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Frechy



Anmeldungsdatum: 17.02.2011
Beiträge: 2

BeitragVerfasst am: 17. Feb 2011 09:17    Titel: Korrektur Englischer Text Antworten mit Zitat

Hallo,
Ich möchte ein Jahr Au PAir in Amerika machen und muss dafür einen Text an die möglichen Gastfamilien schreiben. Könnte ihn jemand korrigieren,da ich nicht so gut bin in englisch?
Liebe Grüße :-)

Hier der Text:
Dear future host family,
My name is Elena. I'm from Germany, Heiligenstedten, this is near Hamburg, wich you might know. I come across from the "far north" as we Germans like to say.
I live with my mom alone, because she and my dad are divorced. But he lives only 15 minutes away by car. I have a "little" brother(15), he lives with my dad. The quotes because he is bigger than me. Once a Sunday in month my dad makes a game night with board games. Then the family meet and we play Monopoly or something like that, but I also meet him in between for lunch or so.
At the moment I'm doing my high school graduation. So there is much to do. But that's because I'm much happier when I see my Babysitting children, Janne and Malin. I meet them every Sunday, when they were smaller twice a week.
We have so much fun togheter. Last time we made a tickling battle, it was so amusing. We often go out to a park or something like that. We love to play Memory, mabe you know it. Also hide away, makeup, paint, dress, making things, go eat ice cream, knead and swing on the playground they love. I know them for almost 3 years, so they are like my little sisters. You can see them both in my photo album.
To be relax I like to play guitar, so I can come down in the evenings. But I only play since december. Something new is always interesting to learn. One song I can already play.
Every day when it's not to rainy or icy I ride with my bike to school, one an hour for back and forth. And so I can switch off very well after school. But the last time there was so much snow that I unfortunately can not ride my bike.
Twice a week I go to the office, there I have a little side job. I sort files and I'm the girl for everything. It's a real great job, and the working atmosphere is very pleasant.
I often meet my friends, at school, at a cafe, at the cinema, at a public pool. We like to go shopping, last weekend we went to a special shop for evening dresses, we searched a dress for our graduationball.
My best friend plays the violin, so I often visit classical concerts with her, often she also plays with the orchestra. I also love musicals, the Lion King or we will rock you. I'd like to see Cats or Dance of the Vampires.
I like to travel. Three times I was traveling with a friend to France, I also have a friend there, so we have lived with her during our vacation. She lives in Paris and showed us the city. Last year we made a class trip to Italy, this was ver fun with all of my friends, especially because we can not speak a word italien. Then I was in England to impove my Englisch, I lived 2 weeks with a host family. In my photos are pictures from my travels, look it up gladly.
When the sun is shining I love to go jogging. I love it to be outside, especially with kids. Collecting stones, meet other children at the playground, building sandcastles or play soccer.
I hope I made you curious about me. If so, I would be glad if you get in touch.
With many kind greetings, especially for the children.
Elena
MI
Administrator


Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005
Beiträge: 1140
Wohnort: München

BeitragVerfasst am: 18. Feb 2011 00:48    Titel: Re: Korrektur Englischer Text Antworten mit Zitat

Ich habe mal einiges verbessert.
Rot sind Fehler oder Dinge, die vorher falsch waren und die ich umformuliert habe,
orange sind Dinge, wo ich mir nicht ganz sicher bin, oder die ich nicht ganz verstehe,
grün sind Vorschläge meinerseits, um den Text etwas flüssiger zu machen.

Gruß
MI

Frechy hat Folgendes geschrieben:

Dear future host family,

My name is Elena. I'm from Germany, Heiligenstedten, a small town near Hamburg, wich you might know. I come from the "far north" as we Germans like to say.
I live alone with my mother, because she and my father are divorced, but he lives only 15 minutes away by car.Satzstellung besser. "Mom" und "Dad" sind umgangssprachlich. Ich weiß nicht, wie formell der Brief sien soll. I have a "little" brother (15), who lives with my dad. I put it in quotation marks, because he is taller than me. "bigger" heißt insb. auch "fetter", ich glaube eher, dass du die Körpergröße meinst. One Sunday every month my dad organises a game night with board games. Then the family meets and we play Monopoly or something like that, but I also meet him in between, just to dine with him, etc..
At the moment I'm doing my high school graduation. So there is much to do. But that's because I'm much happier when I see my babysitting children, Janne and Malin. I meet them every Sunday, when they were smaller twice a week. Das "but" musst du mir erklären - das verstehe ich in diesem Zusammenhang nicht.
We have so much fun togheter. Last time we made a tickling battle, it was so amusing. We often go out to a park or something like that. We love to play Memory, mabe you know it. We also play hide away, makeup, paint, dress, we make things, go eat ice cream, knead and they love the swings on the playground. I know them for almost three years, so they are like my little sisters. You can see them both in my photo album.
To relax I like to play guitar, so I can calm down in the evenings. But I only play since december. It is always interesting to learn something new and I can already play one song. Du versuchst zwar, die Satzstellung möglichst einfach zu halten und handelst dir damit im Vergleich zu manchem, was ich hier schon gesehen habe, verhältnismäßig wenige Fehler ein - hier ist's aber doch etwas daneben gegangen Augenzwinkern .
Every day when it's not too rainy or icy I ride to school by bike, one hour back and forth. And so I can switch off very well after school. Den Satz verstehe ich leider nicht. But recently, there was so much snow that I unfortunately could not ride my bike.
Twice a week I go to the office, where I have a small job "Nebenjob" ist so eher unbekannt im angelsächsischem Raum. I sort files and I'm the girl for everything. It's a really great job, and the working atmosphere is very pleasant.
I often meet my friends, at school, at a cafe, at the cinema or at a public pool for example. We like to go shopping; last weekend we went to a special shop for evening dresses, where we searched a dress for our graduationball.
My best friend plays the violin, so I often visit classical concerts with her, often she also plays with the orchestra. I also love musicals like the "Lion King" or "We Will Rock You". I'd like to see Cats or Dance of the Vampires.
I like to travel. Togehter with a friend, I have been to France three times. I also have a friend there, where we have lived during our vacation. She lives in Paris and showed us the city. Last year we made a class trip to Italy, which was very great for me and all of my friends, especially because we cannot speak a word Italian. Then I was in England to impove my Englisch, where I lived with a host family for two weeks (Ort vor Zeit). There are photos of my travels in my album, if you'd like to look them up.
When the sun is shining I love to go running. Die englische Wikipedia z.B. kennt zwar den Term "jogging", aber eigentlich ist er nicht sehr verbreitet. I love it to be outside, especially with kids. Collecting stones, meet other children at the playground, build sandcastles or play soccer.
I hope I made you curious about me. If so, I would be glad if you get in touch.

With many kind greetings, especially for the children.
Elena
Frechy



Anmeldungsdatum: 17.02.2011
Beiträge: 2

BeitragVerfasst am: 21. Feb 2011 17:45    Titel: Danke Antworten mit Zitat

Danke war eine super Hilfe :-)[/b]
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