Englisch Text Korrektion

Taja · Anmeldungsdatum: 12.12.2012 Beiträge: 1

Meine Frage:
Hallo, wir sollen in Englisch eine Liebesgeschichte schreiben und ich muss diese morgen abgeben, es wäre total klasse, wenn ihr ihn euch einmal durchlesen, mir kritik geben und meine Fehler berichtigen könntet.
Schonmal danke im vorraus, es wäre toll wenn es so schnell wie möglich geht smile

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LG

Meine Ideen:
I still remember the dasy as if it was yesterday when we met first. He was a rich noble English man and engages to Helen Northman. He was wonderful. I loved him since the first day I saw him. he came back from a journey in India and I was the maid of his family. However at this day I just had to stare into his stormblue eyes and the time between us seemed to stand still. He stared at me and I felt like my knees were totally soft. At that time I hoped that I never had to stop to stare at him but dued to Helens arriving she told me that I would have to do more laundry and not should stand lazy around. Therefore I only mumbeled a sorry and hurried into the kitchen. In the evening he cought me and asked whether I wanted to tell him something about me. The evening was awesome. We had such a great time. We often met at night when the moon shone bright in the dark, cloudy nights. I enjoyed it with him very much and we had much fun. He always treated me like an equal despite my origin. When I once asked him why he was doing it he asked me whether there was a difference between us. I didn't knew an answer. He often told me about his idea of equality, that's what I Liked about him: he wanted to make the world a better place but I always knes that one person couldn't change something. Then there was something between us: his family. I was their maid and considering my dark skin colour they would never accept our relationship and our feelings. a love with me was unmentionable for them. During our meetings I didn't want to think about the fact that we wouldn't habe a futur.
Our first kiss was a goodbye. It was the night before his marriage with Helen. He said that we could elope but I knew that this wasn't a solution. I wanted the best for him and I knew that he would lose everything if he would escape with me. I knew that I had to make a sacrifice. I saw the sadness in his eyes as I told him that I would travel to London and that I'd wish him the best. I kissed the lips, which were forbidden to me. Our kiss was so intensive. I enjoyed the feeling of his soft lips and tried to hold my tears back. But one tear slid across my cheek. Softly he wiped it off and closed me affectionately in his arms. I felt his Breath near my ear as he quietly whispered: 'I'll find you. We belong together!' I couldn't hold my tears back anymore.

guestdec · Gast

I still remember the days as if it was yesterday when we met for the first time. He was a rich noble English man and engaged to Helen Northman. He was wonderful. I loved him since the first day I saw him. He had come back from a journey to India and I was the maid of his family. However at that day I just had to stare into his storm-blue eyes and time seemed to stand still between us. He stared at me and I felt as if my knees were totally soft. At that time I hoped that I´d never have to stop staring at him but due to Helen´s arrival she told me that I would have to do more laundry and should not stand lazy around. Therefore I only mumbeled a sorry and hurried into the kitchen. In the evening he caught (???) me and asked whether I wanted to tell him something about me. The evening was awesome. We had such a great time. We often met at night when the moon shone bright in the dark, cloudy nights. I enjoyed being it with him very much and we had much fun. He always treated me equally despite my origin. When I once asked him why he was doing so he asked me whether there was a difference between us. I didn't know an answer. He often told me about his idea of equality, that's what I liked about him: he wanted to make the world a better place, but I always knew that one person couldn't change something. Then there was something between us: his family. I was their maid and considering my dark skin colour they would never accept our relationship and our feelings. A love affair with me was inconceivable to them. During our meetings I didn't want to think about the fact that we wouldn't have a common future.
Our first kiss was a goodbye one. It was the night before he married Helen. He said that we could elope but I knew that this wasn't a solution. I wanted the best for him and I knew that he would lose everything if he ran away with me. I knew that I had to make a sacrifice. I saw the sadness in his eyes as I told him that I would travel to London and that I'd wish him the best. I kissed his lips, which were forbidden to me. Our kiss was so strong. I enjoyed feeling his soft lips trying to hold my tears back. But one tear slid across my cheek. Softly he wiped it off and took me in his arms affectionately . I felt his breath in the near of my ear as he quietly whispered: 'I'll find you. We belong together!' I couldn't hold my tears back anymore.

(Das war´s , was mir auffiel).

Gast43 · Gast

Ohh, vielen Dank für deinen Hilfe und die Verbesserungen smile