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candc
Anmeldungsdatum: 11.06.2009
Beiträge: 1
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 Verfasst am: 11. Jun 2009 15:37 Titel: Kann vllt jemand mein Motivationsschreiben korrigiern?????? |
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Hallo, da ich mich an der internationalen fh in bad honnef bewerbe, habe ich dieses Motivationsschreiben verfasst. Da ich jedoch niemanden kenne, der Muttersprachler ist, oder sehr gut englisch spricht, fände ich es nett, wenn sich das mal jemand durchlesen und mir vllt ein paar Korrekturvorschläge geben könnte......danke^^
Dear Sir or Madam,
The reason I want to study hotel management is, that I am interested in travelling and the different atmospheres prevailing in hotels all over the world. To see how the employees, working in this industry, are focused on making their guests feel comfortable, by showing them a little world of perfection, has always been exciting for me. Besides, I like the fact, that the hotel industry, one of the most diversified industries worldwide, offers a wide range of jobs and therefore a wide range of tasks and responsibility.
Because I always had the wish to start my career in this industry, I did an internship at a Holiday Inn Hotel in my home town Düsseldorf, to ascertain, if I could really imagine working in this business. During these two weeks, I gained insights into the working conditions and the processes and my wish to work in this industry arose.
While this internship showed me on the one hand how hard and stressful working in a hotel can be, it showed me on the other hand, that languages are very essential, if you want to be successful. I have been always interested in foreign languages, for which reason the first language I chose to learn was Latin. My qualification in Latin was like a basis for me to learn English, French and Spanish a little bit easier. Furthermore I took English as an advanced course in school and made an English language course in New York, to develop my active vocabulary and to practise conversations. For my future ambitions it is especially decisive, that the courses at the International University in Bad Honnef are all taught in English, including specific vocabulary for my future job.
My second advanced course in school was geography, which I chose, due to the fact that I got important background information about nearly every country around the world and the chance to facilitate the understanding of processes like globalization or global political decisions. Moreover I learned a lot about the different kinds of national and international tourism industries and their development.
I am also interested in extracurricular activities. I have been playing the flute for ten years now and in an orchestra for almost five years. Being part of this ensemble showed me sometimes how hard it can be to be part of a team if everyone wants to present his or her own ideas.
Besides I am working as a sales assistant in a delicatessen, where I have to organize the deliveries and to manage the sale, which are tasks I really like to perform.
Since I did my work experience in 2007 and I recently completed my A-Levels at the
St. Ursula-Gymnasium in Düsseldorf, I caught up on every opportunity I have to start my career in the hotel industry. I visited different “career-days”, information fairs and universities in Germany and abroad, and I also talked to trainees to get information about training options.
After I have visited the International University of Applied Sciences in Bad Honnef on March 28th 2009, I was sure, that the university and the double bachelor programme in International Hospitality Management is exactly the course of studies I am looking for.
The bachelor programme really meets my expectations, because I like the diversification which is given by the changing between semesters in Bad Honnef and abroad. I guess that this and the including internship are important for me as a student to become more independent by getting the chance to gain experience in a foreign country and concern.
Moreover I embrace the wide range of offered languages, because I am able to develop my knowledge of languages yet further.
Another point for me to study at this university is, that the small-sized classes gives the tutors the chance to care about every student and to create a comfortably studious atmosphere.
Furthermore the campus is very modern equipped and I like the café and the bar, which offer options for the students to meet at their leisure.
All things considered, the International University of Applied Science in Bad Honnef offers exactly the course of studies I am searching for and the ambience I want to live in.
