überprüfen eines textes (zusammenfassung)

schulZ · Anmeldungsdatum: 21.06.2006 Beiträge: 1 Wohnort: groß-gerau

Hi kann jmd bitte diesen text überpfüfen ich bin mir nicht sicher ob ich alles korrekt geschriebn habe...danke

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The story "no other choice" is about a boy who usually helps his father Bill after school on their Wyoming ranch.
One evening Ricky and Bill ride home, and they see a group of cattle on the other side of the meadow which suddenly split up and started to run..
The father and the son identificate a wolf on the meadow.
The very next day, Bill calls to Yellowstone National Park, and tell them that they have seen a wolf, but the man at the phone affirms Ricky, that
there can‘t be any wolves.
On Saturday that same week Ricky discovers several dead sheep on the higher meadows.
On the same day Bill calls Yellowstone again.
He tells the Rancher, that the wolf killed his sheep but the Rancher doesn‘t still believe that there are any wolves.
At the end of the story Ricky and his father trap the wolf by themselves and at last they kill it.

Jack · Ehrenmoderator Anmeldungsdatum: 09.04.2006 Beiträge: 549

The story "no other choice" is about a boy who usually helps his father Bill on their Wyoming ranch after school. (Ortsangaben stehen immer vor Zeitangaben!)
One evening, Ricky and Bill ride home and they see a group of cattle on the other side of the meadow, which suddenly splits up and starts to run. (Zusammenfassungen immer in der Gegenwart; nicht zwischen Zeiten hin- und herspringen!)
The father and the son identificate a wolf on the meadow. (Ich weiß nicht genau, was du mit "identificate" sagen willst, aber das klingt mir noch nicht ganz perfekt. Vielleicht kannst du dich dazu mal äußern.)
The very next day, Bill calls Yellowstone National Park and tells them that they have seen a wolf, but the man on the phone affirms that
there cannot be any wolves. ("can't" ist zwar nicht falsch, aber Kurzformen sollten in geschriebenen Texten besser nicht vorkommen)
On Saturday that same week, Ricky discovers several dead sheep on the higher meadows.
Therefore, Bill calls Yellowstone again later that day. (Klingt besser als dauernd Sätze mit "on" zu beginnen)
He tells the Rancher that the wolf killed his sheep but the Rancher still does not believe that there are any wolves. (kleiner Satzbaufehler und Kurzform wie oben erwähnt besser weglassen)
At the end of the story, Ricky and his father trap the wolf by themselves and at last they kill it.