Könnt ihr euch das mal anschauen..

evilzz · Anmeldungsdatum: 05.11.2006 Beiträge: 2

Hallo, ich hab nen text verfasst, soll ne ausgedachte fotsetzung sein..
wäre schön wenn ihr euch das mal anschauen könnt..ich denke da sind einige fehler drin^^
Vielen Dank

As Matt started, they approached him, moving not together but along two seperate aisles, as if to block off his route if he tried to escape, but this was impossible.They pull their weapon and said: Stop men! We know all about you.
Matt doesn’t have any time to consider. He saw the open window on the right sight of him. This was the only way out. He started to run as fast as possible, rushed from the window, get up and went on. He heard the shouts of the men in black who pursued him. He knew exactly what they do with him if they catched him. However, so far it may not come. Matt searched desperately a vehicle with he can flee. His rescue approaches. An old men with his mountainbike drove ahead of his feet and fall down. Matt looked back and saw both men only a few metre behind himself. He reach for the bike and drove resolute away…

Goldenhind · Ehrenmoderator Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006 Beiträge: 399

when Matt started (womit?), they approached (evtl. besser "they were approaching") him, moving not together but along two seperate aisles, as if to block off his route if he tried to escape, but this was impossible.They pulled their weapons and said: Stop men! We know everything about you.
Matt doesn’t have any time to consider (ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob consider nicht immer ein Objekt braucht, prüfe das bitte). He saw the open window on the right side of him (eigentlich reicht "the open window right of him"). This was the only way out. He started to run as fast as possible, rushed from the window, got up and went on. He heard the shouts of the men in black who pursued him (besser "who were pursuing him"). He knew exactly what they would do with him if they caught him. However, so far it may not come (Germanismus! Suche eine bessere Formulierung). Matt desperately searched a vehicle with he can flee. His rescue approached. An old men with his mountainbike drove ahead of his feet and fell down. Matt looked back and saw both men only a few metres behind himself (himself kannste weglassen). He reached for the bike and drove resolutely away…

Du solltest unbedingt noch mal die unregelmäßigen Verben pauken Augenzwinkern

MfG Goldenhind

evilzz · Anmeldungsdatum: 05.11.2006 Beiträge: 2

okay..werd ich mir zu herzen nehmen...vielen dank für deine verbesserung!!

Goldenhind · Ehrenmoderator Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006 Beiträge: 399

Eine Sache ist mir noch aufgefallen:
"a vehicle with which he could flee"
Evtl. besser "a vehicle to flee with".