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Keyo
Anmeldungsdatum: 20.09.2007
Beiträge: 7
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 Verfasst am: 20. Sep 2007 11:53 Titel: Essay-Korrekturlesung |
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HI!
Ich bin nicht gerade ein Genie in Englisch. Deshalb bitte ich um eine kurze Korrekturlesung meiner 2 Aufsätze.
Hauptprobleme: Satzstellungen und Phrasen aus dem Wörterbuch.
Smoking in Pubs!
To save the healt of peopöe the government has to reform the politics of smoking. In the fumes of cigarettes the academics found hundreds of toxins.
Some of the toxins are carcinogen. Smokers and non-smokers know that since a lot of years. The government did nothing about it.
We got more carcinogen patients, within much of them are smokers or ex-smokers, in the last 10 years so the government has to reform.
It isn´t okay that little children or people who doesn´t smoke breathe in the fumes of cigarettes and get ill.
They have the right to go into a pub sp the government must enclose smoking and non smoking zones.
I think it isn´t okay to ban the smoking everywhere because grown-up people have the right to do with theyr own life what they want
but for the reason of health of the other people they should limit theyr smoking acts in public places. [157 words ]
Environment Pollution!
The articles you can buy in shops, supermarkets, toy shops are very often inpackaged in to much plastic.
Plastic is a stuff which isn´t good recycleable. To produce plastic fabrics have to shoot very much emission in the air.
While plastic isn´t recycleable we bring it to rubish dumps, but what should they do with it there?
After some time they burn it up because the rubbish dumps need place for the new incoming waste.
You can´t burn everything so the rubbish dumps get bigger and bigger. The ozone hole get bigger too. It is an awful circulation.
What can you do to stop this circulation?
I give an example. When you go to a butcher you can inpackage the meat into a tupper ware. This is just one thing but it would bring so much.
What can you do to save the environment?
If you live near by your workplace you could take the bus or trailway.
When you just want to buy cigarettes or else you could go for a walk and let the car in the garage.
You can look that you produce not so much waste.
Buy a low emission car when you need a new car and you have the money for it.
The most important thing is to practice waste seperation.
Ich danke im vorraus für eure Hilfe und entschuldige mich für sämtliche "Anfängerfehler". |
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Goldenhind
Ehrenmoderator
Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006
Beiträge: 399
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| Verfasst am: 20. Sep 2007 17:06 Titel: Re: Essay-Korrekturlesung |
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| Keyo hat Folgendes geschrieben: | To save the health of people the government has to reform the politics (evtl. besser "policy" wenn du konkrete Maßnahmen meinst of smoking. In the fumes of cigarettes academics found hundreds of toxins.
Some of the toxins are carcinogen. Smokers and non-smokers know that for a lot of years. The government did not do anything about it.
We got more carcinogen patients, among whom are (a lot of) smokers or ex-smokers, in the last 10 years vermutlich besser: "who stopped smoking within the last 10 years" so the government has to reform.
It is not okay that little children or people who do not smoke breathe in the fumes of cigarettes and get ill.
They have the right to go into a pub so the government must enclose was meinst du hier mit "enclose"? smoking and non smoking zones.
I think it is not okay to ban smoking everywhere because grown-up people have the right to do with their own lives what they want (to do)
but for the reason of health die Formulierung gefällt mir nicht of the other people they should limit their smoking acts in public places. [157 words ]
Environment Pollution!
The goods you can buy in shops, supermarkets, (and) toy shops are very often packaged in too much plastic.
Plastic is a material which is not well recyclable. To produce plastic fabrics have to shoot "shoot" ist sicher nicht der richtige Ausdruck, ich würde "emit" sagen, aber dann ist das mit "emission" doppelt gemoppelt very much emission in the air.
While plastic is not recyclable we bring it to rubbish dumps, but what should they wer ist "they"? wenn du das nicht definierst, ist das Umgangssprache do with it there?
After some time they burn it up because the rubbish dumps need place for the newly incoming waste.
You cannot burn everything so the rubbish dumps get bigger and bigger. The ozone hole gets bigger, too. It is a vicious circle (Teufelskreis).
What can you do to stop this circle?
I give an example. When you go to a butcher you can package the meat into a tupper ware. This is just one thing but it would bring so much.
What can you do to save the environment?
If you live near by your workplace you could take the bus or trailway.
When you just want to buy cigarettes or else you could go for a walk and leave the car in the garage.
You can look that you produce not so much waste.
Buy a low emission car when you need a new car and you have the money for it.
The most important thing is to practice waste seperation. |
MfG Goldenhind |
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Keyo
Anmeldungsdatum: 20.09.2007
Beiträge: 7
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| Verfasst am: 20. Sep 2007 19:10 Titel: |
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Da muss ich wohl fleißig weiter üben. Es haben sich auch einige tastaturfehler eingeschlichen wie ich sehe. 
Danke schön. |
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MI
Administrator
Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005
Beiträge: 1140
Wohnort: München
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| Verfasst am: 22. Sep 2007 11:00 Titel: Re: Essay-Korrekturlesung |
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| Goldenhind hat Folgendes geschrieben: |
Environment Pollution!
The goods you can buy in shops, supermarkets, (and) toy shops are very often packaged in too much plastic.
Plastic is a material which is not well recyclable. To produce plastic factories - du meinst sicherlich "Fabriken", oder? have to shoot "shoot" ist sicher nicht der richtige Ausdruck, ich würde "emit" sagen, aber dann ist das mit "emission" doppelt gemoppelt very much emission in the air.
As wirklich "While"="Während"? Das passt nicht zum "but". Ich glaube eher du meinst "because/as"="weil" plastic is not recyclable we bring it to rubbish dumps, but what should they wer ist "they"? wenn du das nicht definierst, ist das Umgangssprache do with it there?
After some time they burn it ohne "up" klingt's besser... because the rubbish dumps need place for the newly incoming waste.
You cannot burn everything so the rubbish dumps get bigger and bigger. The ozone hole gets bigger, too. It is a vicious circle (Teufelskreis).
What can you do to stop this circle?
I give an example. When you go to a butcher you can package the meat into a tupper ware. This is just one thing but it would already improve the situation very much "bring so much" ist mMn German-English.
What can you do to save the environment?
If you live near to obwohl ich öfters mal "by" lese, meine ich, dass die Präposition eher "to" sein MÜSSTE, ich mag mich hier aber auch irren. your workplace you could take the bus or trailway.
When you just want to buy cigarettes or else you could go for a walk and leave the car in the garage.
You can try not to produce das mit "you can look that" mutet ebenfalls sehr "Deutsch" an, könnte aber dennoch gehen... so much waste.
Buy a low emission car when you need a new car and you have the money for it.
The most important thing is to practice waste seperation. |
Hier noch ein paar Zusätze zum zweiten Teil. |
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