text about the futute Bitte überarbeiten

anonymo 8888888 · Anmeldungsdatum: 05.02.2011 Beiträge: 1

Meine Frage:
In the future it will be possible to manage nearly everything by the computer.
So you don´t have to go outside to handle things, you can buy food, clothes, medicaments, everything you need. And you will also have the chance to find a partner and friends in the world wide web, communicate with them. As a consequence you can do the most work at home there is no reason to go to office because you can chat with webcam and so on.
However for some occasions you have to leave your house e.g. to visit a doctor but the doctor will mainly be replaced by a roboter.
Also many work will be replaced by machines instead of persons. For instance at banches and so on.
This has advantages and disadvantages.
On the one hand the positive aspects are that live will be easier for the people and the things happen faster.
Work is not alone relieved, it will also be more precise because machines work always equal.
On the other hand this could be a big disaster.
When people hack the system everything would crash and nothing will work.
Or people who have no technical expertise woldn´t manage everything.
At last point there will be a job cutback especially for people who are less educated because the work for less educated people will be replaced by machines.

Meine Ideen:
Also das ist mein Text und ich besuche derzeitig die 13. klasse.
Leider bin ich nicht sehr gut in Englisch und möchte mich gerne verbessern, also wäre es nett, wenn mir jemand tipps zu meinem stil geben würde. Danke ist echt total wichtig. smile