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Hilfe: letter of motivation überarbeiten? (:
 
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bienemaja123
Gast





BeitragVerfasst am: 24. Sep 2012 21:53    Titel: Hilfe: letter of motivation überarbeiten? (: Antworten mit Zitat

ja, also ich möchte im nächsten sommer für ein halbes Jahr einen Freiwilligendienst machen und muss dafür einen letter of motivation schreiben. Dummerweise muss ich das ziemlich bald abschicken, deshalb wäre es echt suuuuuuper, wenn da vllt mal jemand 'nen blick drauf werfen könnte... nur damit ich wenigstens die gröbsten Fehler berichtigen kann. :)) danke!




Dear Sir or Madam,

My name XYZ and I want to apply for the Community Service Program offered by AFS and work as a voluntary for 6 month, starting next summer in 2013. I was born on XYZ in XYZ, which is a small town in the north of Germany. I’m living in this town together with my parents and my little brother. I’m visiting the 12 grade of a secondary school. Being very studious and ambitious I get very good grades at school. So when I’ll have finished school in May 2013 I will have the Abitur, a diploma, qualifying me to study at a university.

For several years I’m thinking about becoming a primary school teacher, because I love to be together with children and observe how they learn new things, like for example reading, writing and counting. Having cared several times for my little brother and cousins I’ve already made quite many experiences in caring for children but not so many in caring for foreign kids or groups of children like in a kindergarten or at school. So I would like to broaden my knowledge in this social field during my stay abroad by working as a voluntary.

To discover if this is really the right profession for me, I’ve already gained some relative short work experiences during an internship in a kindergarten for 3 weeks in 2010 and in a primary school for 2 weeks in 2011. My tasks were of course to look after the children and to help them getting dressed in the kindergarten, but also to help them doing their homework in the primary school. During my internship in the primary school I changed the classes I worked with every day, so I could experience the differences between every age-group. In addition I helped the teachers planning group-activities, especially several outdoor-games during a school trip. Furthermore I had the chance to get to know the children and I earned their trust, so they often came to me if they had problems. So the children and I became kind of friends and I missed them a lot when my internship was over. I enjoyed this five weeks of intensive work with children very much, what encouraged me to follow up my plan of becoming a teacher.

Therefore I would love to work at a place with kids during my 6 month abroad, especially to work at a primary school. I would like to discover the differences between teaching kids in Germany and teaching kids in other countries and I think it would help me later when I'm studying for becoming a teacher being back in Germany. But although I would prefer to work in a primary school to prove this decision I would try to adjust to other kinds of work as good as I can,too, if it won't be possible for me to work at a school.

One of the main reasons for me to spend 6 month abroad is my wish to experience a new culture. Indeed I traveled a lot with my family and friends, for example to Great Britain, France, Spain, Italy and Denmark, but I always kept within the European boarders, so I would like to experience the culture of another continent.

I’m especially interested in the Latin-American and the Australian culture. But although I’m interested in both cultures I prefer to go to Australia, last but not least because my English is better that my Spanish, although I think I’m able to speak both languages quite fluently. In addition I think I’ve already experienced more of the Latin-American culture because my family has hosted an exchange-student from Costa Rica in. Therefore I would like to experience a completely new culture, like the Australian. I think Australia is the right destination according to the facts about its culture I heard about in our English-lessons at school. Furthermore spending 6 month in Australia could help me if I decide to choose English as a subject to teach after my studies in Germany.

Last but not least one of the most important reasons for my choice to spend half a year in working as a voluntary is of course that I want to know that I have done something what helped other people. At home I’ve already helped some friends and younger family members with their homework for example and I enjoyed the feeling that I’m needed. So I’m happy to be able to help people in a foreign country as an equivalent for the new experiences I’ll gain there. Therefore I’m absolutely sure that the voluntary service is the right way for me to spend half a year abroad and I hope that I could convince you of my motivation for this work.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon,

Yours faithfully, XYZ
dajuicinator
Gast





BeitragVerfasst am: 25. Sep 2012 18:34    Titel: Antworten mit Zitat

hallo bienemaja,

ich bin selbst dabei ein letter of motivation zu schreiben und dachte ich helfe dir vielleicht:

1. solltest du niemals deinen cv wiederholen, der ist bewusst extra.
2. bist du ein "volunteer", kein "voluntary"
3. studious?
4. haben deine noten meist wenig einfluss auf das auswahlverfahren
5. "for several years I have been thinking about becoming a primary school teacher because I love being with children [...]things, for example [...].
6. "I have looked after my smaller brother and cousins several times and have got a bit of expeience in [...] but not as much in [...]"
7. am satzanfang kein "so"
8. "of course" weglassen, ansonsten klingts überheblich Augenzwinkern
"I enjoyed these five weeks [...] cildren very much. This also encouraged me[...]"
9. nimm lieber children anstatt kids, ist formaler Augenzwinkern
10. "from costa rica in." ?

der stil is nich so meins, aber kann man sich ja drüber streiten Augenzwinkern

ansonsten viel erfolg und viel spass!
bienemaja123
Gast





BeitragVerfasst am: 25. Sep 2012 19:28    Titel: Antworten mit Zitat

okay, vielen vielen dank für deine tipps und verbesserung, v.a. bei den Fehlern, die einfach nur dämlich und unnötig sind! Augenzwinkern
und ja mit meinem Stil bin ich selbst nicht so ganz zufrieden, aber ich weiß auch nicht ganz genau was mich daran stört und was ich ändern will Augenzwinkern
naja, ich hoffe mal, mein Schreibstil wird nicht das entscheidene kriterium bei der Berurteilung meiner Bewerbung durch die Organisation sein... Augenzwinkern
und nochmal danke für deine Hilfe !
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