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Gast
Gast
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 Verfasst am: 02. Mai 2009 16:21 Titel: Motiationsschreiben- würdet ihr da mal drüberschaun?? |
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Hallo zusammen,
ich möchte mich an einer englischen Universität bewerben, die MAsterstudiengänge in zwei verschiedenen Ländern anbietet (Ein Semster GB, zweites z.B. Spain)
Hierfür muss ich ein Motivationsschreiben verfassen.
Hättest ihr die Zeit, da mal drüber zu lesen?
Ich finde, mir fehlt hier noch viel zu viel das Persönliche- warum sie mich nehmen sollen oder? Allerdings weiß ich nicht, wie ich das reinbringen soll?
Bin über jede Hilfe dankbar!
Viele Grüße und 1000 Dank im Voraus!
Letter of Motivation
I am writing regarding the master programme offered on the European university homepage and would like to apply for the Master programme “International Business”.
I have been studying Business Administration at Mannheim Cooperative University in Germany since 2006. Due to the special design of the program, I was able to combine my theoretical knowledge, gained at the university with practical work experience which I gained during my apprenticeship training at xx, Germany. In this connection I was able to look into a wide range of tasks in very different departments like in Purchase, Human Resources as well as in the corporate Advertising Agency and the Sales Promotion from xx. Thereby I have had an itch to deepening my knowledge especially in financial, marketing and personnel department by postgraduate studies as these are the fields I would like proceed in my future career. My Bachelor Thesis about the conception of a xx has given me the opportunity to build on my previous experience in the area of Human Resources. Within my last practical internship with xx in summer 2009 I am going to work in the finance department of the sales and distribution Germany to widen my practical experience in this area as well.
Additionally, I am very anxious to improve my language skills which are supposed to be, in addition to professional performance, indispensable if you want to succeed in business in future. Among English which I have been studied during my graduate studies as well I can offer basic knowledge in French (4 years) and Spanish (2 years) which I gained at school. I also attended a language course in Spanish for three months last year additional to my bachelor studies.
By starting the master programme “International Business” I anticipate to become more flexible and more competent in these fields of interests. This programme offers a great opportunity to gain basic knowledge in all business aspects in term one and, in turn, provides me the opportunity in specialising in finance, marketing and human resources in term two and three on international scale. Moreover the chance of studying in two different countries enables me to broaden my horizone in linguistic as well as in cultural aspects. I think, getting to know different cultures and, hereby, different views and attitudes is a experience essential for personality and occupational carrer.
In future, I aspire to a responsible position in a multinational enterprise, if possible especially with responsibility for projects concerning English and Spanish speaking countries. I think the master programme “International Business” will impart me all knowledge and experience necessary to achieve my personal objectives and career I aim for. |
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Gargy
Anmeldungsdatum: 25.05.2008
Beiträge: 62
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| Verfasst am: 03. Mai 2009 14:42 Titel: Re: Motiationsschreiben- würdet ihr da mal drüberschaun?? |
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| Gast hat Folgendes geschrieben: | Letter of Motivation
I am writing regarding the master programme offered on the European university homepage and would like to apply for the Master programme “International Business”.
Ich finde, der Anfang ist dir dir nicht so gut gelungen  Es ist doch ein Motivationsschreiben. Du musst schreiben "hiermit bewerbe ich mich..." und nicht "ich würde mich gern bewerben...". Würde, hätte gern, wäre gern immer vermeiden.
I have been am studying Business Administration at Mannheim Cooperative University in Germany since 2006. Due to the special design of the program, I was able to combine my theoretical knowledge gained at the university with practical work experience which I gained 2x gained? Vll. besser: gathered during my apprenticeship training at xx, Germany. In this connection was soll das heißen? im zusammenhang damit? I was able to look into a wide range of tasks in very different departments like in weglassen Purchase, Human Resources as well as in the corporate Advertising Agency and the Sales Promotion from xx. Thereby I have had an itch vll. ein bisschen doll umgangssprachlich, besser: eager to, encouraged... etwas in der richtung to deepening my knowledge especially in financial, marketing and personnel department das finde ich ein bissche merkwürdig, wissen der finanzabteolung vertiefen? by postgraduate studies as these are the fields I would like proceed in my future career. My Bachelor Thesis about the conception of a xx has given me the opportunity to build on my previous experience in the area of Human Resources. Within my last practical internship with xx in summer 2009 I am going to work in the finance department of the sales and distribution Germany to widen my practical experience in this area as well.
Additionally, I am very anxious to improve my language skills which are supposed to be, in addition to professional performance, indispensable if you want to succeed in for succeeding in business in future. Among English which I have been studied aua  nur studied reicht bzw. took classes in during my graduate studies as well ?? I can offer basic knowledge in French (4 years) and Spanish (2 years) which I gained at school. I also attended a language course in Spanish for three months last year additional to my bachelor studies.
By starting the master programme “International Business” I anticipate to become more flexible and more competent in these fields of interests. This programme offers a great opportunity to gain basic knowledge in all business aspects in term one and, in turn, provides me the opportunity in specialising in finance, marketing and human resources in term two and three on international scale. Moreover the chance of studying in two different countries enables me to broaden my horizone in linguistic as well as in cultural aspects. I think, getting to know different cultures and, hereby, different views and attitudes is a experience essential for personality and occupational carrer.
In future, I aspire to a responsible position in a multinational enterprise, if possible especially with responsibility for projects concerning English and Spanish speaking countries. I think the master programme “International Business” will impart me all knowledge and experience necessary to achieve my personal objectives and career I aim for. |
Ich hoffe, ich habe nicht wieder so viel übersehen, wie beim letzten Mal. Was möchtest du denn gern noch reinbringen? Warum sollen sie dich nehmen (ein bisschen was hast du ja schon gesagt)?
Bist du denn schon halb drin und das Motivationsschreiben ist nur noch Formsache oder ist dieses Schreiben der ausschlaggebene Punkt? |
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Gast
Gast
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| Verfasst am: 03. Mai 2009 21:12 Titel: |
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Vielen Dank schon mal, echt toll, dass du dir das angeschaut hast!
Mm, ich dachte, ich sollte da noch was mit "I am highly motivated which can be seen by..." so was; weil irgendwie fehlt ja ein Anschreiben, in das so was rein müsste. Aber mir wurde gesagt, dass ich einen letter of motivation zu schreiben habe....und weiter nichts.
Nee, ich bin leider noch gar nicht drin- und deshalb finde ich dieses Schreiben ja auch so lasch.
Habe die Änderungen übernommen, bis auf den ersten Satz, weil irgendwie...schreibt man das nicht immer so bei BEwerbungen:) |
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Gast
Gast
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| Verfasst am: 03. Mai 2009 21:15 Titel: |
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ACh so...und ja, in this connection sollte tatsächlich heißen "In diesem Zusammenhang" |
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Gargy
Anmeldungsdatum: 25.05.2008
Beiträge: 62
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| Verfasst am: 04. Mai 2009 19:24 Titel: |
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Statt " in this connection" ist "in this context" oder "while being there bzw. at it" besser.
Zum ersten Satz... puh, ja schwierig, wenn's nicht für mich selbst ist
Wie wärs denn mit etwas in folgender Richtung:
Since I read about Master programme “International Business” on the European university website, I am very enthusiastic and highly motivated to apply for it. (weiter mit dem 2. satz)
Vielleicht fällt dir selber noch was ein?! |
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