Text korrigieren Summary

oachi · Anmeldungsdatum: 17.06.2011 Beiträge: 1

Meine Frage:
Könnte sich bitte jemand diesen Zusammenfassung einer Kurzgeschichte durchlesen und mir Fehler korrigieren!

The Man with the Cigar
Summary:
Paul sat in the waiting room and was feeling more and more impatient.
He was waiting for Dr Jones, who operates his mother. While he was waiting a young boy come over and began to speak to him. The young boy was the son of Matt Holmes, he was the most famous athlete in Central High. In the next moment a Doctor enters the room and tells Mr Holmes that his wife was doing fine.
Now Paul and a Man with a Cigar were alone in the waiting room. Then Dr Jones enters the room and told Paul that his mother was doing fine but she will be unable to work for a long time. After Paul left the hospital he recognized that the man with the Cigar follows him.
Paul walk to the next lunchroom, suddenly the Man with the Cigar seat on the stool beside him. The Man told Paul about a possibility to earn a lot of money by manipulating the footballgame this afternoon. Paul gets very angry and left the lunchroom.
Then Paul prepares himself for the footballgame. As the game began Paul made several errors. At the end of the fhird quarter the score was 14-13. So the fourth quarter would tell.
With only seconds left in the game, neither side has scored. Paul`s team had the ball. Their only hope was to try a long pass, but Paul missed. Central lost 14-13.
He just couldn`t face his teammates yet, so he walked out of the Stadium and to the park nearby. After a long time he walked back to the locker room. Nobody where left there, as he opened his locker an envelope fell out and onto the floor and it`s content spilled out.
There lay ten one-hundret dollar bills!
Paul suddenly understood that the man with the Cigar had tought that he had lost the game on purpose.
As Paul wanted to left the locker he recognize that the man with the Cigar was standing in the door.
And for a short man, he looked large to Paul. With a steady, determind walk, Paul.....

Vielen Dank

Meine Ideen:
Grammatikfehler Rechtschreibfehler und co

nachbar · Gast

oachi1 · Gast

Vielen Dank
Ich habe den Text jetzt versucht in der Present Simple zu schreiben.

Summary:
Paul sits in the waiting room and is feeling more and more impatient.
He is waiting for Dr Jones, who operates his mother. While he is waiting, a young boy come over and begin to speak with him. The young boy is the son of Matt Holmes, he is the most famous athlete in Central High. In the next moment a Doctor enters the room and tells Mr Holmes that his wife is doing fine.
Now Paul and a Man with the Cigar are alone in the waiting room. Then Dr Jones enters the room and tell Paul that his mother is doing fine but she will be unable to work for a long time. After Paul left the hospital he recognize that the man with the Cigar follows him.
Paul walk to the next lunchroom, suddenly the Man with the Cigar has a seat on the chair beside him. The Man tells Paul about a possibility to earn a lot of money by manipulating the footballgame this afternoon. Paul become very angry and left the lunchroom.
Then Paul prepares himself for the footballgame. As the game begin Paul made several errors. At the end of the fhird quarter the score is 14-13. So the fourth quarter would tell.
With only seconds left in the game, neither side has scored. Paul`s team have the ball. Their only hope is to try a long pass, but Paul miss. Central lost 14-13.
He just can`t face his teammates yet, so he walks out of the Stadium and to the park nearby. After a long time he walks back to the locker room. Nobody where left there, as he opens his locker an envelope fall out and onto the floor and it`s content spills out.
There lie ten one-hundret dollar bills!
Paul suddenly understands that the man with the Cigar has tought that he has lost the game on purpose.
As Paul want to leave the locker he recognize that the man with the Cigar is standing in the door.
And for a short man, he look large to Paul. With a steady, determind walk, Paul.....

fozzie · Anmeldungsdatum: 12.03.2014 Beiträge: 4 Wohnort: Scotland

it should be " who was operating on his mother", or "who was carrying out an operation on". Haven't had time to read the rest.