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emcel
Anmeldungsdatum: 19.09.2007
Beiträge: 2
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 Verfasst am: 19. Sep 2007 15:06 Titel: Bitte Korrekturlesen meines Letter of Motivation |
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Hallo,
das folgende ist mein erster Versuch eines Letter of Motivation für eine Universität in Holland. Habe mich zwar im Internet danach erkundigt was so alle da rein sollte, aber trotzdem ist es nur die erste Version.
Ich würde mich freuen wenn ihr ihn euch mal durchlesen könntet und Fehler und Verbesserungen postet. Ihr könnt gerne auch noch schreiben was noch so rein sollte, denn die Vorgabe sind so 250-1000 Wörter und ich habe bisher 303. Sollte aber nicht zu lang werden 
Hier der Brief und schonmal viele Dank:
I hereby wish to state my interest for a place in your Bachelor of Science programme in Aerospace Engeneering.
My name is xxx xxx, I am 19 years old and graduated from high-school in June 2007. My advanced courses have been Maths and Physics, which are still my favourite subjects. Our physics teacher told us a lot about universe and its phenomenons. Furthermore we often had to do exercises in this field, which I have always solved with pleasure. Although I was always interested in aerospace our teacher awoke new enthusiasm for this issue. Now it is my most fervent wish to study Aerospace Engeneering at Xxx.
I am also very interested in foreign languages, especially English. In school I learnt beside English, Latin and French and in my spare time I took Spanish lessons for a few months. In 2002 I took part in an language study travel to Malta and visited for 10 days the advanced English course at the GEOS Malta Language Centre. On the one hand it is important to improve the English on the other hand it would give me great pleasure to learn Dutch in the Netherlands during my study.
Studying in Delft would also be very helpful and important for a further career, because the command of the english language is an essential condition for Aerospace Engeneering. In my opinion I would learn a lot for a job after study, like working in small groups with people from different nations. Living and studying in a different country also changes a person`s character in a positive way.
All in all I would be very pleased if I were allowed to study Aerospace Engeneering at Xxx. I will have finished my basic military service in July 2008 and would like to start as soon as possible. |
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RedDuke
Anmeldungsdatum: 18.12.2006
Beiträge: 8
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| Verfasst am: 19. Sep 2007 16:37 Titel: |
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Hi emcel
Gerne! Ich guck mal was ich finde
| Zitat: | I hereby wish to state my interest for a place in your Bachelor of Science programme in Aerospace Engeneering. Engineering
My name is xxx xxx, I am 19 years old and graduated from high-school in June 2007. My advanced courses have been Maths and Physics, which are still my favourite subjects. Our physics teacher told us a lot about the universe and its phenomenons. Furthermore we often had to do exercises in this field (field könnte man falsch verstehen ich würde etwas so wie in this aspect schreiben), which I have always solved with pleasure. Although I was always interested in aerospace our teacher awoke new enthusiasm for this issue(awoke new enthusiasm hab ich noch nie so gehört also weis ich nicht ob es stimmt klinkt aber gut). Now it is my most fervent wish to study Aerospace Engeneering Engineering at Xxx.
I am also very interested in foreign languages, especially English. In school I learnt beside apart from English, Latin and French and in my spare time I took Spanish lessons for a few months. In 2002 I took part in an das n nur bei vokabeln also a language study travel to Malta and visited for 10 days the advanced English course at the GEOS Malta Language Centre. On the one hand it is important to improve the English on the other hand it would give me great pleasure to learn Dutch in the Netherlands during my study.
Studying in Delft would also be very helpful and important for a further career, because the command of the english language is an essential condition for Aerospace Engeneering Engineering. In my opinion I would learn a lot for a job after study, like working in small groups with people from different nations. Living and studying in a different country also changes a person`s character in a positive way.
All in all I would be very pleased if I were allowed to study Aerospace Engeneering at Xxx. I will have finished ich würde einfach nur finish schreiben my basic military service in July 2008 and would like to start as soon as possible. |
Guter text echt
sie werden deine english-kenntnisse nicht in frage stellen (meiner meinung nach)
Viel Glück!
RedDuke
_________________
Mach dein lebensziel unerreichbar. Denn wenn du es erreichen solltest stehst du vor einem nichts. |
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Ukkat
Gast
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| Verfasst am: 20. Sep 2007 12:43 Titel: |
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schließ mich erstmal meinen vorredner an.
text ist insgesamt ganz gut.
so nen tipp von mir: bewerbungsschreiben muss net unnötig lang sien. solang klar und deutlich rauskommst, was du willst, wer du bist und was du machst, ist das ok.
noch ein kommentar zu folgendem satz:
Living and studying in a different country also changes a person`s character in a positive way.
das mit dem positive way könnte man, wenn man böse ist auch anzweifeln...
vlt.kannst du das anders schreiben, dass man sich durch einen auslandsaufenthalt weiterentwickelt aber jetzt ohne positive way, denn du kannst ja auch dinge hinzulernen, die nicht unbedingt positiv sein müssen. |
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emcel
Anmeldungsdatum: 19.09.2007
Beiträge: 2
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| Verfasst am: 20. Sep 2007 15:16 Titel: |
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Vielen Dank für die schnellen Antworten. Ich werde mir eure Anmerkungen zu Herzen nehmen und den Text mal überarbeiten.
Dass die Bewerbung nicht zu lang sein sollte denke ich auch, hab ich auch schon öfter gehört, deswegen wollte ich auch auf keinen Fall die 1000 Wörter ausnutzen, weil mir das doch ein wenig zun lang erschien... |
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