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[quote="ninak"]Halli hallo, noch so ein lom!! Es wär super, wenn auch noch mal jemand über meinen gucken würde und eine kritische (Kritik ist nicht NUR negativ) Betrachtung vornehmen könnte. Lieben Dank Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, hereby I am applying for entrance to the International Tourism Management program at *** in fall 2008. My interest in planning events and foreign countries and their cultures has a great impact on my life. Therefore I was involved in a group at school, which had to organize a small informational congress, where pupil of my school could inform themselves about different jobs of thirty companies and I also went to America for ten months and to Spain for two weeks as an international exchange student. I am very interested in languages and I am trying to learn as many languages as it is possible for me. Right now I can speak English very fluently; I had three years Spanish in school and one year French. Therefore I am really looking forward to learn Dutch. At school I already took the advanced course of business studies and economics, which might be very helpful for the Tourism Management program. The great variety of job opportunities as a tourism manager is also a good criteria to choose this program, because today one has to be very flexible to be good at their business. As a tourism manager one also has to be forward-looking and curios to catch the right moment to establish new tourism programs. My willingness to learn all about the field of tourism will help me to get an even more sensible feeling for those abilities. Through the experience of living in a foreign country I learnt to be very flexible, to cope with all kinds of situations and also to manage problems, which is important to become a good manager. Further skills, which are important to be a good manager, are the ability to work in a team, self-confidence, creativity and a sense for knowledge of human nature. The International Tourism Management program at the *** is very interesting for me because of the Problem Based Learning. This concept of learning adopts very well with my ideas of learning. Another reason for me to study at the *** is the international campus experiences, which is offered. This internationality is important for me and also for the Tourism Management program. All those criteria strengthened my decision to study International Tourism Management at your university. It is my ambition to be very successful with my studies in order to develop a career that leads to working across the world and I am pleased to hear from you soon. Yours faithfully, ***[/quote]
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ninak
Verfasst am: 27. März 2008 18:48
Titel:
hallo,
lieben Dank für die Anregungen! Das hat mir geholfen!
Liebe Grüße
MI
Verfasst am: 27. März 2008 18:08
Titel: Re: Letter of Motivation International Tourism Management
Erst einmal zum groben Überblick: Du nennst natürlich viele verschiedene Punkte und das ist ja auch gut so, aber mich hat etwas verwirrt, wie du die teilweise präsentierst, so nach dem Motto: "Weitere Aspekte, die für das Touristenmanagement wichtig sind, sind Flexibilität, etc.".
Willst du denen erklären, was wichtig ist oder willst du vielmehr erklären, was du für wichtig hälst und glaubst, zu haben? DAS kommt meiner Einschätzung nach nicht so gut rüber.
Natürlich, man muss selbstbewusst erscheinen - aber überselbstbewusst ist glaube ich nicht der richtige Weg. Konstruktionen wie "wich I think to be", oder "which might be very useful", etc. halte ich da für die bessere Wahl. Das zeigt, dass du dir Gedanken gemacht hast.
Ansonsten habe ich mal den ein oder anderen Verbesserungsvorschlag gemacht, bzw. Fehler korrigiert. Alles habe ich mit Sicherheit nicht gefunden (so gut bin ich auch nicht
).
Gruß
MI
ninak hat Folgendes geschrieben:
Dear
Sir or Madam
Ich kenne iegentlich eher diese Form und Wiki gibt mir Recht.
hereby I am applying for
entrance
to the International Tourism Management program at *** in fall 2008.
"entrance"? ich weiß nicht, vielleicht eher "to be accepted for"?
My interest in planning events and foreign countries and their cultures has a great impact on my life. Therefore I was involved in a group at school, which had to organize a small informational congress, where pupil
s
of my school could inform themselves about different jobs of thirty companies and I also went to America for ten months and to Spain for two weeks as an international exchange student.
I am very interested in languages and I am trying to learn as many languages as it is possible for me. Right now I can speak English
fluently
"very fluently" habe ich so noch nie gehört. Ich würde sagen, "fluently" reichte
; I had three years
of
Spanish in school and one year
of
French. Therefore I am really looking forward to learn Dutch.
At school I already took the advanced course of business studies and economics, which might be very helpful for the Tourism Management program.
