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koala
Anmeldungsdatum: 09.09.2007
Beiträge: 5
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 Verfasst am: 09. Sep 2007 13:06 Titel: Korrekturlesen: The USA at its worst/ best! (2x 120 Wörter) |
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Hey Leute,
Könnt ihr bitte Korrektulesen?
Task:
Considering how large and varied the USA is, it is not surprising that many people have mixed feelings about the United States.
Write two paragraphs of about 120 words each, one of which begins “The USA at its best...” the other of which begins “The USA at its worst ...” and try and show your own feelings towards the USA.
The USA at its worst is visible in not removing the death penalty. It’s unhuman to kill people. The bible says “You shall not kill”. This is an important point they have to manage. Nobody has the right to decide who has to die. Furthermore the society between poor and rich is explicitly shown in America. If you walk through big Cities like New York, you can see transients who begs for money at every turn.
Additionally the crime rate is high. This problem is linked to the “gun-problem” For example in Florida, everyone is allowed to shoot someone if he or she feels threatens. Moreover its easily to get ammuniton in big supermarkets, even if you are not an adult.
The USA at its best is shown in the film and music industry. Most of them we are watching or listening to were produced in Hollywood.
Another point is the technology. Most important inventions come from USA and without them the world never grew up as it is now known for us.
Also the typical american sights are attractive for tourists. I think a lot of people would love to see the Statue of Liberty or the Golden Gate Bridge in real. Moreover the beautiful landscape in the USA are also attractive, for example the Rocky Mountains or the oldest National Park world-wide in Yellowstone where you can watch for example bears or wolves or `watervulcans’ called ‘geysir` very close. |
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koala
Anmeldungsdatum: 09.09.2007
Beiträge: 5
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| Verfasst am: 09. Sep 2007 17:58 Titel: |
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Habe den Text etwas überarbeitet.
Hier die bisherige Version:
The USA at its worst may be seen in its failure to abolish the death penalty. It’s inhumane to kill people. The bible says “You shall not kill”. This is an important point they have to manage. Nobody has the right to decide who has to die. Furthermore the society between poor and rich is explicitly shown in America. If you walk through big cities like New York, you can see transients who beg for money at every turn.
Additionally the crime rate is high. This problem is linked to the “gun-problem” For example in Florida, everyone is allowed to shoot someone if he or she feels threatened. Moreover its easily to get ammuniton in big supermarkets, even if you are not an adult.
The USA at its best is shown in the film and music industry. Most of them we watch or listen to were produced in Hollywood.
Another point is the technology. Most important inventions come from USA and without them the world would never has grown up to what it is now known for us.
Also the typical american sights are attractive for tourists. I think a lot of people would love to see the Statue of Liberty or the Golden Gate Bridge in real. Moreover the beautiful landscape in the USA are also attractive, for example the Rocky Mountains or the oldest National Park world-wide in Yellowstone where you can watch for example bears, wolves or `watervulcans’ called ‘geysir` very close. |
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Goldenhind
Ehrenmoderator
Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006
Beiträge: 399
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| Verfasst am: 09. Sep 2007 18:02 Titel: Re: Korrekturlesen: The USA at its worst/ best! (2x 120 Wört |
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| koala hat Folgendes geschrieben: | The USA at its worst is visible in not removing besser: "abolishing" the death penalty. It is (keine umgangssprachlichen Kurzformen in schriftlichen texten) unhuman laut Leo gibt es das Wort zwar, aber ich glaube, "inhumane" ist weitaus gebräuchlicher to kill people. The bible says “You shall not kill”. This is an important point they have to manage Was meinst du hier mit "manage"?. Nobody has the right to decide who has to die. Furthermore, the society between poor and rich is explicitly shown in America Bei dem Satz verstehe ich nicht ganz, was du sagen möchtest. Formuliere ihn bitte einmal auf Deutsch. If you walk through big Cities like New York, you can see transients ich glaube nicht, dass "transient" das Wort ist, das du ausdrücken möchtest, welches deutsche Wort hast du denn im Kopf? who beg for money at every turn (du meinst wohl "an jeder Ecke"? "Ecke" wäre "corner", aber ich glaube das ist eine eher deutsche Formulierung. Ich würde einfach "everywhere" sagen).
