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Tini
Anmeldungsdatum: 27.04.2009
Beiträge: 2
Wohnort: Wunstorf
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 Verfasst am: 27. Apr 2009 16:27 Titel: Textüberprüfung..brauche bitte Hilfe dabei! |
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Hey,
ich bin neu hier und brauche dringend Hilfe.
Ich wollte morgen mal meine Hausaufgabe vorlesen, da meine mündliche Note nicht so toll ist und ich wahrscheinlich einen Unterkurs bekomme =(
Mein Englisch ist nur katastrophal...vor allen wegen den ganzen verschiedenen Zeiten.( mein großes Problem)
Ich hoffe ihr könnt mir helfen ...Verbesserungen sagen usw.
Wir sollten eine Geschichte aus der Sicht einer anderen Person schreiben.
Diese Person wird zum Schluss umgebracht.
I was in Jefferson, because me and my construction company had to pave the sidewalks.
After a few day i met a woman, named Emily Gierson. She was a little bit crazy, but also nice. I liked her.
At the weekend we often drove with my yellow-wheeled buggy on the street. We had so much fun.
One fine day she bought a toilet set in silver and a complete outfit for me. I wasn't sure, but i though she likes me very much and maybe wants to marry me. I didn't know, how to think about this. I supposed, that i'm not ready to have a so constant relationship to Emily...for example with own children or a wedding.
Sometime later Emily notized, that something wasn't okay und the situation changed. She became weird and we didn't have a topic to talk about. We didn't like us anymore and droft (Vergangenheit von drift?) apart.
One evening it was a little bit creepy and curious again. Emily cooked a meal und had all the time a very strange mien. A face without any expressions and feelings.
At the dinner we barely talk. Although it was delicate, but anytime my stomach began to hurt. I ran into the bathroom, had to puke and then i got no air. I blacked out.
Danke schonmal=) |
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Gargy
Anmeldungsdatum: 25.05.2008
Beiträge: 62
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| Verfasst am: 27. Apr 2009 21:16 Titel: Re: Textüberprüfung..brauche bitte Hilfe dabei! |
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| Tini hat Folgendes geschrieben: |
I was in Jefferson, because me and my construction company had to pave the sidewalks.
After a few days I met a woman, named Emily Gierson. She was a little bit crazy, but also nice. I liked her.
At the weekend we often drove with my yellow-wheeled buggy on the street. We had so much fun.
One fine day she bought a toilet set in silver and a complete outfit for me. I wasn't sure, but I though she likes me very much and maybe wants to marry me. I didn't know, how to think about this. I supposed, that i'm not ready to have a so constant relationship to Emily...for example with own children or a wedding.
Some time later Emily notized, that something wasn't okay und the situation changed. She became weird and we didn't have a topic to talk about. We didn't like us anymore and droft (Vergangenheit von drift?) ich hab's nachgeschlagen, ist wirklich: drifted apart.
One evening it was a little bit creepy and curious again. Emily cooked a meal und had all the time a very strange mien. A face without any expressions and feelings.
At the dinner we barely talked. Although it was delicate, but anytime das finde ich merkwürdig, ich fände besser: then oder suddenly oder after a while my stomach began to hurt. I ran into the bathroom, had to puke and then i got no air finde ich auch merkwürdig, aber mir fällt nix besseres ein. I blacked out. |
So schlimm finde ich es gar nicht  |
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Jack
Ehrenmoderator
Anmeldungsdatum: 09.04.2006
Beiträge: 549
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| Verfasst am: 27. Apr 2009 22:08 Titel: Re: Textüberprüfung..brauche bitte Hilfe dabei! |
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Hier meine, ziemlich gründliche Version:
| Tini hat Folgendes geschrieben: | I was in Jefferson because me and my construction company had to pave the sidewalks.
After a few days I met a woman named Emily Gierson. She was a little bit crazy but also nice. I liked her.
At the weekend we often drove through the streets in my yellow-wheeled buggy. We had so much fun.
One fine day she bought a toilet set in silver and a complete outfit for me. I wasn't sure, but I thought she liked (muss in der Vergangenheit stehen, weil der Satz mit "thought" eingeleitet wird) me very much and maybe wanted to marry me. I didn't know what to think about this. I supposed that I was not ready to have such a constant relationship with Emily, for example with own children or a wedding.
Sometime later Emily noticed that something wasn't right and the situation changed. She started acting weirdly and we didn't have a topic to talk about. We didn't like each other anymore and drifted apart.
One evening, it was a little bit creepy and curious again. Emily cooked a meal und had a very strange mien all the time. A face without any expressions or feelings.
During dinner, we barely talked. Although it was delicious (mit "delicate" musst du aufpassen, das ist ein falscher Freund, da es nicht "delikat" im Sinne von "lecker" heißt), my stomach suddenly began to hurt (wenn der Satz mit "although" beginnt, ist das "but" überflüssig, weil der Gegensatz ja schon deutlich wird). I ran into the bathroom, had to puke and then I could not breathe. I blacked out. |
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Tini
Anmeldungsdatum: 27.04.2009
Beiträge: 2
Wohnort: Wunstorf
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| Verfasst am: 28. Apr 2009 16:09 Titel: Danke |
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Danke schön =) habs heute vorgelesen und meine Englischlehrerin hat nix negatives gesagt =)
Schönen Tag noch  |
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