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[quote="Philipp S"]Hallo, die lautete wie folgt: Situation: On the Internet you browsed the website of a language school. You are interested in learning English at a language school in an English speaking country. You would like to find out if you can go there. Task: Write an email. Introduce yourself and refer to the website (of the language school you have chosen) as your source of information. Explain what the purpose of your email is and what information you would like to obtain. Tell them when you would like to go there. Könntet ihr bitte einen Bick über unsere E-Mail werfen, ob alles i.O ist?! [b]Betreff: I am interested in learning English at your language school [i](The East/West International Institute P.O. Box 920 Windham, NY 12496 )[/i] Dear Ms Miller, I am just writing about a trip to your language school. At the internet I founded your address at languageschool.de. I am interested in learning English in an English speaking country. I am a german student, seventeen years old, who is going to an international school, the European Business School. For my dreamjob I need a high level of Business English. Many people said that your school is optimal for this claim. The day of arrival is the 16th august and departure will be on 30th december 2010. Is it possible that I can use your offer this time? Can you give me some information where I can live in this time. The price should not be more then 1.500 US – Dollar. Can you tell some activities in the near of the school, because I am a sportsman. When it is O.K. for you, can you show me your timetable? Please confirm the application. Thanks for your trouble. Best wishes Philipp S. & Florian W.[/b][/quote]
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Jack
Verfasst am: 17. Sep 2009 18:57
Titel:
Noch eine kleine Ergänzung: Wenn du einer amerikanischen Schule schreibst, dann reicht es vollkommen aus, wenn du beim Preis nur Dollar schreibst. Man wird es auch dann nicht etwa mit dem kanadischen Dollar verwechseln.
Auch wichtig: Im Englischen trennt man die Tausender bei großen Zahlen mit einem Komma statt mit einem Punkt (z.B. 1.000,00 Euro würde in der englischen/amerikanischen Formatierung zu 1,000.00 Euro)
Den Satz würde ich zudem eher so formulieren, damit er natürlich klingt:
"The price should not exceed 1,500 $."
MI
Verfasst am: 17. Sep 2009 01:26
Titel: Re: Bewerbung an eine Sprachschule
So, hab mal einiges korrigiert, was mir aufgefallen ist. Vielleicht findet sich ja noch jemand, der noch einmal korrigiert
.
Gruß
MI
Philipp S hat Folgendes geschrieben:
Subject
: I am interested in learning English at your language school
(The East/West International Institute
P.O. Box 920
Windham, NY 12496 )
Die Frage wäre, ob man den Betreff nicht kürzer fassen sollte - und formeller, keinen ganzer Satz.
Dear Ms Miller,
I
am writing
because I am interested in
a trip to your language school.
"I am just writing"="Ich schreibe nur mal" - also eher unpassen mEn
On
the internet I
found
your address at languageschool.de.
"founded"="gegründet".
I am interested in learning English in an English speaking country. I am a
G
erman student, seventeen years old
and I am attending
an international school, the European Business School. For my dreamjob I need a high level of Business English. Many people
say
that your school is optimal
for achieving this
.
I would like to arrive on
the 16th august and
my departure would
be on 30th december 2010.
Das klingt sehr nach Fakten, dabei möchtest du doch erst einen solchen Urlaub buchen, bzw. Informationen erhalten, oder?
Is it possible to use your offer this time?
"use your offer" klingt für mich nicht ganz gelungen, ich wüsste aber gerade nichts Besseres.
Can you give me some information where I can live
during
this time? The price should not be more
than
1.500 US – Dollar.
Can you
tell me about possible activities
near to the school, because I am a sportsman.
Would it be possible to
show me your timetable?
"When it's okay" klingt meiner Einschätzung nach eher umgangssprachlich. Ob das in einen Brief/eine E-Mail gehört wage ich zu bezweifeln
Please confirm
my
application.
Thank you
for your trouble.
Formal besser
Best wishes
Philipp S. & Florian W.
Philipp S
Verfasst am: 16. Sep 2009 16:32
Titel: Bewerbung an eine Sprachschule
Hallo,
die lautete wie folgt:
Situation:
On the Internet you browsed the website of a language school. You are interested in learning English at a language school in an English speaking country. You would like to find out if you can go there.
Task:
Write an email. Introduce yourself and refer to the website (of the language school you have chosen) as your source of information. Explain what the purpose of your email is and what information you would like to obtain. Tell them when you would like to go there.
Könntet ihr bitte einen Bick über unsere E-Mail werfen, ob alles i.O ist?!
Betreff: I am interested in learning English at your language school
(The East/West International Institute
P.O. Box 920
Windham, NY 12496 )
Dear Ms Miller,
I am just writing about a trip to your language school. At the internet I founded your address at languageschool.de.
I am interested in learning English in an English speaking country. I am a german student, seventeen years old, who is going to an international school, the European Business School. For my dreamjob I need a high level of Business English. Many people said that your school is optimal for this claim. The day of arrival is the 16th august and departure will be on 30th december 2010. Is it possible that I can use your offer this time?
Can you give me some information where I can live in this time. The price should not be more then 1.500 US – Dollar.
Can you tell some activities in the near of the school, because I am a sportsman.
When it is O.K. for you, can you show me your timetable?
Please confirm the application. Thanks for your trouble.
Best wishes
Philipp S. & Florian W.