Korrekturlesen eines Kurzvortrages

Tom · Gast

Hallo Leute,
ich muss morgen einen Kurzvortrag zum Thema 11. September halten. Könnte bitte jemand meinen "Stichpunktzettel" korrekturlesen, da ich echt nciht sicher bin, ob das alles so richtig ist, vor allem die Grammatik (zur Info habe kein Testübersetzungsprogramm, etc. genommen, außer Einzelwortübersetzung)?!
Ihr würdet mir echt helfen.

Hier der "Stichwortzettel":

In the next 6 minutes I will tell you something about the 11th September of 2001.
This day was a horrible day for all American people, especially for the people in New York and also for the rest of the world.

Structure

1. short time course of the events of September 11th September
2. Damages and Deaths
3. Who attacks the USA?
4. Responses and aftereffects
5. Conclusion

1. short timeline for the 11th September attacks

Time sequence of events

Early on the morning of 11th September 2001, nineteen terrorists took control of four commercial Aircrafts.
At 8:46 a.m., American Airlines Flight 11 was crashed into the World Trade Center's North Tower, followed by United Airlines Flight 175 which hit the South Tower at 9:03 a.m.
Another group of terrorists flew American Airlines Flight 77 into the Pentagon at 9:37 a.m.
At 09:59 fell the south tower and at 10:28 collapsed the north tower.
The fourth flight, United Airlines Flight 93 crashed near Shanksville, Pennsylvania at 10:03 a.m. Because the passengers on board engaged in a fight with the terrorists.

2. Damages and Deaths

The jets flown into the WTC were like fire bombs.
They triggered a sustained fire, which spread through the elevator shafts in many floors of the building.
These fires were fueled by materials in the building.
The south tower collapsed complet after 56 minutes and the north tower after 102 minutes.
2123 people, including 343 firefighters, were killed in the collapse.
Approximately 200 people were fallen to their deaths, before the collapse.
Five more of the WTC buildings were also destroyed, including the WTC 7, in addition four subway stations.
23 other buildings around the WTC were in part so badly damaged, that they had to be demolished later .
The little St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church was completely destroyed.
Here you can see how many people have died where.

Deaths (without the terrorists)

---> Tabelle, ist aber nicht zu kontrollieren und deshalb weggelassen!<----

But 17 410 persons (approximately 87 percent) were from the WTC buildings evacuated in the time before its collapse.

3. Who attacks the USA?

The 19 hijackers are known by name and belonged to the Islamic terrorist organization al-Qaida.
The leader Osama bin Laden denied planning the terrorist attack, but since 2002 he admitted it several times.
The motives for the attacks include the presence of the USA in Saudi Arabia, the support of Israel by the United States, and the sanctions against Iraq.

4. Responses and aftereffects

After the attack, the United States blamed al-Qaeda.
President George Bush said he would start a "War on Terror".
The leader of al-Qaeda, Osama bin Laden, lived in the country of Afghanistan.
The United States told the government of Afghanistan, called the Taliban, to turn bin Laden over to them.
The Taliban would not do this.
The leader of the Taliban, Mullah Muhammad Omar, demanded to see proof first from the United States government.
But President George Bush said, that he did not need to provide proof.
The United States then went to war against Afghanistan.

5. Conclusion

This horrible day will never be forgotten. In part, has been and is the war in the Middle East justified with the „War on Terror“, which began on 11th September and is still raging.

Vielen vielen DAnk schonmal im Voraus!

MfG Tom

MI · Administrator Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005 Beiträge: 1140 Wohnort: München

Vermutlich ist es jetzt dann zu spät? Gerade in den Schulferien ist hier nicht so viel los, da kann es leider schon einmal etwas dauern, bis du eine Antwort erhälst.

Daher nur ein paar Kommentare, die mir beim Überfliegen aufgefallen sind:
"to collapse complet" - da fehlt die Endung: "collapse completely" (da Adverb).
Die Vergangenheitsform von "fly" ist "flew", "flown" ist das Partizip.
"Who attacks the USA"- ich hätte Vergangenheit gewählt.
"aftereffects" sagt man eigentlich nicht. "Aftermath" oder "Consequences" wären wohl angebrachter.
Der letzte Abschnitt ist leider unverständlich. Da fehlt im zweiten Satz irgendwie die Satzstruktur.

Hans · Gast

O.k. trotzdem vielen Dank für deine Antwort! Ich habe leider schon seit zwei Wochen wieder Schule!^^xD
Ich habe meinen Vortrag heute schon gehalten und recht gut, hoffe ich mal, dass ich auch eine entsprechende Note bekomme!

MI · Administrator Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005 Beiträge: 1140 Wohnort: München

Ja, das stimmt, in einigen Bundesländern geht's wohl wieder los, aber die ersten Wochen sind dann auch immer noch ruhig...
Auf der anderen Seite ist das gemein, weil meine Ferien noch nicht einmal angefangen haben...

Viel Glück bei der Note und Tipp für die Zukunft: Zwei drei Tage vorher anfragen und es klappt meistens noch mit einem kurzen Drüberschauen Augenzwinkern

.

Gruß
MI