| MI |
 Verfasst am: 13. März 2011 20:59 Titel: Re: Motivationsschreiben: Bitte mal kurz drüber gucken |
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| Borstole hat Folgendes geschrieben: |
From the various partner universities of the XX college the University of XX has caught my attention. The Asian region with its interesting history and cultural diversity is fascinating. In particular, "Country" offers me the opportunity to improve my English skills by using it in communication both on campus and in everyday situations. "the opportunity of the English language" hört sich sehr komisch an, in etwa, als würde ich in Deutsch schreiben "Das gibt mir die Möglichkeit der englischen Sprache", was ich nie schreiben würde. Furthermore, I was impressed by the size of the University of XX, and the continually updated international level teaching. Satzstellung zu Deutsch - SVO im Englischen. Looking ahead, as the asia region will become an even more important trading partner of the EU, a semester in XX would allow me to find new friends and to enable future business. Im ersten Satzteil fehlt ein Verb, der zweite Teil ab "with a..." müsste zwar möglich sein, erscheint mir aber etwas zu verschachtelt, daher mein Vorschlag hier.
The need for hands-trained engineers will increase significantly in the high-tech industries. "hands-trained" kenne ich nicht... My studies, the "XX" helps to overcome the barrier between the academic studies at the university and vocational education and training in vocational school, master craftmans school and training facility. Ich gehe jetzt davon aus, dass diese Begriffe deinem Gegenüber bekannt sind - mir waren sie bis dato eher weniger geläufig, aber das muss nichts heißen handelt es sich doch um Fachvokabular. Within four years a student finishes the precision mechanic training, the master craftsman education and a Bachelor's degree in mechanical engeneering. Nur, dass ich das richtig verstehe: Diese drei Ausbildungen/Studien bekommt man zum Abschluss des Studiums? In dem Fall schlage ich die obige Satzstellung vor, bei deiner Satzstellung ist die Zuordnung etwas unklar. I am in the third year of these studies; I have completed the training for precision mechanics and in summer 2011 I will acquire a Master Craftsman Certificate. Thus I bring enough practical experience that is required in certain situations and can assist students without this practical knowledge. In return, it would be valuable experience to get to know new approaches to problem solving and to see how teaching is done at your university, knowledge I would gladly want to use back in Germany. Den Satz finde ich auch etwas verquer - mir ist nicht ganz klar, was genau du jetzt möchtest, aber ich habe mal versucht, es trotzdem etwas umzugestalten. Ganz glücklich bin ich damit nicht. In preparation for a possible stay in Malaysia I will successfully complete the courses „Business English 1“ and „Business English 2“. Zukunft - dann complete statt des Partizips.
I believe that success as a young engineer in a modern society requires a combination of practical experience, communication and business skills. I have the effort and devotion to meet the demands of studying at the University of XX. "effort" heißt so etwas wie "Anstrengung" und passt mMn nicht in den Kontext. Was möchtest du ausdrücken? The prospect of studying a term in XX excites me, and I feel confident that I can make a contributions to university life. |
Ich habe mich mal ein bisschen dran versucht. Du hast ab und zu eine zu deutsche Satzstellung und dabei kommen dann die Verben abhanden, weswegen ich an zwei, drei Stellen etwas unsicher bin, was du sagen möchtest.
Gruß
MI |
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| Borstole |
| Verfasst am: 12. März 2011 17:54 Titel: Motivationsschreiben: Bitte mal kurz drüber gucken |
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Hallo Freunde, hier geht es um ein Auslandssemester in Asien. Die gekommen da gerne Honig um den Mund geschmiert, desswegen ist die Einleitung ein bissle übertrieben 
Bitte um Meinungen.... /Verbesserungen
From the various partner universities of the XX college the University of XX has caught my attention. The Asian region with its interesting history and cultural diversity is fascinating. In particular, "Country" offers me the opportunity of the English language using both on campus and in everyday situations to communicate and thus improve my language skills long term. Furthermore impressed me the size of the University of XX, and the continually updated international level teaching. Looking ahead, the asia region an even more important trading partner of the EU, with a semester abroad in XX, I would like to create the basis to find new friends, and to enable future business.
The need for hands-trained engineers will increase significantly in the high-tech industries. My study, the "XX" to overcome the division between the academic study at the university and vocational education and training in vocational school, master craftmans school and training facility. Within four years the precision mechanic, the master craftsman and the Bachelor is achieved in mechanical engineering. I am in the third year of this study, completed the training for precision mechanics and in summer 2011 I will acquire a Master Craftsman Certificate. So I bring enough practical experience that is required in certain situations and can assist students without this practical reference. In return, it is for me a valuable, to get know new approaches to problem solving and how the learning material is taught, to be able to implement them back as possible in Germany. In preparation for a possible stay in Malaysia I will successfull completed the courses „Business English 1“ and „Business English 2“
I believe that success as an young engineer in a modern society requires a combination of practical experience, communication and business skills. I have the effort and devotion to meet the demands of studying at the University of XX. The prospect of studying a term in XX excites me, and I feel confident that I can make a contributions to university life. |
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