Additionally, the crime rate is high. This problem is linked to the “gun-problem” For example in Florida, everyone is allowed to shoot someone if he or she feels threatened (past participle). Moreover, it is easy (nach "to be" kein Adverb) to get ammuniton in big supermarkets, even if you are not an adult.
The USA at its best is shown in the film and music industry. Most of them Es fehlt ein Bezugswort zu "them", da wir ja nicht die Filmindustrie anschauen, sondern die Flime we are watching or listening to were produced in Hollywood.
Another point is (kein Artikel) technology. Most important inventions come from USA and without them the world never grew up as it is now known for us den zweiten Teil des Satzes finde ich etwas unklar formuliert und weiß auch nicht genau, was du sagen möchtest.
Also the typical American (Eigennamen auch als Adjektice groß) sights are attractive for tourists. I think a lot of people would love to see the Statue of Liberty or the Golden Gate Bridge in real. Moreover, the beautiful landscape in the USA are ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob man "landscape" als Plural auffassen darf also attractive, for example the Rocky Mountains or the oldest National Park world-wide in Yellowstone where you can watch for example bears or wolves or `watervolcanos’ called ‘geysirs` very closely. |
Edit: Wie ich sehe, hast du einiges schon selber korrigiert, ich habe mich noch auf deine erste Version bezogen, aber einiges wichtiges ist immer noch drin. |
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koala
Anmeldungsdatum: 09.09.2007
Beiträge: 5
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| Verfasst am: 09. Sep 2007 18:24 Titel: Re: Korrekturlesen: The USA at its worst/ best! (2x 120 Wört |
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Danke für deine Mühen! 
| Goldenhind hat Folgendes geschrieben: | | Was meinst du hier mit "manage"? |
Ich wollte sagen, dass sie das Problem in den Griff bekommen sollen.
| Goldenhind hat Folgendes geschrieben: |
Nobody has the right to decide who has to die. Furthermore, the society between poor and rich is explicitly shown in America Bei dem Satz verstehe ich nicht ganz, was du sagen möchtest. Formuliere ihn bitte einmal auf Deutsch. |
Ich wollte sagen, dass die Schichten in Amerika stark zu sehen sind (Arme und Reiche)
| Goldenhind hat Folgendes geschrieben: |
ich glaube nicht, dass "transient" das Wort ist, das du ausdrücken möchtest, welches deutsche Wort hast du denn im Kopf?
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uups.. ich meinte Obdachlose...
| Goldenhind hat Folgendes geschrieben: |
Another point is (kein Artikel) technology. Most important inventions come from USA and without them the world never grew up as it is now known for us den zweiten Teil des Satzes finde ich etwas unklar formuliert und weiß auch nicht genau, was du sagen möchtest. |
Ich wollte sagen, dass die Welt nicht zu dem gewachsen wäre wie wir es heute kennen.
Habe den Text jetzt wiedr überarbeitet:
The USA at its worst may be seen in its failure to abolish the death penalty. It is inhumane to kill people. The bible says “You shall not kill”. This is an important point they have to manage and nobody has the right to decide who has to die. Furthermore the difference in the society between poor and rich is explicitly shown in America. If you walk through big cities like New York, you can see homeless people who beg for money everywhere.
Additionally, the crime rate is high. This problem is linked to the “gun-problem” For example in Florida, everyone is allowed to shoot someone if he or she feels threatened. Moreover it is easily to get ammuniton in big supermarkets, even if you are not an adult.
The USA at its best is shown in the film and music industry. Most of movies or music we watch or listen to were produced in Hollywood.
Another point is technology. Most important inventions came from USA and without them the world would never has grown up to what it is now known for us.
Also the typical American sights are attractive for tourists. I think a lot of people would love to see the Statue of Liberty or the Golden Gate Bridge in real. Moreover the beautiful landscape in the USA are/is also attractive, for example the Rocky Mountains or the oldest National Park world-wide in Yellowstone where you can watch for example bears, wolves or `watervolcanos’ called ‘geysirs` very closely. |
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