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°schülerin°
Anmeldungsdatum: 25.02.2007
Beiträge: 9
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 Verfasst am: 26. Feb 2007 14:49 Titel: :help: Bitte einmal Korrekturlesen...!!! DRINGEND |
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HI:)
Ich brauche dringend Hilfe!!! 
Es wäre super nett, wenn jemand meinen Text mal "Korrektur liest" und mir dann sagt, wo die Grammatik- und Rechtschreibfehler sind  :
Many South African youngsters have grown up under difficult conditions.
It’s not easy to them to assert their authority in the today's community.
The South African youngsters to be confronted with problem like cruelty, violence, dishonesty, AIDS or also broken families alone. They have not any orientation.
In addition, they have to fight every day with the survival.
They build groups of youngsters. One reason for it is their same destiny because in groups they are stronger and they can fight together against their destiny.
However, within these groups they also often lose the sight of the right.
The youngsters have bad chances to break out of this circulation from power and poverty. Even they are often victim of exploitation and very hierarchically stamped gangs, they are even members of the gangs, like the main character of the film "Tsotsi". In addition, different gangs of youths still fight together.
All this complicates a better future.
The youngsters often lose the sight of their future because for the most of them it is important for the moment to experience the morning. Above all, the decades of political suppression, the social injustice and the poverty are reasons why these youngsters have lost the faith in a better future. For this reason they can see no sense in the school education and professional training and so they flee in the crime.
Therefore, everybody must help the youngsters in South Africa. It's not their own fault, if they are criminal. The sense of responsibility, but also the self-confidence of the youngsters must be strengthened. This is also a task of the community.
This is the only thing to anticipate the crime and form by gangs of youths.
They need hold in the community and there must be a positive future perspective to them.
The community, often, however, also relief organisations, must help the youngsters to work hard for morality images and to take over responsibility thus for their own life. For this reason it is not only the fault of the youngsters, but also the community, because she must support and encourage the youngsters. |
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Goldenhind
Ehrenmoderator
Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006
Beiträge: 399
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| Verfasst am: 26. Feb 2007 19:17 Titel: Re: :help: Bitte einmal Korrekturlesen...!!! |
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| °schülerin° hat Folgendes geschrieben: | Many South African youngsters have grown up under difficult conditions. wieso Perfekt?
It is (keine short forms!) not easy to them to assert their authority in (kein Artikel) today's community.
The South African youngsters are (konjugieren muss man die verben schon...) confronted with problems like cruelty, violence, dishonesty, AIDS or also broken families alone. They do not have (Verneinung mit "do"!)
In addition, they have to fight every day with the survival. Man kämpft doch nicht mit dem Überleben, sondern um das Überleben. Die typische Redewendung wäre "struggle for survival"
They build groups of youngsters. One reason for it is their same destiny because in groups they are stronger and they can fight together against their destiny.
However, within these groups they also often lose the sight Was meinst du mit "sight"? of the right.
The youngsters have bad chances to break out of this vicious cycle ("Teufelskreis") of power and poverty. Moreover, they are often victim of exploitation and very hierarchically stamped gangs, they are even members of the gangs, like the main character of the film "Tsotsi". In addition, different gangs of youths still fight together. "gegeneiannder kämpfen" heißt "to fight against each other".
All this complicates a better future.Der Satz gefällt mir so irgendwie nicht
The youngsters often lose the sight of their future because for kein Artikel most of them it is important for the moment to experience "experience" klingt hier finde ich unpassend, suche lieber ein bessere Wort. the morning. Above all, the decades of political suppression, the social injustice and the poverty are reasons why these youngsters have lost (the) faith in a better future. For this reason they can see no sense in the school education and professional training and so they flee in wiederum kein Artikel, du solltest nochmal wiederholen, wann man ein "the" braucht und wann nicht... crime.
Therefore, everybody must help the youngsters in South Africa. It is not their own fault, if they are criminal. The sense of responsibility, but also the self-confidence of the youngsters must be strengthened. This is also a task of the community.
This is the only thing to anticipate the crime and form by gangs of youths Was willst du mit dme Satz sagen?.
They need hold in the community and there must be a positive future perspective to them.
The community, often, however, also relief organisations, must help the youngsters to work hard for morality images andthus take responsibility for their own life. For this reason it is not only the fault of the youngsters, but also of the community, because she Bist du sicher, dass "community" zu den wenigen Wörtern zählt, die ein Genus haben? must support and encourage the youngsters. |
In einigen Passagen wiederhoslt du dich etwas, finde ich. |
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MI
Administrator
Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005
Beiträge: 1140
Wohnort: München
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| Verfasst am: 26. Feb 2007 19:32 Titel: Re: :help: Bitte einmal Korrekturlesen...!!! |
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| °schülerin° hat Folgendes geschrieben: |
Many South African youngsters have grown up in difficult conditions.
It’s not easy for them to assert their authority in today's community. Ohne "the". Wobei "society" wahrscheinlich besser wäre, "community" heißt Gemeinschaft und ich gehe davon aus, dass Du Gesellschaft sagen möchtest.
The South African youngsters are - sonst fehlt das Verb confronted with problem like cruelty, violence, dishonesty, AIDS or broken families alone. They have no orientation.
