Ich bitte euch meine text zu korrigieren

blacki · Anmeldungsdatum: 12.06.2010 Beiträge: 1

Meine Frage:
Hi, I'm Max. I'm a 19 years old man and everything is well but Six years ago, when I was thirteen years old, something curious happened to me and my sister, and I want to tell my spooky story to somebody.
Me and my sister clair went to kenapses, like every year, where my nice grandma lives. Grandpa has died one year ago, and so my granny felt very alone, and so I and my sister wanted to accompany her. She lived in a big house which stood in a forest near the town and sometimes it was very spooky there. After we arrived there me and my sister had an argue on who should occupy which room. After we have made a compromise we searched after grandma but we couldn?t find her anywhere and after a long time we decided to enter the house with the latchkey , which laid under a stone near the door. After we eat a fantastic evening meal we discuss about residence from our grandma=
I = Where she could be merely? I don?t understand why she leave us alone. Maybe something terrible happened to her?
Clair= I think you are right . I don?t can wait any longer I must search after her!.
I= Yes I think that too but we must be very charily because its already very dark outside,

We searched after some pocket lamps and started the search after grandma. After one hour without finding her we decided to walk back and call mom and dad because maybe they know where she could be but suddenly we heard a loud cry and we stand still and we listen carefully to the dark evening. We didn?t hear anything and so we walk slow back home.
We forgot to call mom and dad perhaps because we have a little bit fear.
At the next morning we waked up because we smelled delicious aromas, which came from the kitchen . We stood up and we couldn?t believe our eyes when we saw that grandma stood in front of the cooker and make pancakes. We were very happy that she was back but something on her wasn?t normal. Her clothes were dirty and on her hand was some blood.
Her eyes were strange to and when I looked in the newspaper I saw a article:
Last night the police find a dead woman in the forest near kenapses.

Meine Ideen:
Kan mir da einer sagen was ich falsch gemacht habe ich weis das mein english grotten schlecht ist =)

Marissa · Gast

Ich glaube zwar, dass es schon zu spät ist, aber egal. Hatte gerade Langeweile, also hier der korrigierte Text. An einigen Stellen etwas verwirrend/unlogisch und man hätte vieles schöner schreiben können, aber trotzdem alles in allem ganz okay.

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Hi, I'm Max. I'm 19 years old and everything is well, but six years ago, when I was thirteen, something curious happened to me and my sister, and I want to tell my spooky story to somebody.
Me and my sister clair went to kenapses, like every year, where my nice grandma lives. Grandpa died one year ago, so my granny felt very alone, and so me and my sister wanted to accompany her. She lived in a big house which stood in a forest near the town and sometimes it was very spooky there. After we arrived there, me and my sister had an argue about who should occupy which room. After we made a compromise, we searched for grandma, but we couldn't find her anywhere and after a long time we decided to enter the house with the latchkey, which lay under a stone near the door. After we ate a fantastic meal, we discussed about the whereabouts of our grandma.
I = Where could she be merely? I don't understand why she leaves us alone. Maybe something terrible has happened to her?
Clair = I think, you are right. I can't wait any longer. I have to search for her!
I = Yes, I think that too, but we have to be very charily, because it's already very dark outside.
We searched for some pocket lamps and started the search for grandma. After an hour, we still hadn't found her, so that we decided to go back and call mom and dad, because they might know where she could be, but suddenly we heard a loud cry and we remained standing and listening carefully to the darkness. We didn't hear anything and so we slowly walked back home.
We forgot to call mom and dad, perhaps because we were afraid.
The next morning we woke up, because we smelled delicious aromas, which came from the kitchen. We got up and couldn't believe our eyes, when we saw our grandma standing in front of the cooker making pancakes. We were very happy that she was back, but something on her wasn't normal. Her clothes were dirty and on her hand was some blood.
Her eyes were also strange and when I looked into the newspaper I saw an article:
Last night the police found a dead woman in the forest near kenapses.