Motivation Letter, please help...

aussi · Anmeldungsdatum: 25.05.2010 Beiträge: 2

Ich glaube ich brauche hilfe mit meinem motivation letter. hab da jetzt ne weile vorgesessen, bin aber nicht wirklich happy. ich freue mich über jegliche anmerkung und verbesserungsvorschläge!
danke! smile

Dear Sir or Madame,

I am writing to apply for the Bachelor's Programme in International Business and Management.

After graduating from school in 2002 I saw myself nowhere else but in the Hospitality Industry and chose to proceed my career taking up an apprenticeship for a Hotel Specialist. With completion in 2005 I discerned that I am a very people oriented person and decided to stay within the rooms division in hotels from then on. Another five years of experience working in diverse positions and companies in three different countries with complete different work environments and cultures has broadened my outlook and allowed me to view the world from a different vista. I do strongly believe that my experiences gained would benefit the International Management and Business Programme.

In the near future I would like to progress by working in the management sector for an international business company. I did achieve a lot just through my attained practical experience (damit bin ich nicht so happy, mir fällt aber nichst besseres ein..) however I have always endeavored to upgrade my education in the field of business since I do understand the great importance of knowledge provided in such a programme. Being very ambitious, well organised and enjoying to create order are personality strength of mine which will help me achieve this.

Living in Australia for the past few years, I unfortunately have not had the opportunity to see your University of Applied Science in person though I have been able to find plenty aspects that attract me to study in ***** online. I do in particular esteem the intense practical relevance and personal assistance you offer. I am confident that the Bachelor's Programme in International Business and Management offered by ***** University of Applied Science will provide me the knowledge and confidence to realize my dreams.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours faithfully,

Caree · Anmeldungsdatum: 06.01.2010 Beiträge: 15

Erstmal Fehler:
Madam ohne e, "I am writing in order to apply" ist besser; i am writing to apply hieße "ich schreibe anzufragen"