Bitte um Ihre Korrektur.

zhanna · Anmeldungsdatum: 04.07.2010 Beiträge: 2

Hallo, ich habe eine Aufgabe - zwei kleine Aufsätze zu schreiben.
Ihre Korrektur würde mir sehr weiter helfen.

Besten Dank im Voraus.

1. A personal advice

Dear George, I read your letter where you describe your current situation and ask for an advice. On the one hand, you have got a chance to make a five-year voyage around the world in a sailing boat together with your friends – something you have always dreamt about. On the other hand you have a 76 years old father who needs you, his only child more than ever and doesn´t want let you go.

If I were you, I would think very carefully about what is more important to me. First of all I would try to clarify for myself what I really want to be or, in other words where I would ideally see myself in a long term future – in private life and in profession to. The understanding what is my personal vision and what steps should be done to reach it could be helpful for you by making decision. Of course, a five-year tour around the world sounds very exciting and fascinating especially if you have always dreamt about it. It is a really good chance to see many wonderful and exotic places, experience other cultures and the adventure. But would you really enjoy the time knowing that you left your father “alone”?

I would also make two lists with pros and cons. The first one should contain all advantages and disadvantages you could have by starting the journey around the world. And the second one - all pros and cons by staying with father at home. The comparison of both lists will give you more clarity and can also help to meet the right decision.

And last but not least whatever you decide for please keep in mind that there are always more alternative decisions that could be suitable for you as you have seen it before.

With kind regards.

2. List of the things I would be glad to leave behind in Germany and the things I would most miss.

Today I live and work in Germany. If I imagine I am emigrating to another country to start a new life there are some things I would be glad to leave behind and also some I would really miss. Following I would like to outline some of them.

The biggest thing I would really miss, especially at the first time when I leave Germany is my circle of friends, because we couldn´t meet each other quite often anymore. The second one is a good social support system. For example everybody who lives in Germany can get a good health care independent from their social or financial status. Another example of this is nearly free education up to university level. And finally it is a low level of crime rate and corruption in comparison to other countries.

The only thing I wouldn´t miss if I would emigrate to another country it is the weather, because the most months it is cold and the summer is really short.

MI · Administrator Anmeldungsdatum: 22.01.2005 Beiträge: 692 Wohnort: Aachen

Hier ein Verbesserungsversuch. Hoffentlich habe ich damit die gröbsten Dinge beseitigt und nichts verschlimmbessert. Einige Änderungen habe ich mit Kommentaren versehen, aber natürlich kann zusätzlich nachgefragt werden, warum ich eine bestimmte Änderung für nötig (rot) oder zumindest für besser (grün) halte.

Gruß
MI

zhanna · Anmeldungsdatum: 04.07.2010 Beiträge: 2

Hallo MI!

Vieeelen, vielen Dank, insbesondere für die Kommentare - sind sehr hilfreich für mich.

Wünsche noch einen schönen Abend.

Gruß, zhanna