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Korrektur lesen Letter of Motivation
 
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Anmeldungsdatum: 04.11.2011
Beiträge: 1

BeitragVerfasst am: 04. Nov 2011 12:51    Titel: Korrektur lesen Letter of Motivation Antworten mit Zitat

Meine Frage:
Hallo liebe EB community. Ich werde mich demnächst in Holland für die Uni bewerben und musste ein LoM vorbereiten. Es wäre nett, wenn ihr paas Verbesserungsvorschläge hättet. Danke im Voraus.

B.Z.
Adresse 1
Adresse 2
Germany
Tel.: 0049150000000
Email: [email protected]



Dear Sir or Madam,


I hereby apply for your Bachelor programme International Business Administration starting in 01.09.2012. The reason why I would like to apply for IBA is, my passion for numbers and the fact that I love to ?play? with them. This was also the reason why I took mathematics as one of my majors during Abitur. But the decisive factor was the social science lesson in Gymnasium. Throughout this lesson I learned more about different cultures and economical structures. At the end we took part at a stock market competition and were in top five ranking. Analysing different companies and their profiles was one my biggest pleasure.

After my arising interest in economy, the idea of studying Business Administration seemed more and more attractive. My only problem was my bad English language skill that I definitely wanted to change. I decided to go to Australia in order to learn the language and learn to live a life independently. It was during my travels that I met a lot of different people, who were studying IBA in foreign countries. The notion of studying abroad while learning another language and culture was exactly what I was looking for.

Travelling awoke a lot of different qualities inside me that I would require later in my business carrier. It starts with my decision to go to Australia at all. I lacked of language skill and I wanted to change this state in order to archive my future goal. If I am aware of a weakness that exposes to be a burden for me, I try everything to change this into an advantage. After travelling for 2 years I am capable of the English language and developed good communication skills by talking to a big variety of different people. This also helped me expanding my horizon and being open-minded. Different countries mean different life styles. Entering a new country meant facing a new culture and it was a challenge to adapt to their way of life. I learned to be really flexible and not to have any hesitations to experience something new.

Besides developing skills that made it more comfortable to travel I also emerged my working experience. In order to effort all the travelling I had to work in different areas. This varied from hospitality to gastronomy or from labouring to sales management. Working in different branches made it possible to gain insight and to come closer to my decision of studying IBA. So did I work as supervisor in a Kebab-shop where good leadership skills were required. I worked 80 hours a week in order to save money and continue my travelling. This proves how ambitious I am because I wanted to travel longer and I wanted to do everything to make that possible. My curiosity and hunger for new knowledge lead me to South-east Asia, where I learned to be organised and evolved my adapting skills furthermore. Being organised was not enough so I worked on my negotiation skills that finally guided me to my dream job. I like comparing different goods finding not only the cheapest but the qualitative best product. My travel partners always left this task to me because I was the best at negotiation and this ultimately induced me to become a buyer in my future carrier. To make this possible I challenged myself in course of my trip. So was my device to travel as sufficient as possible for as long and as cheap as possible.

My current challenge is to study IBA in order to become a buyer in an international company. After talking to a lot of people and researching on the internet, Erasmus University Rotterdam is the best way to accomplish this challenge. I value the practical approach in order to be successful in my carrier. RSM provides an excellent insight into management of international companies and their operations. As a buyer later on in my carrier I will have to ask myself whether or not my marketing strategy will succeed or would competitors undercut my price. Since RSM would prepare me to these kind of situations I would be disposed for the pitfalls of the business life. Furthermore I want to study abroad in English and because of RSM 's reputation as one the leading business institutions in Europe, it would make it contingent for me to apply in a big range of international companies. Additionally RSM with its 50 top partner schools around the globe, would assist me to study in different countries to amplify my horizons. And lastly the study association STAR is great opportunity to stimulate future cooperation within the company. I think this is really important because companies require good communication skills and team-work.


Given my hunger for knowledge, my ambition, my time management and my adaptation skill, I believe I have the qualification and the enthusiasm that you are looking for. Compared to other students graduating from high school and attending the university right after, I am certain about my future plan because I know myself and what I want, because travelling showed me where my boundaries were and what I was capable of. I thrive on challenges and will spend time and effort it takes to succeed. Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.



Respectfully yours




Meine Ideen:
Ich hab das Gefühl, dass mein LoM bisschen zu persönlich ist. Ich denke man könnte es bisschne formaler gestalten. Und ich bräuchte paar synonyme Big Laugh
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