Letter of Motivation: Bitte um Verbesserung/-svorschläge

bratfischte · Gast

Hallo liebe Leser des englischboard.de Forums Augenzwinkern

,

bräuchte dringend Hilfe bei meinem Motivation letter. Wäre euch sehr sehr dankbar, wenn jmd mal drüberlesen könnte und seine Verbesserungsvorschläge posten könnte. Freue mich über jede Korrektur! smile

danke, danke, danke schon mal im Vorraus!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I hereby wish to state my interest and express you my motivation for a place in the xxxxx Bachelor programme at xxxx starting in August 2011.

To introduce myself, I am a woman of xx years, who lives near xxxxxx,xxxxx. After doing my A-Level at xxxx-xxxx-Schule at xxxx in xxxxx. I left Germany in September to do 'Work and Travel' in xxx for x months. I would describe me as an open-minded, active and cosmopolitan young woman. I always felt that I want to leave my home town, travel, see more of the world and first of all get an access to foreign people and especially their way of life. During my enthralling experience in Australia I reached my decision to study abroad. Within my travels I was given the opportunity to face the challenges of living in a foreign country and to gain cross-cultural competence. Furthermore I stabilized and improved my acquirements in English, speaking as well as writing.
Since one month I am making an internship at xxxxxxxx at xxxxx, and I am going to complete my practical in July. The front office, I am working at, is responsible for the facility management. I deal with a mixture of project work tasks and daily business operations everyday. Being very ambitious, well organized and enjoying to create order are personality strength of mine which will help me achieve this. Through these intense experiences, I am receiving a job-related knowledge, skills and insights of an internationally operating company.

Besides my travels and my interest in economic, I was always very into the world of fashion. It is not only the universalism of fashion, it is the changeableness, what makes fashion very interesting to me. Moreover I like the fact that you can express your feeling with fashion. These are the reasons why I invest most of my spare time in it. I like to read fashion magazines, watch the newest fashion show and to look around for fascinating blogs in the Internet to find inspiration for my own wardrobe.
I think that the combination of my three main interests is perfect for the xxxxxxxx programme at your institute.

The first why xxxx is my first choice to apply at, is it's internationality, because I can pursue my goal to start a career as a xxxxx one day. xxxx provides the chance to study in an international environment which will be important for enhancing my intercultural competence and language skills, English as well as xxxxx. I feel confident and I am able to undertake this challenge. In my opinion one of the best thing at xxxxx is that they help you to develop your own talents and that you get an impression of all the different parts of the fashion industry. Another reason why I chose xxxxx is, that it is a four year programme and it is supporting placements at prestigious fashion companies. I already visited xxxxxx twice, and I like this city very much. It is a vibrant city, where you can meet a lot of interesting people, visit fantastic and temporary exhibitions, encased in stunning architecture and find a lot of shops with the newest trends, which can give you a lot of inspiration.
It is my ambition to be very successful at my studies in order to develop a career that leads to working across the world. Additionally I like the fact, that xxxxx is one of the best fashion schools worldwide and that it is a member of the xxxxx. It would be a honour for me to study there.

I am expecting from the course that it will show me which talents I got exactly, especially in my first year, the foundation year. Moreover I hope, that xxxxx will support you with everything, especially your own talents, and that there is always somebody who's assistance you can seek, when you have problems. Furthermore I hope that I will know during or after the programme what I exactly want to do after my studies in my future working life.

At present I could imagine to work for a company which is responsible for the organisation of fashion shows after graduation. Moreover I would love to work at a fashion magazine or a fascinating brand. I am still very flexible with this decision.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I'm looking forward to your positive response.

Respectfully yours,

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

MI · Administrator Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005 Beiträge: 1140 Wohnort: München

Insgesamt mehr Kleinigkeiten.

Rot: Fehler
Orange: Bin ich selbst unsicher, ob die urspr. Version nicht auch geht, bzw.: in meinen Augen extrem unschön.
Grün: Vorschlag

Gruß
MI

bratfischte · Gast

danke dass du dir die mühe gemacht hast den brief so genau durchzuschauen Augenzwinkern

hab ihn deinen vorschlägen entsprechend auch abgeändert und die fehler ausgebessert. morgen gehts ab in den briefkasten smile

MI · Administrator Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005 Beiträge: 1140 Wohnort: München

Dann viel Erfolg damit.