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Maxx
Gast
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 Verfasst am: 12. Jun 2005 13:06 Titel: text |
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Hi, kann mir jemand bitte den text korrigieren. Habe mit dem freien schreiben probleme.... 
Ann comes to her mum and says: "I want to be a celebrity".
Her mum asks: " Why do you want that"?
Ann: At first those people have much money, so they own one or more expensive cars, villas or yachts. Also they eat gourmet-food and wear designer-clothes. At second they have a big fan club. People are intereseted about their persons and admired them.
If I be an celebrity, I will have these things. It would be so nice!
Mother: Being world-famous isn´t only nice. Surlely the things you list up sounds really good but that isn´t all.
The celebrities have no privacy. Were ever they go, what ever they do, the paparrazies follow and watch them. And infomation, which you don´t want to publish, are passed on the people. Believe me, it isn´t good when everybody knows so many things about your person.
Another point is the pressure: At first those people have a lot of termins, and that is very stressful. At second most of them must look great. Imagine, if you are one of them, you musn´t go out without a perfect make-up.
But now I must give you the badest aspect: Have you ever heard the word stalker? That means crazy people which make psychological terror. Many of them threaten the person, which they followed. An attentat is the badest consequence.
Now, think, whether you would be a celebrity.
Bitte helft mir!  lg MX |
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Whodunit
Gast
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| Verfasst am: 10. Sep 2005 23:23 Titel: |
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Ich geb dir mal ein paar Vorschläge, aber dein Englisch ist doch ausgezeichnet!
| Zitat: | Ann comes to her mum and says: "I want to be a celebrity".
Her mum asks: " Why do you want that"? |
Hier könnte die Mutter eher fragen "Why do you want to be that?", aber deine Version ginge auch.
| Zitat: | Ann: At first those people have much money, so they own one or more expensive cars, villas or yachts. Also they eat gourmet-food and wear designer-clothes. At second they have a big fan club. People are intereseted about their persons and admired them.
If I be an celebrity, I will have these things. It would be so nice! |
1.) nicht "at first/at second", sondern ohne "at".
2.) "gourmet-food" ohne Bindestrich, ebenso "designer-clothes"
3.) man ist "interested in their persons"
4.) "admired" ohne "d" am Ende, da es keine Vergangenheit sein soll
5.) "If I were a celebrity, I would have all of these things."
6.) Ich weiß nicht, ob man "nice" so sagen kann, ansonsten nimmst du vorsichtshalber "great", "amazing" etc.
| Zitat: | Mother: Being world-famous isn´t only nice. Surlely the things you list up sounds really good but that isn´t all.
The celebrities have no privacy. Were ever they go, what ever they do, the paparrazies follow and watch them. And infomation, which you don´t want to publish, are passed on the people. Believe me, it isn´t good when everybody knows so many things about your person.
Another point is the pressure: At first those people have a lot of termins, and that is very stressful. At second most of them must look great. Imagine, if you are one of them, you musn´t go out without a perfect make-up. |
1.) wieder das Problem mit "nice". Wart mal auf andere Antworten.
2.) "Surely" klingt für mich nicht gut hier, es klingt deutsch. Stelle einfach "for sure" ans Ende des Satzes: "All the things you listed up sound really good for sure, however that's not all."
3.) "were ever" ist falsch, du meinst "wherever" und "whatever.
4.) Ich würde nicht "passed on people" sagen. sondern eher "and information ... are spread." Und nix weiter.
5.) Wieder "first" statt "at first", Gleiches gilt für kommendes "at second"
6.) "termin" gibt's im Englischen nicht, du meinst entweder "date" oder "appointment".
7.) verwende nicht "must", lieber "have to" oder "need to" (need to gefällt mir am besten in deinem Satz)
8.) Statt "mustn't" würde ich "can't" nehmen.
9.) Vor "make-up" solltest du glaube ich kein "a" setzen.
| Zitat: | But now I must give you the badest aspect: Have you ever heard the word stalker? That means crazy people which make psychological terror. Many of them threaten the person, which they followed. An attentat is the badest consequence.
Now, think, whether you would be a celebrity. |
1.) nicht "badest"! Der Superlativ von "bad" ist "worst".
2.) Schreibe es so: "Have you ever heard of the word "stalker"?"
3.) Statt "that means" lieber "they are".
4.) nicht "which", sondern "who", weil es Lebewesen sind.
5.) Satt "make" könntest du lieber "cause" verwenden.
6.) Schreibe es so: "Many of them even threaten the person they stalked/hunted.
7.) Lieber so: "An attempt on someone's life is the worst consequence."
8. "would be" sollte "would like to be" sein.
Das sind alles nur feinheiten. Nur bei "badest" solltest du aufpassen, das gibt es nicht. Ebenso auch keine deutschen Ausdrücke wie "Attentat" oder "Termin".  |
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