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markus beck
Anmeldungsdatum: 28.09.2011
Beiträge: 3
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 Verfasst am: 28. Sep 2011 12:28 Titel: motivationsschreiben englisch bitte mal drüberschaun |
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Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to apply for an opportunity to enhance my knowledge at the xy University as a part of the exchange program of the xy.
Two years ago I decided to study the field of economy .
As I am currently in my fourth semester, I am looking forward to increase my knowledge and collect some experience in Asia. I think, studying abroad is the most effective possibility to widen my horizon and learn a new language. Also I want to learn a unknown culture. Since the beginning of my education I liked the idea of knowledge exchange between different cultures and countries- now the time is comming!
One reason why I have chosen Taiwan is that I am lucky to have some Asia friends and I got to know the Asia as very polite people. My father, who was a chef in a Restaurante in Baguio, Phillippines told me a lot of these peaople in this asian area. I expect to find a different mentality from that in Germany and I am looking forward to study in a country from which I hopefully get many new and formative impressions. The Buddyprogramm and the idea of Erasmus, I know it isn't Erasmus, is the best way for a peaceful future between the miscellaneous cultures, I think. There is also a good way to get my opportunities, a well paid job. Furthermore I get the chance to study courses that are not available like Journalsim & Mass Communication or International Business Management at the xy.
I know not enough about Asia and about Taiwan, but I am willing to learn a lot and this is also the main thing why I like to go to Taipeh. I love the unknown, there must be a great city: the people, the hot sources, the culture and the spirit! It would be nice, if I get this chance!
Currently I am working as xy for xy.
xy is one of a few world leaders in xy and I am curious as it is in taiwan. And perhaps, the students there will learn a unknown culture, knowledge and language too!
I looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
xy
man bin ich schlecht  |
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Jack
Ehrenmoderator
Anmeldungsdatum: 09.04.2006
Beiträge: 549
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| Verfasst am: 28. Sep 2011 16:22 Titel: Re: motivationsschreiben englisch bitte mal drüberschaun |
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Habe nur mal eben drübergeschaut und daher fast nur Kommentare zum Inhalt, aber die helfen hoffentlich auch:
| markus beck hat Folgendes geschrieben: | | Two years ago I decided to study the field of economy . |
Studierst du BWL oder VWL? Ersteres wird normal als "business (studies)" bezeichnet, während letzteres allgemein als "economics" übersetzt wird.
| Zitat: |
One reason why I have chosen Taiwan is that I am lucky to have some Asia friends and I got to know the Asia as very polite people. My father, who was a chef in a Restaurante in Baguio, Phillippines told me a lot of these peaople in this asian area. |
Zum Einen heißt das Adjektiv/Nomen hier "Asian", nicht "Asia", zum Anderen halte ich es für unglücklich, Bewohner der Philippinen mit Taiwanern zu vergleichen, an die sich dein Schreiben richtet. Das wäre ungefähr so, als würde man Deutsche und Italiener vergleichen, weil beide zufällig Europäer sind. Wenn dein Vater allerdings von Taiwanern dort erzählt hat, solltest du das einfach klarer hervorheben und es dürfte nicht mehr problematisch klingen 
| Zitat: | | The Buddyprogramm and the idea of Erasmus, I know it isn't Erasmus, is the best way for a peaceful future between the miscellaneous cultures, I think. |
Da der Austausch wie von dir erwähnt keine Verbindung zum Erasmus-Programm hat, würde ich das auch gar nicht erst erwähnen. Man kann ja nicht voraussetzen, dass das außerhalb der EU bekannt ist.
| Zitat: | | Furthermore I get the chance to study courses that are not available like Journalsim & Mass Communication or International Business Management at the xy. |
Wo sind die Kurse nicht verfügbar, an deiner Uni? Das wird hier auch nicht hundertprozentig klar.
| Zitat: | | I know not enough about Asia and about Taiwan, but I am willing to learn a lot and this is also the main thing why I like to go to Taipeh. |
In Motivationsschreiben würde ich eigene "Defizite" nicht so hervorheben. Ich halte dein begrenztes Wissen über das Land nicht generell für schlimm, aber der Schwerpunkt sollte natürlich auf deiner Lust am Entdecken des Landes liegen (also vielleicht eher so formulieren, dass du gerne mehr über das Land wissen würdest und es gerne selbst erleben möchtest, statt nur darüber zu lesen).
Ansonsten denke ich, dass deine Motivation hier schon deutlich wird, was ja das Wichtigste an so einem Schreiben ist. Evtl. kann jemand anderes noch mal über den sprachlichen Teil genauer drüberschauen? |
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markus beck
Anmeldungsdatum: 28.09.2011
Beiträge: 3
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| Verfasst am: 28. Sep 2011 16:48 Titel: |
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hey vielen dank schonmal soweit!
hab alles soweit geändert und ergänzt.
sind sonst noch grammatikalische fehlrer drin? |
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Eris
Anmeldungsdatum: 25.08.2011
Beiträge: 73
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| Verfasst am: 28. Sep 2011 21:54 Titel: Re: motivationsschreiben englisch bitte mal drüberschaun |
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Kaum grammatikalische, nur ein paar orthografische.
| markus beck hat Folgendes geschrieben: | Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to apply for an opportunity to enhance my knowledge at the xy University as a part of the exchange program of the xy.
Two years ago I decided to study the field of economy .
As I am currently in my fourth semester, I am looking forward to increase my knowledge and collect some experience in Asia. I think, studying abroad is the most effective possibility to widen my horizon and learn a new language. Also I want to learn an unknown culture. Since the beginning of my education I liked the idea of knowledge exchange between different cultures and countries- now the time is comming! (coming)
One reason why I have chosen Taiwan is that I am lucky to have some Asia friends and I got to know the Asia as very polite people. My father, who was a chef in a Restaurante (restaurant) in Baguio, Phillippines told me a lot about these peaople in this asian area. I expect to find a different mentality from that in Germany and I am looking forward to study in a country from which I hopefully get many new and formative impressions. The Buddyprogramm and the idea of Erasmus, I know it isn't Erasmus, is the best way for a peaceful future between the miscellaneous cultures, I think. There is also a good way to get my opportunities, a well paid job. Furthermore I get the chance to study courses that are not available like Journalsim & Mass Communication or International Business Management at the xy.
I know not enough about Asia and about Taiwan, but I am willing to learn a lot and this is also the main thing why I like to go to Taipeh. I love the unknown, there must be a great city: the people, the hot sources, the culture and the spirit! It would be nice, if I get this chance!
Currently I am working as xy for xy.
xy is one of a few world leaders in xy and I am curious how it is like in Taiwan. And perhaps, the students there will learn an unknown culture, knowledge and language too!
I'm looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
xy
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markus beck
Anmeldungsdatum: 28.09.2011
Beiträge: 3
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| Verfasst am: 28. Sep 2011 22:11 Titel: |
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vielen dank, dann gehts jetzt raus! |
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