kurzer Dialog...Bitte um heutige Hilfe =/

Prinschipezza · Anmeldungsdatum: 12.03.2008 Beiträge: 1

Ich bin eine wirkliche Niete in dieser Sprache... Hilfe

Ich hoffe, dass mir hier jemand etwas helfen kann. Es wäre ganz supi nett, wenn ihr den Text kontrollieren würdet...Vielleicht auch noch mit ein paar Tips was ich besser machen könnte...Wäre auch gaaanz toll, wenn das so schnell wie möglich ginge... smile

Vielen dank schonmal im voraus...

Liebe Grüße, Jule =)

M: Hey sweetheart! How was the school? Is everything okay with you? Lately you are so strange.
R: Strange?
M: Well… you are in a good temper all the time and you do a lot for the school. Furthermore you are dress in a very good way…so straight…and you comb your hair. You are in love? Come on, tell me something about the girl…Did I know her?
F: In love? Me? No, what do you think about me? Currently the school is amazing. It properly does so much fun to go and to learn something … Mostly the history lessons with Mr. Ross are great.
He teaches us a lot.
M: Yes?! That´s fantastic, my little boy. What are you doing at the moment?
R: Mr. Ross teaches us simply things which we need for life … Strength through discipline, strength through community, strength through action … Nobody is an outsider anymore …Everybody is accepted and recognised…Nobody is derided and goof on…
M: Slowly, slowly…He teached you something for your life? But you should learn something about history, should you? And why is nobody more an outsider? Thus why do you feel fine? I do not know you anymore… You are exchanged… Happily … Open-minded …
R: Yes of course, we learn historical things … During the last hours we have watched a film about the second world war … But there I did not find so interesting … But all the same … nevertheless… Ask me something!
M: A question? Okay…hmm…When was the First World War?
R: Miss Billing, 1618 till 1648. We must place ourselves and as appeal to Mr. Ross always as I have just done it … Everybody is disciplined and takes part in.
M: Oh my God... I find it fantastically. Nevertheless, also everybody is cooperating certainly and exert to do something right. Nobody laugh at someone. Great. So I find it nice if you feel fine in this community.
R: Yes and you know what are the best?
M: What my sweety? Do you get good marks?
R: Yes that´s too, but, above all, I am accepted now by my schoolbuddies and also I am admired. Mr. Ross has even promised me because I have shown the other who one properly stands to attention and has to answer.
M: On the one hand pleases me of course incredibly for you … However, are there generally still individuals among you? Then, nevertheless, everything strive only for these mottoes … How was this called, nevertheless, immediately? Oh yes, strength through discipline, strength through community, strength through action. Is it
really the sense that one lives only afterwards and cannot freely develop any more because one stands exactly then again as an outsider there?
R: Hmm ... I would not think about that, because I am so happy now.
M: And what do you have there? A wave? Oh, I see yours is called certainly … hmm … How can I call this? Movement?
R: Yes that is our membership card … This symbolises that we are a community. But, nevertheless, you know Laurie, or?
M: Yes of course I know her … Recently I have talked only to her mother. Laurie seems not exactly enthusiastically to be from your fashion, or?!
R: Yes, she is against it… She thinks that pupil like me were manipulated. It is almost the only one who has a problem that we are the same now. She wants to do something against it.
M: Yes, but, nevertheless, this cannot be at all... She does not notice then everyone of you is better in school now? I think she has a problem with the wave because she does not stand in the flare any more. Laurie's mother also thought that she itself feels unwell with the whole thing …
R: Hmmm maybe ... on everybody fall it will be able to do against it nothing... These are meanwhile too many those of the wave belong … And everybody think that the wave are fantastic.
M: then you must not worry about it... I find this on everybody fall well that there, finally, a teacher is to you queuing and manners teaches. He makes no differences between the pupils and immediately everything treated and valued. It seems that Mr Ross not give a damn about you, like some other teachers whether you master your end well or not. Gosh, immediately I must tell to my friend Kerstin what are new at your school…Her little boy will be start the school next year.
R: Hehe…Women.
M: I see sweety, if you need some help tell it to me and I will support you.
R: Yes mum…I know… Thanks…Now I will go in my room and do my homework.
M: Sweet! Do you come to the supper at 19 o´clock, yeah?!
R: Miss Billing, yes!