The great variety of job opportunities as a tourism manager is also a
n important
criteria
for me
to choose this program, because today one has to be very flexible to be good at
his or her
business.
Eigentlich ist doch wichtig, was DICH interessiert... Außerdem würde ich sagen, dass da "his or her" hin muss, weil "one" im Singular steht"
As a tourism manager one also has to be forward-looking and curios to catch the right moment to establish new tourism programs. My willingness to learn all about the field of tourism will help me to get an even more
sensitive
feeling for those abilities.
sensible=vernünftig wolltest du das sagen?
Through the experience of living in a foreign country I learn
ed
(weil du ein Faible für American English hast
)
to be very flexible, to cope with all kinds of situations and also to manage problems, which is important to become a good manager.
Further skills,
which I think I have and which I think to be
important to be a good manager, are the ability to work in a team, self-confidence, creativity and a sense for knowledge of
human nature
.
Willst du die belehren, oder willst du erklären, warum du das Ganze machst? // "human nature"="Natur des Menschens, also alles, was ALLE Menschen ausmacht" - du willst wohl eher spezielle Eigenschaften heruasnehmen, oder? Dafür würde ich eher "character traits" oder "individual characteristics" nehmen, auch wenn da auch noch nicht die beste Wahl ist...
The International Tourism Management program at the *** is very interesting for me because of the Problem Based Learning. This concept of learning
fit
s very well
to
my ideas of learning.
"to adopt" kenne ich eher im Sinne von "anpassen". Ich denke aber, du willst wohl eher sagen, dass das sehr zu dir passt.
Another reason for me to study at the *** is the international campus experiences, which
are
offered.
experiences steht im Plural - aber mir ist nicht ganz klar, was das heißen soll.
This internationality is important for me and also for the Tourism Management program.
Ich glaube nicht, dass du denen das sagen musst
All those criteria strengthened my decision to study International Tourism Management at your university.
It is my ambition to be very successful with my studies in order to develop a career that leads to working across the world and
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon
Diese Konstruktion ist mEn geläufiger. Falls du dennoch deine Konstruktion beibehalten willst, würde ich wenigstens "I would be pleased" schreiben.
Yours faithfully,
***
ninak
Verfasst am: 26. März 2008 14:18
Titel: Letter of Motivation International Tourism Management
Halli hallo,
noch so ein lom!!
Es wär super, wenn auch noch mal jemand über meinen gucken würde und eine kritische (Kritik ist nicht NUR negativ) Betrachtung vornehmen könnte.
Lieben Dank
Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,
hereby I am applying for entrance to the International Tourism Management program at *** in fall 2008.
My interest in planning events and foreign countries and their cultures has a great impact on my life. Therefore I was involved in a group at school, which had to organize a small informational congress, where pupil of my school could inform themselves about different jobs of thirty companies and I also went to America for ten months and to Spain for two weeks as an international exchange student.
I am very interested in languages and I am trying to learn as many languages as it is possible for me. Right now I can speak English very fluently; I had three years Spanish in school and one year French. Therefore I am really looking forward to learn Dutch.
At school I already took the advanced course of business studies and economics, which might be very helpful for the Tourism Management program.
The great variety of job opportunities as a tourism manager is also a good criteria to choose this program, because today one has to be very flexible to be good at their business.
As a tourism manager one also has to be forward-looking and curios to catch the right moment to establish new tourism programs. My willingness to learn all about the field of tourism will help me to get an even more sensible feeling for those abilities.
Through the experience of living in a foreign country I learnt to be very flexible, to cope with all kinds of situations and also to manage problems, which is important to become a good manager.
Further skills, which are important to be a good manager, are the ability to work in a team, self-confidence, creativity and a sense for knowledge of human nature.
The International Tourism Management program at the *** is very interesting for me because of the Problem Based Learning. This concept of learning adopts very well with my ideas of learning. Another reason for me to study at the *** is the international campus experiences, which is offered.
This internationality is important for me and also for the Tourism Management program.
All those criteria strengthened my decision to study International Tourism Management at your university.
It is my ambition to be very successful with my studies in order to develop a career that leads to working across the world and I am pleased to hear from you soon.
Yours faithfully,
***