Thank you very much for considering my request. |
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crishan
Gast
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| Verfasst am: 30. Jun 2009 14:59 Titel: |
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Ohne nun den gesamten Text auf grammatikalische- sowie Ausdrucksfehler untersucht zu haben, faellt mir auf, dass die Kommasetzung zusehr der dt. Interpunktion aehnelt. |
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tippi
Gast
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| Verfasst am: 30. Jun 2009 19:51 Titel: |
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DAS nenn ich mal ein Motivationsschreiben. Bin schwer begeistert. Sind zwar ein paar Fehler drin (Kommasetzung und auch Zeitformen), aber mit dem Schreiben rockst du die Auswahlkommission sowieso 
(Ich schau bei mehr Zeit aber mal genauer drüber... is nur grad schlecht) |
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tippi
Gast
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| Verfasst am: 02. Jul 2009 16:18 Titel: Re: Kann vllt jemand mein Motivationsschreiben korrigiern??? |
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| candc hat Folgendes geschrieben: | Dear Sir or Madam,
The reason I want to study hotel management is, that I am interested my interest in travelling and the different atmospheres prevailing in hotels all over the world. To see how the employees, working in this industry, are focused on making their guests feel comfortable, by showing them a little world of perfection, has always been exciting for me. Besides, I like the fact, that the hotel industry, one of the most diversified industries worldwide, offers a wide range of jobs and therefore a wide range of tasks and responsibility.
Because I always had the wish to start my career in this industry, I did completed an internship at a Holiday Inn Hotel in my home town Düsseldorf, to ascertain, if I could really imagine working in this business. During these two weeks, I gained insights into the working conditions and the processes and my wish to work in this industry arose.
While rauslassen, passt nicht zum satz this internship showed me on the one hand how hard and stressful working in a hotel can be, it showed me on the other hand, that languages are very essential, if you want to be successful. I have been always interested in foreign languages, (for) which was the reason to choose Latin as the first language (I chose) to learn (was Latin). My qualification in Latin was like a basis for me to learn English, French and Spanish a little bit easier. Furthermore I took English as an advanced course in school and made an English language course in New York, to develop my active vocabulary and to practise conversations. For my future ambitions it is especially decisive, that the courses at the International University in Bad Honnef are all taught in English, including specific vocabulary for my future job.
My second advanced course in school was geography, which I chose, due to the fact that I got das klingt ein bisschen doll umgangssprachlich, vll. fällt dir selbst noch was besseres ein?! important background information about nearly every country around the world and the chance to facilitate the understanding of processes like globalization or global political decisions. Moreover I learned a lot about the different kinds of national and international tourism industries and their development.
I am also interested in extracurricular activities. I have been playing the flute for ten years now and in an orchestra for almost five years. Being part of this ensemble showed me sometimes how hard it can be to be part of a team if everyone wants to present his or her own ideas.
Besides I am working as a sales assistant in a delicatessen, where I have to organize the deliveries and to manage the sale, which are tasks I really like to perform.
Since I did my work experience in 2007 and I recently completed my A-Levels at the
St. Ursula-Gymnasium in Düsseldorf, I caught up on every opportunity I have to start my career in the hotel industry. I visited different “career-days”, information fairs and universities in Germany and abroad, and I also talked to trainees to get information about training options.
After I have visited the International University of Applied Sciences in Bad Honnef on March 28th 2009, I was sure, that the university and the double bachelor programme in International Hospitality Management is exactly the course of studies I am looking for.
The bachelor programme really meets my expectations, because I like the diversification which is given by the changing between semesters in Bad Honnef and abroad. I guess hast du wirklich gerade "guess" geschrieben ?? that this and the including internship are important for me as a student to become more independent by getting the chance to gain experience in a foreign country and concern.
Moreover I embrace the wide range of offered languages, because I am able to develop my knowledge of languages yet further.
Another point for me to study at this university is, that the small-sized classes gives the tutors the chance to care about every student and to create a comfortably studious atmosphere.
Furthermore the campus is very modern equipped and I like the café and the bar, which offer options for the students to meet at their leisure.
All things considered, the International University of Applied Science in Bad Honnef offers exactly the course of studies I am searching for and the ambience I want to live in.
Thank you very much for considering my request. |
Mehr fiel mir gerade nicht auf. Kommas sind nicht so meine Sache... aber da sind definitv zu viele drin... |
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