In addition, they have to fight for their survival every day. Satzstellung und Präposition!
They build groups of youngsters. One reason for it is their equal destiny because in groups they are stronger and they can fight together against their destiny.
However, within these groups they also often become criminal. Mein Vorschlag. Warum um den heißen Brei herumreden? Okay, mach ich selbst immer  . Aber das andere war irgendwie nicht so das Wahre, warum kann ich dir aber nicht sagen. Nur so'n Gefühl.
The youngsters have bad chances to break out of this vicious circle of power and poverty. "vicious circle" wäre der Teufelskreis - mal ein Vorschlag zur Verbesserung. They are often victim of exploitation and very hierarchically stamped gangs, they are even members of the gangs, like the main character of the film "Tsotsi". Das "even" am Satzanfang macht irgendwie keinen Sinn... Was wolltest du damit ausdrücken? In addition, different gangs of youths still fight against one another. "togehter" würde "zusammen heißen. Ist das wirklich, was du sagen wolltest?
All this complicates a better future.
The youngsters often lose sight of their future because for most of them it is important for the moment to experience the morning. Willst du damit ausdrücken, dass sie in den Tag hineinleben? Das würde ich kurz umschreiben mit: "They live for the moment" = für den Moment leben. Above all, the decades of political suppression, the social injustice and the poverty are reasons why these youngsters have lost the faith in a better future. For this reason they can see no sense in school education and professional training and so they flee into crime. Du meinst immer sehr allgemeine Dinge --> daher kein Artikel.
Therefore, everybody must help the youngsters in South Africa. It's not their own fault, if they are criminal. The sense of responsibility, but also the self-confidence of the youngsters must be strengthened. This is also a task of society.
This is the only thing to anticipate the crime and form by gangs of youths. Den Satz verstehe ich nicht so ganz...
They need hold in the community and there must be a positive future perspective for them.
The society as well as relief organisations, must help the youngsters to work hard for morality images Was willst du damit sagen  and thus take over responsibility for their own life. For this reason it is not only the fault of the youngsters, but also of society, because it must support and encourage the youngsters. |
Hoffe das stimmt jetzt so alles...
Mal schauen, wie viel ich übersehen habe .
Gruß
MI
EDIT: Tja ja, da war Goldenhind wohl auch gerade dabei... Seinen Beitrag hab ich erst jetzt gesehen. |
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°schülerin°
Anmeldungsdatum: 25.02.2007
Beiträge: 9
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| Verfasst am: 26. Feb 2007 20:11 Titel: |
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Super super vielen Dank für die Hilfe!!!! 
| Zitat: | | They are often victim of exploitation and very hierarchically stamped gangs, they are even members of the gangs, like the main character of the film "Tsotsi". Das "even" am Satzanfang macht irgendwie keinen Sinn... Was wolltest du damit ausdrücken? |
Ich wollte sowas sagen, wie "Sie sind meist selbst Opfer von Ausbeutung und stark hierarchisch geprägten Gangs, denen sie angehören, wie man im Film "Tsotsi" sehen kann..." Ich wusste nicht, wie ich das übersetzen soll... Wie kann man das denn scheriben?
| Zitat: | | The youngsters often lose sight of their future because for most of them it is important for the moment to experience the morning. |
Ich wollte damit sagen, dass es wichtigste für sie im Moment ist den Morgen zu erleben.
| Zitat: | | This is the only thing to anticipate the crime and form by gangs of youths. |
Hier wollte ich sowas schreiben, wie "Das ist das einzige, womit der Kriminalität und der Bildung von Gangs vorgebeugt werden kann.
| Zitat: | | The society as well as relief organisations, must help the youngsters to work hard for morality images Was willst du damit sagen and thus take over responsibility for their own life. |
Das sollte soviel heißen, wie "Die Gesellschaft, oft aber auch Hilfsorganisationen, müssen den Jugendlichen dabei helfen, Moralvorstellungen zu erarbeiten und so für ihr eigenes Leben Verantwortung zu übernehmen."
Kannst du mir sagen, wie ich die Sätze schreiben muss, damit sie richtig sind???
Nochmals vielen Dank. Das ist voll super! Euer Forum hat mich gerettet!!! |
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MI
Administrator
Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005
Beiträge: 1140
Wohnort: München
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| Verfasst am: 27. Feb 2007 22:12 Titel: |
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Den ersten Satz kann man so stehen lassen - nur das "Even" am Anfang sollte auf jeden Fall weg. So müsste es gehen (allerdings würde ich noch das "the" vor dem "gangs" weglassen, weil ja nicht DIE Gangs, sondern irgendwelche Gangs gemeint sind).
"This is the only thing to anticipate the crime and form by gangs of youths."
This is the only possibility to prevent crime and the formation of gangs.
"morality images" ist glaube ich nicht die schönste Übersetung. Wobei ich auch nicht weiß, welche wirklich "gut" ist, "moral philosophy" oder besser wahrscheinlich noch "moral conception".
Gruß
MI |
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°schülerin°
Anmeldungsdatum: 25.02.2007
Beiträge: 9
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| Verfasst am: 27. Feb 2007 22:55 Titel: |
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Vielen Dank! |
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