MI · Administrator Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005 Beiträge: 1140 Wohnort: München

Der Text ist äußerst lang - und bei den "Zeitbeschränkungen" darfst du dich dann nicht wundern, wenn in unserem leider noch recht kleinen Forum keine Antwort kommt.
Wahrscheinlich ist meine auch für die Katz, aber ich probier's noch einmal Augenzwinkern

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panik · Anmeldungsdatum: 19.03.2008 Beiträge: 5

Hallo, Jule,
also ein kurzer Dialog ist das ja nicht Augenzwinkern

M: Hey sweetheart! How was school? Is everything okay with you? You are acting strange lately.
R: Strange?
M: Well… you are in a good temper all the time and you do a lot for school. Furthermore you are dressed in a very good way…so straight (? was willst du damit denn sagen?) …and you comb your hair. Are you in love? Come on, tell me about the girl…Do I know her?
F: In love? Me? No, what do you think of me? Currently school is amazing. It is so much fun to go and to learn something … Mr. Ross' history class is the best
He teaches us a lot.
M: Yes?! That´s fantastic, my little boy. What are you doing at the moment?
R: Mr. Ross teaches us simple things we need for life … Strength through discipline, strength through community, strength through action … Nobody is an outsider anymore …Everybody is accepted and recognised…Nobody is laughed at.
M: Hold on…He taught you something for your life? But you should learn something about history, shouldn't you? And why is nobody an outsider anymore? Why do you feel fine? I do not know you anymore… You have changed… Happy… Open-minded …
R: Yes of course, we learn historical things … In the last lessons we have watched a film about the second world war … But I didn't find that interesting… But all the same … nevertheless… Ask me something!
M: A question? Okay…hmm…When was the First World War?
R: Miss Billing, 1618 till 1648. We have to sit down (???) … Everybody is disciplined and takes part in class.
M: Oh my God... I think that's fantastic. ("Nichtsdestotrotz" passt hier nicht) everybody is certainly cooperating and trying to behave properly (Meintest du das so?) Nobody laughs at anyone else. Great. I think it's nice that you feel fine in this community.
R: Yes and you know what's the best part?
M: What my sweety? Do you get good marks?
R: Yes that too, but, above all, I am accepted now by my school buddies and also I am admired. Mr. Ross has even thanked (?)me because I showed the others how to answer questions properly
M: On the one hand this pleases me and of course it's incredible for you … However, are there still individuals among you at all? Everyone seems to live only for those mottos … How were they called again? Oh yes, strength through discipline, strength through community, strength through action. Does it really make sense that everyone follows those mottos and cannot develop freely any more because they would be an outsider otherwise?
R: Hmm ... I don't want to think about that, because I am so happy now.
M: And what do you have there? A wave? Oh, I see yours is called certainly (was soll das denn heißen?) … hmm … How can I call this? Movement?
R: Yes that is our membership card … This symbolises that we are a community. But, nevertheless, you know Laurie, don't you?
M: Yes of course I know her … Recently I have talked only to her mother. Laurie seems not exactly enthusiastic to be from your fashion, does she?! (was soll das heißen?
R: Yes, she is against it… She thinks that pupils like me were manipulated. She is almost the only one who has a problem with the fact that we are all the same now. She wants to do something against it. [/quote]

Also tut mir leid, der Text ist wirklich sehr lang. Außerdem habe ich bei manchen Sätzen den Verdacht, dass du die bei babelfish eingegeben und übersetzen hast lassen... Mach das am besten nicht noch mal, das stimmt nie!
Mir ist aufgefallen, dass du sehr oft versucht hast, solche "fancy words" wie nevertheless, thus, currently, etc zu benutzen. Das ist zwar sehr löblich, aber in einem Dialog wohl eher fehl am Platz, noch dazu, weil man oft das Gefühl hat, dass du gar nicht weiß, was sie bedeuten.
Mein Tipp: Versuch lieber, das was du sagen möchtest in kurzen, einfachen Sätzen auszudrücken. Dann machst du automatisch weniger Fehler!