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°schülerin°
Anmeldungsdatum: 25.02.2007
Beiträge: 9
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 Verfasst am: 19. Apr 2007 16:23 Titel: DRINGEND!!! HILFE!!! BITTE KORRIGIEREN!!! |
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Hi 
Ich brauche ganz dringend Hilfe!!! 
Wäre nett, wenn jemand meinen Text mal "Korrektur liest" und mir dann sagt, wo die Fehler sind  :
Education – Apartheid
More blacks always lived it in Africa than whites. Nevertheless Africa was governed till 1994 by whites. The whites legislated (Gesetze erlassen) different laws: The different people were all the time apart. The whites and the blacks have different rights. For example they must not sit in the same bus or on the same park bench. But the whites also must not go with the Black in the same school.
The system of education was so important for the apartheid regime. In the school the children was separate by the colour of the skin. The Difference of the system of education was also of the contents (auch inhaltlich unterschiedlich). The qualification of the teachers and the equipment was different, too. These differences are reasons for the unequal occupational outlook (ungleiche Berufschancen).
The school attendance (Schulpflicht) was only for the whites. For the Blacks the school was complicated (erschwert).
For the whites the material for teaching was free. But the Blacks must pay each schoolbook.
20 white pupils had one teacher. At the best by the Blacks the percentage was 50 pupils to one teacher. Only 6% of the Blacks went to the high school. But 35% of the white pupils go to the high school.
The critic on the apartheid grew up in 1960. This is the reason for the establishment of special universities for the Blacks. On the universities the most of the professors and assistant was white. Only a few blacks were licensed to the study.
In the end of the 70 attend 70.000 whites and 8.000 Blacks universities in South Africa.
Also black pupils and students fights against the apartheid. 1967 was a rebellion of the pupils in the township Soweto. More than thousand pupils protest against the introduction of Africaans* as a language in the education (Unterrichtssprache) on the junior high.
*(the language of the Boer - a white native of Cape Province who is a descendant of Dutch settlers and who speaks Afrikaans)
The pupils refused to go to school. But they provoked the police to a fight, too. The police break down the rebellion. On the 16th of June a demonstration was shot down by the police.
The 13 years old boy Hector Pietersen died by a shot in this fight. The picture of this boy was the symbol for the fight for freedom. This date was the turning point in the history of the “state of racial”. |
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Goldenhind
Ehrenmoderator
Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006
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| Verfasst am: 19. Apr 2007 18:45 Titel: Re: DRINGEND!!! HILFE!!! BITTE KORRIGIEREN!!! |
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| °schülerin° hat Folgendes geschrieben: | Education – Apartheid
In Africa (du meinst sehr wahrscheinlich South Africa) always lived more blacks than whites. Nevertheless, Africa was governed by whites till 1994. The whites legislated (Gesetze erlassen) different laws "to legislate a law" ist denke ich ein bisschen doppelt gemoppelt, da in "legislate" das lateinische "lex" steckt, das nichts anderes bedeutet als "law". Ich würde alternativ "passed different laws" schreiben: The different people were all the time apart. The whites and the blacks had different rights. For example they were not allowed to sit in the same bus or on the same park bench. But the whites also were not allowed to go to the same school with the blacks(in past tense benutzt man "must" eigentlich nicht. Wenn es bejaht es, benutzt man stattdessen "had to".
The system of education was so important dass was? Ich würde "so" durch "very" ersetzen, sonst klingt es komisch for the apartheid regime. In the school children were separated by the colour of their skin. There also was a difference regarding contents in the system of education[/b]. The qualification of the teachers and the equipment were different, too. These differences are reasons for the unequal occupational outlook (ungleiche Berufschancen).
There only was (compulsory) school attendance for the whites. For the Blacks the school was complicated.
For the whites the material for teaching was free. But the Blacks [b]had to pay for each schoolbook.
20 white pupils had one teacher. At the best with the Blacks the ratio was 50 pupils to one teacher. Only 6% of the Blacks went to high school. But 35% of the white pupils went to high school.
The critic on the apartheid grew up in 1960. This is (wohl eher "was", oder?) the reason for the establishment of special universities for the Blacks. At the universities the most of the professors and assistants were white. Only a few blacks were licensed to the study.
At the end of the [b]seventies 70.000 whites and 8.000 Blacks attended (SPO!) universities in South Africa.
Also black pupils and students fought against the apartheid. 1967 a rebellion of the pupils in the township Soweto took place. More than thousand pupils protested against the introduction of Africaans* as a language in the education (Unterrichtssprache) on the junior high.
*(the language of the Boers - white natives of Cape Province who are descendants of Dutch settlers)
The pupils refused to go to school. But they provoked the police to a fight, too. The police broke down the rebellion. On the 16th of June a demonstration was shot down by the police.
The boy Hector Pietersen, aged 13 died by a shot in this fight. The picture of this boy was the symbol of the fight for freedom. This date was the turning point in the history of the “state of racial”. |
Du musst unbedingt an zwei Sachen arbeiten: Zum einen die richtige Zeit zu benutzen (in diesem Fall durchgehend past tense, du hast oft zwischendurch grundlos present benutzt). Zum anderen solltest du auf die richtige Syntax (Satzbau) achten (u.a. SPO und nichts zwischen Prädikat und Objekt stellen). |
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°schülerin°
Anmeldungsdatum: 25.02.2007
Beiträge: 9
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| Verfasst am: 19. Apr 2007 19:03 Titel: |
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Hi
Vielen, vielen Dank für deine Hilfe.
Danke für den Tipp mit den Problemen. Das hat mir sehr geholfen. Die Lehrer unterstreichen bei mir immer nur noch, wenn es falsch ist und haben es leider aufgegeben, mir zu sagen, wo ich Fehler mache.
Das Forum ist eine super Einrichtung. Hier lerne ich mehr, als in der Schule. Ich bin schon ein bisschen besser geworden 
Vielen Dank!!!! |
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MI
Administrator
Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005
Beiträge: 1140
Wohnort: München
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| Verfasst am: 20. Apr 2007 19:53 Titel: |
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Aber dennoch wäre es vielleicht schön, wenn du das "dringend" und "hilfe" aus dem Titel weglassen würdest (in Zukunft). Jeder hier braucht irgendwie Hilfe und du brauchst mit deinem Titel nicht um Leser zu werben, sondern sollst sie kurz informieren, worum es dir geht.
Gruß
MI |
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