwar handelt es sich um eine "reply to enquiry" ;-)
Ich, als Sales Manager einer Spielzeugproduktionsfirma (Jack&Jill Toys) erhalte einen letter of enquiry, in dem verschiedene Modelle geordert werden. Allerdings kann Jack&Jill die geforderten terms of business nicht erfüllen. Diese Tatsache soll also nett verpackt werden (was mir wohl eher nicht so gelungen ist), damit der Kunde die space creatures, farmyard animals etc. trotzdem noch kaufen will.
Wär super, wenn ihr den Brief mal nach Fehlern durchschauen würdet. :-) Bin auch für sonstige Änderungen offen.
Vielen lieben Dank schonmal!
Dear Mr. Smeets,
we were pleased to receive your enquiry of 10th June concerning our toy product range.
Jack&Jill Toys appreciates your interest in the various products, but unfortunately I am forced to inform you about the fact that we can not be responsive to your terms of business.
I had long deliberations with the management, but it was difficult to reconcile with your declared rules. So our company had to made some changes and restrictions regarading the following points in your terms of business.
We would be very delighted if you were willing to accept the alterations we created.
Our company can only deliver a limited number of products from the stock. The delivery of the products mentioned in the enclosure (5000 space creatures, 7000 farmyard animals, 2000 cars and lorries) can only be guaranteed within two weeks and company policy allows no return of products in case of late delivery. Furthermore we have to admit that the selling prices mentioned in the advertisement are not FOB Rotterdam and any interim cost increase are charged to customers. In addition to that our company policy stipulates a stricter term of payment than suggested in the letter of enquiry.
I am, as you can imagine, dissatisfied with this items too, but we hope that this rules out of the contract will not discourage you from cooperating with us. I can assure you that your order will be executed to your full satisfaction.
As we expanded our range recently, I am enclosing a new catalogue, which I hope you will find of interest.
We are looking forward to hearing from you and should you require any additional information or questions, do not hesitate to contact us again.
Yours sincerely
Mr. Small
Sales Manager
Jack&Jill Toys
Enclosure: 1
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Verantwortlich ist man nicht nur für das, was man tut, sondern auch für das, was man nicht tut. |
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Goldenhind
Ehrenmoderator
Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006
Beiträge: 399
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| Verfasst am: 02. Apr 2007 13:15 Titel: Re: Korrektur: Business Letter |
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Englisch-Fee  hat Folgendes geschrieben: |
Dear Mr. Smeets,
we were pleased to receive your enquiry of 10th June concerning our toy product range.
Jack&Jill Toys appreciates your interest in the various products, but unfortunately I ich finde es etwas unglücklich, dass du so mittendrin vom we zum I wechselst. Da solltest du konsequent bleiben, entweder das Schreiben ist im namen der Firma verfasst, oder möchte ein persönliches Kundengespräch sein, dass auf das Vertrauen des Kundne zu diesem speziellen Mitarbeiter setzt... am forced to inform you about the fact that we can not be responsive to your terms of business.
I had da würde ich present perfect benutzen long deliberations with the management, but it was difficult to reconcile with your declared rules. So our company had to make some changes and restrictions regarading the following points in your terms of business.
We would be very delighted if you were willing to accept the alterations we created Ich finde "create" hier nicht so passend.
Our company can only deliver a limited number of products from the stock. The delivery of the products mentioned in the enclosure (5000 space creatures, 7000 farmyard animals, 2000 cars and lorries) can only be guaranteed within two weeks and company policy allows no return of products in case of late delivery. Furthermore, we have to admit that the selling prices mentioned in the advertisement are not FOB Rotterdam and any interim cost increase is (oder warum Plural?) charged to the customers. In addition to that our company policy stipulates a stricter term of payment than suggested in the letter of enquiry.
I am, as you can imagine, dissatisfied with these items too, but we hope that these rules out of the contract will not discourage you from cooperating with us. I can assure you that your order will be executed to your full satisfaction.
As we expanded our range recently, I am enclosing a new catalogue, which I hope you will find of interest.
We are looking forward to hearing from you and should you require any additional information or have any questions, do not hesitate to contact us again.
Yours sincerely
Mr. Small ich würde sagen in so einem Breif nennt man auch seinen Vornamen
Sales Manager
Jack&Jill Toys
Enclosure: 1 |
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Ulli
Ehrenmoderator
Anmeldungsdatum: 03.07.2004
Beiträge: 1389
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Englisch-Fee ;)
Anmeldungsdatum: 08.06.2006
Beiträge: 40
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| Verfasst am: 02. Apr 2007 15:42 Titel: |
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Vielen Dank für die Korrektur.
Auch wenn die Produkte nach dem Brief wohl keinen Absatz mehr finden. ;-)
Wäre es auch möglich, hier einen 10-seitigen Bericht Korrektur lesen zu lassen?
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Verantwortlich ist man nicht nur für das, was man tut, sondern auch für das, was man nicht tut. |
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